The Difference Between Men and Boys....

The response to my last post regarding change was overwhelming. Thank you to all who responded - I don't deserve your accolades. I merely take the time to put on paper (virtual paper, anyway) what everyone is thinking about in their own lives. Truth is, it's easier to express yourself in writing. For me, it's a combination of therapy and record keeping. It's a document of my life. Without this blog, I would remember nothing. Those who know me well are aware of my lousy memory. Thank goodness for this medium!!! Gotta love computers.

Had a stuttering moment with Elijah last week. He came home from camp and told Deb that he could "only feel one of my tensticles." Deb told him that I would take a look that night in the bath. Now, I am overly sensitive to this subject because I was born with a double hernia and had it corrected when I was just about Elijah's age. So...that night in the bath Elijah reminded me, "Daddy, I can only feel one of my tensticles." So I asked him to stand up and I would check them for him. He did and I found 'em both. I told him, "You have two! Perfect!! Everything is there Elijah - there's no need to worry."

"But they are so small, Daddy. So is my penis. Are they going to get bigger when I grow up?"

"Um....yes! Everything gets bigger when you grow up. Your hands, feet, legs, everything."

pause

"Can I feel YOURS Daddy?"

"HOW ABOUT THOSE PHILLIES, HUH? Man, I thought the season was over there for a few days and now they are playing well again....um....and how about this weather we are having - perfect for throwing your balls...I mean...throwing the ball around outside...um...wow and your sister can wash herself now and wow - how about that great dinner Mommy made today..."

One for the books.

Kids will always say things that make you laugh - especially when they are figuring out their world. Other times they get serious and really ask tough questions. That night, after the tensticle bath, I was laying in bed with Elijah. We had finished reading a few books and were just talking and he asked me about going to Disney World in California. I thought that was strange because I didn't even know he knew what California was. Then he asked me about Disney World in Florida. We went there when he was two. He said, "Remember we saw Poco there and then Poco came to my house?" Poco is my friend Kenny's dog. We saw them when we went to Disney and they visited us last month here. I said I remembered and he asked where Poco lives now and I told him Maryland. "That's where Aunt Amy lives!!" I was shocked! He knows what STATES his relatives live in? Then, for some reason, he asked me where Zeide Abe lives. Zeide Abe died earlier this year. I said, "Well, Zeide Abe used to live in Florida but he died this year."

"Where does he live now?"

"Well, he lives in heaven now," as I pointed to the sky.

Elijah looked a bit confused and asked me if Zeide Abe was shot. I said he wasn't shot, that he was just very old and had a disease and he died from that."

I think he thought that people only die when they get shot. Last week, when visiting Buba at the Geriatric Home, we saw a woman who was locked in a smile, starting at the ceiling with her finger pointing up. She was locked in that position and would not move. It was creepy but not out of place in the home. Elijah had seen this woman and had pointed out to us that she was "frozen." It freaked him out.

After asking about Zeide Abe, he said, "Daddy, remember in the Shabbat House (he calls the Geriatric Home the Shabbat House) we saw that lady who was frozen? Was she shot?"

"No," I explained. "She is just veeerrry old and sick."

"All the other people at the Shabbat House are old and they are not frozen," he said.

So I explained, as best as I could, about getting old and sometimes people get sick. He said that Buba was walking at my wedding and now she's not; was she sick? So I explained that too.

It was an incredible conversation and I am sure he was thinking about that a lot. Elijah is in a unique situation because of Buba being in the home. He sees all of these elderly people in all sorts of conditions and he's only 4 1/2 years old. Most of them are lucid and talk to him and he entertains them. Some of them are not so nice and some are dilusional and, well, frozen.

One thing's for sure...Elijah has developed a very soft spot for the elderly and I hope it stays with him forever.

jb

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. ~George Carlin

When I was growing up, I was one of those "techies" that would laugh at the expense of my parents when their VCR clock was blinking 12:00. When computers started to become mainstream in the 1990's, my parents were still getting used to the typewriter. I always embraced technology in all forms. I loved it when the cable company switched from that wired up clicker to a wireless remote control. I loved it when beta-max's went bye-bye. Everytime Intel introduced a new computer chip I would buy a new computer. I LOVED change. Therein lies the irony of this post....

The truth is that I despise change. I really do. Computers and technology and all that - yeah - I embrace it. Maybe it's just the kind of change that really affects my life directly.

Change in MY life, I have recently discovered, is not welcome. I don't know why. The most confusing thing about that fact is that there is change occurring in virtually EVERY aspect of my life now...

Elijah is a little man now. He's asking a TON of questions like, "Mommy, why are we human? How come we are not whales or elephants?" "What planet do we live on?" Stuff like that. He's more responsive to things in his own life, like cleaning up or helping out around the house. Although he's not eating much better than before, he acknowledges that, "when I'm a grown up, I will eat vegetables. I'm a kid now." Saturday night I was not feeling well. I had a bad headache and I was tired. We actually went to bed around 8:30. We were laying in bed and Elijah took my hand and looked me in the eye and said, "I'm sorry you don't feel good Daddy." That's the kind of stuff you can't hope to hear because you just don't know how that feels until it happens.

Hannah is communicating by speech now. She says words like pancake (when she's hungry), baba (for bottle when she's thirsty), patty (when she wants to play pattycake) and oopa (when she wants to be held). She's not a baby anymore. What happened?

I don't want to sound like a father who does not want his kids to grow up. All these changes are exciting and wonderful but I just don't feel 100% comfortable with them growing up yet.

I am interviewing for a major promotion here at work. There is about a 75% chance that I am going to get promoted by month's end. There is about a 30% chance that that promotion will require a move to Atlanta, GA. It's just a 30% chance but do you think I've slept normally in the last few weeks? Not a chance. Deb is completely behind the move. It would be a two year commitment and then the company would have a position for me here to move back to if I chose to. So, actually, when I do the math...75% chance of getting promoted...30% IF I get promoted of moving to Atlanta....so the chances are slim, right? Whatever. All I know is that I love my house the way it is...I love the neighborhood and some of our best friends in the world just moved BACK to this area after 3 years in Boston. My parents live 8 houses away from their grandchildren. And I may have to say, "See ya in 2 years." Change.

I think if I learn to adjust my inner "Change-O-Meter" to read, "OK with that" more than, "What are you, nuts?" that I would be able to sleep better and be able to see the big picture more clearly. I need to do that because I am going to get an ulcer if I don't. Change is too stressful to embrace and too stressful to ignore. There is a famous quote that makes me laugh and freeze up at the same time:

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."

Anyway....I am entering an important time in my life and career over the next two weeks so I better be prepared to accept whatever happens. Growth is the only evidence of life.

jb