Brainfarts for August 29, 2003

People have been asking me why I am not posting more frequently here and I always tell them that I wait for an event that's worthy of writing about and then do. If things are quiet and the kids are not doing something funny or worthy of writing about here, then I usually don't do anything. Well...that is changing today with a segment I am calling Brainfarts. These are random thoughts, musings and observations of mine that come along every so often. I'm not really sure what my motivation is for thinking about them but, what the heck, I'll throw them out there and see if I get any feedback.

Why do kids always want what they can't have? I take Elijah and Hannah to Melissa's house every morning. Elijah likes to eat cereal in the car on the way there. We have 47 boxes of cereal lined up in the pantry. I tell him he can have ANY cereal he wants EXCEPT Rice Krispies and Fruity Pebbles. Why? Because they are so small that they mess up my car. I don't want to clean Pebbles out of my car every morning. So, what happens? "I WANT RICE KRISPIES!"

"Elijah, I told you, we have 65 boxes of cereal here. There are TWO that you cannot have."

"Daddy - I want FRUITY PEBBLES."

You get the picture. 99% of the time, he ends up with a baggie of Cheerios. Everyone is happy in the end.

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Why are doughnuts bad for you? WHO SET THIS RULE??? I demand to speak with this person in his/her office immediately!!! Doughnuts are not only healthy - they are their own FOOD GROUP! They are right in the middle of that silly Food Pyramid-triangle-grid thingy that everyone is supposed to follow. 2 fruits, 2 starches, 2 protein, 2 dairy and FOUR DOUGNUTS per day. That's what we are supposed to be eating. Dammit. Why do they put me through this aggravation?

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I love fat people. I really do. I've been kinda-one all my life. I hold no bad feelings towards fat people at all. I just wish some of them would learn how to dress better.

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ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL????

Penis

You're smiling. Guaranteed. WHY?? I just don't get it. Why is the word penis so damn funny? It's one of those words that was funny when you were 3 years old and it's just as funny when you are 63. Elijah sings this song with us called "Willaby Wallaby" sometimes. You may have heard of it. Anyway...it goes "Willaby Wallaby _______, an elephant sat on ______." You fill in the blanks with people's names. So let's say we did Hannah. You change the first letter of the name to a 'W' in the first line. So it's, "Willaby Wallaby Wannah, an elephant sat on Hannah." You get the idea. "Willaby Wallaby Wordan, an elephant sat on Jordan." Anyway, it gets funny as you go along. Well, recently, Elijah has this thing with using the word penis in the song. "Willaby Wallaby wenis, an elephant sat on penis." Of course, this is followed by bellowing laughter by all of us. Why is the word penis so funny??? I mean, a three year old has no idea why it's there, other than to go pee pee, right? We go in the shower sometimes and Elijah points to mine and says, "I see your PENIS!!" I just don't get it. Well, hey, at least he admits to seeing it. The words 'leg' or 'arm' or 'foot' just don't make people laugh. Go into a crowded room and say the word 'penis' and people start gagging with laughter. I think the only other word that has the same effect is 'tushy'. Willabee wallaby wushy, an elephant sat on tushy.

Hannah is huge. She's like 5 feet tall already. I think she can dunk. Actually, relative to her height at birth, she probably COULD dunk! She's getting close to starting on food. Soon you will see pictures of Hannah's face covered in peas on the goodies site.

Hannah and Eli are both going to Deb's sisters house every day. Elijah will be going to school in the fall with his cousins so that's very nice. He loves spending his days over there with Joshie and it's so convenient for us too. We are lucky!

Deb went back to work this past Monday. I can't believe it's been 3 months since Hannah came into the world!! Time really does fly. She's smiling now and she laughed for the first time this week. She has a ticklish belly. :-)

So everyone have a GREAT weekend!! I am posting new pictures at the Goodies Site right now so go there and if you have not signed the guestbook yet - DO IT!!!

dad

How To Follow Up on Morning Wood

Good day! I've been delaying my update here for a few days because of the reaction to the morning wood story. It seems to have moved into cult status as many people are reading it who don't usually access the site. How do I follow that up?? Elijah has been rather quiet this last week as far as good material goes. He is happy that he is moving schools in the fall. We took him out of the JCC and are moving him to Temple Adath Emanu-El in Mt. Laurel so Deb's sister Melissa can transport him back and forth with her own children every day. He gets to go to school with his cousins and spend more time with his favorite cousin Joshie. It's good for him.

We have our favorite house guests this week!! Spencer, Lynne and Elijah's best friend Sydney are here!! They are staying at our house until tomorrow afternoon and will return for the weekend. They are on vacation and Elijah loves hanging with Sydney. If you ever get the chance to eavesdrop on a conversation with a couple of three-year olds...do it. There is nothing more adorable. Last night around 10pm we were driving home from a BBQ and Eli and Sydney were in the back talking and it went something like this...

SYDNEY: Elijah, see the trees?

ELI: Yes - they are green.

SYDNEY: The branches are purple.

ELI: No - they are green. Barney is purple.

SYDNEY: The branches are purple. Look at Luna.

ELI: Luna the moon! He's behind us...look!

SYDNEY: Luna is in the clouds.

ELI: He's behind us...LOOK SYDNEY!!! He's BEHIND US!!!!!

SYDNEY: Luna is in the clouds!! The moon is in the clouds.

ELI: DADDY! Sydney said that the moon is in the clouds. I have to go potty.

I love kids.

Some of you have not signed my guest book yet!!! Click here and sign it!!! Lemme know you were there!! New pics in the next few days!

dad