It's Becoming REAL!

Each day that passes, the reality of moving to Utah becomes more and more real. Last week, after spending a few days in Denver at our office there, I met Deb at the Salt Lake airport for the start of a three day neighborhood-hunting visit. It was both of our's first trip to Utah ever.

The first thing I noticed that was different was at the Hertz counter. The woman welcomed me to Utah and smiled at me. I knew right away that I was not in Philadelphia. I said this to her and she laughed. I wanted to give her a hug and a kiss! We stayed at the Residence Inn directly across from where my office will be. We went to bed almost immediately because we had a big day planned with the realtor on Friday.

Friday morning after breakfast, we met our realtor for the first time. Sheila Gelman has been in Utah since 1971 after moving from...Philadelphia! She's been in real estate since 1979 and knows every area like the back of her hand. She was a dream and made everything so easy for us. We spent the next seven hours or so getting in and out of Sheila's Audi looking at houses and taking notes.

One thing is for certain: Utah is the single most beautiful place I have ever seen in America. No question. EVERYWHERE you look - mountains. Not hills and small peaks...I am talking MOUNTAINS. Just for example - here is a picture of one of the many houses we looked at. The view is virtually the same at every place we saw.




The first half day was really eliminating a bunch of neighborhoods for one reason or another. We want to live in a more diverse area and our best bet is closer in to the city of Salt Lake. The further out you venture, the less diverse the community is. The statement that Mormons dominate Salt Lake is absolutely false. We learned a lot of things out there and this was one of them. First off, the Mormons are very wonderful people and very accepting of outsiders. Specifically, they are very close with the Jews. Seeing a Church of LDS on every three street corners can be a bit intimidating, however, they become part of the backdrop after a few days. Besides, the Ward Houses, as they are called, are absolutely immaculate. Beautifully landscaped and mostly newer buildings, the LDS Ward Houses merely add to the curb appeal of the city. They are some of the most gorgeous structures there.

The city has one real synagogue, Kol Ami. The picture here shows the view from the parking lot.



There are 300 families that belong to the ONLY synagogue. So different from here! We plan on joining right away. It's important to make immediate bonds with some of the Jewish families out there so we can continue to bring the kids up in a Jewish world.

Some interesting facts about our trip and about Salt Lake City:

• There are exactly ZERO Dunkin Donuts in Salt Lake City. ZERO. Amazing not to see one every few miles on the road. There are several Starbucks - I think two. Mormons don't drink caffeine.
• I put on NBC to watch Saturday Night Live on Saturday night. Not on. Turns out that the NBC affiliate in SLC won't show it. Too racy. We did, however, get to watch Steve Young give his testimony at BYU and cry about his devotion to his Mormon faith....on network TV.
• We ate at a FANTASTIC Mexican restaurant (Red Iguana) and all the employees (save the chef) were white. We ate at an excellent sushi restaurant (Mikado) and all the employees (save the chef) were white. So different!!!!
• At 10pm, as we were finishing at the sushi place, another couple noticed my Phillies shirt and asked if we were from Philly. Turns out, the guy grew up in West Chester! He met his wife at the University of Utah and moved here. They have two children the SAME age as our kids and live in a development that we were looking at!! I gave him my contact information. Small world!
• It was 95 degrees there on all three days and I DID NOT SWEAT ONE BEAD. So wonderful!! A Borenstein didn't sweat! The maximum humidity was 35%. This explains why almost every home has a fully finished basement with bathrooms and bedrooms down there. There is almost no such thing as mold and mildew there. My allergies will be put to sleep!!

When it was time to come home, we had pretty much decided on a few neighborhoods we would concentrate on when it was time to buy. I will be traveling out there a few more times and, depending on when our house sells, it will be UP TO ME to pick the actual house we will be spending the next few years in. Gulp. Pray for me. Actually, I feel confident because Sheila has a good idea of that Deb likes and I may ask Mom to fly out there to check some out because she knows Deb's tastes pretty well, too.

Our house went on the market last week. If you know someone who wants to move to Cherry Hill in a GREAT location - send them this link!!

http://homes.longandfoster.com/Buy_Home/Search/Property_Details.aspx?coId=5&mlsNum=4586789

If you sell my house I will invite you to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir FOR FREE when you come visit us in Utah!!!

That's all for now. No bats this week. If there are more bats, however, my father-in-law gave me an easy solution - throw a ball at it.

Batman

Elijah's young life has been marked by distinct sections when it comes to his passions and interests. In his first years, he was into Baby Einstein and Bear in the Big Blue House. Now his life is literally consumed by Star Wars. He's become an expert at all things Star Wars and even competes with the adults at Star Wars Trivial pursuit. He's Jedi E.

The time between his Bear in the Big Blue House, Buzz Lightyear, and Star Wars phases was spent idolizing super heroes. He loved Superman especially but collected all the figures and watched the Justice League all day long. For some reason, and I'm sure many Dad's feel this way, there is a sense of "man, if I could only fly through the air with a cape and defeat Lex Luthor then maybe he will look at ME the same way he looks at Superman." I always wondered what that feeling would be like....what if Elijah thought of me as a SUPER HERO......

It was Sunday night and Deb was sleeping next to me. Elijah and Hannah were tucked in, sound asleep and I was on my bed watching 'Entourage' on HBO. Sometime in the middle of the show (around 10:15 or so), I heard a scratching noise just for a second on my bedroom door, which we keep closed at night. It diverted my attention for just a second and then I continued watching the show (it's one of my favorite shows). I thought it was Elijah and he would either come into my room complaining he could not sleep or just go back to his bed. I didn't hear the sound again. The show ended at 10:30 and I eventually turned off the TV around 11:00. Now that there was complete silence in the room, I could more easily fall asleep.....

Insomnia.

I tossed and turned for several hours completely unable to fall asleep. No real reason. Probably this whole Utah thing and worrying that everything would be pulled off perfectly...you know - typical job related stress. I finally started to get sleepy around 1:00. It was a hot night and I was hearing various noises outside. Living in a lot of trees results in hearing a lot of noises. At one point, I heard the pitter patter of what I thought was a squirrel galloping across my roof. It's kinda spooky late at night in the summertime in my house because of all these noises.....

So I finally fall half asleep...and about 1:25 I was awaken by a VERY distinct scratching noise. Similar to the one at the bedroom door but MUCH more clear and this time coming from Debbie's side of the bed. I jump up. Deb jumps up at the same time. She heard it too. If I had been wearing underwear I would have had to change them right away. Deb handed me a mini-flashlight and I got on the floor. I was expecting to see mouse eyes staring back at me. We had mice in our old house so I really was not all that freaked out....at that point. So I scanned the floor of the room with the flashlight and saw nothing but a few stray toys, a pacifier, and a six-month old peepee diaper that I hoped, for just a second, was indeed walking itself to the garbage can. Nothing.

So, thinking we were hearing things we settled back in bed and I got cozy and ready to fall back asleep. Deb was awake at that point and cannot fall asleep without the TV on so she grabbed the remote and clicked on the TV. 'Entourage' was on HBO again and she began to watch it...

Remember when you were a young kid, you used to play that game with your hands and the shadows on the wall? You would make a dog or a wolf with your hands and it would appear on the wall as a ten-foot monster and scare the living crap out of you? Sometimes you would make a huge bird and make flapping noises with your mouth to add realism while this 200 pound killer vulture flew past you on the wall. Remember that flapping noise???????

FLAP FLAP FLAP. Deb yelps and bounces up as I turn over...JUST IN TIME to see the 200 pound shadow of a vulture flap past my TV screen. Circling the room and it's prey as it prepares to strike. "There's a bird in the room!!," Deb yelped as she covered herself with the blanket. I jumped out of the bed and got downstairs so fast I still have no idea how I got there. Next thing I knew I was standing in the living room with every single light in the house on. Oh yeah, somehow I had my underwear on at this point as well.

Deb was smart. She ran down the hall and closed the kid's bedroom doors. Elijah's ceiling fan was on full speed and how gross would THAT have been? Deb ran downstairs and Jonathan Livingston Seagull followed close behind. We both started doing laps around the inside of the house for no reason....screaming. I yelled for Deb to get me a broom and propped the front door wide open so more birds could come in and join us. I figured I would swat this thing out the door and be the hero. Just then I heard Deb half-crying from the kitchen. She was sitting on the floor near the family room steps grabbing her ankle and yelling that she twisted it. Tears were coming from her eyes. Screams were coming from my mouth as I ran past her full speed with my straw broom screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Then it hit me...

What bird would be wide awake at 1 in the morning?

Just like that my whole demeanor changed. I went from shooing a stray blackbird from my house to trying to stab a blood-sucking vampire bat through the heart. I thought of grabbing a knife. Still doing laps around my downstairs with the straw broom the thoughts of my neighbors waking up and taking notice of what was going on hit me. Door wide open, 1:45 in the morning, underwear clad husband screaming "get the fuck out of my house" while swinging a straw broom while his crying, seven-month pregnant wife lay lame on the ground clutching her ankle and unable to move.......I was going to jail because a fruit bat lost it's way and ended up in my bedroom.

Finally, Deb got up and I ordered her upstairs and into the bedroom. By the time she limped upstairs, both kids were up. They all went into my bedroom and closed the door. Elijah wanted to know why Daddy was screaming and yelling bad words. Deb told him there was a big moth flying around and Daddy was trying to neutralize it. That's a great visual I want my son to keep with him for life. Then again, if Elijah ever knew there was a bat in the house, he would need therapy to ever have a chance of sleeping again.

So the bat and I ended up in my living room. It was shooting from one end of the room to the other....just six feet off the ground and whizzing past my head. At every pass, I would swat at the thing with a broom that was six times it's size.....and miss. I felt like Bugs Bunny in that Who's on First cartoon when he swings and misses at every pitch 4 times. I sounded more like Monica Seles on every swing, grunting so families in Utah could hear a preview of the new neighbors they would be getting soon.

Finally, on a wild backswing, I made contact. The rodent hit my broom, then the wall and then..thud...on the ground. I was sweating so much I was shining up the room. I closed the door and got my breathing down to a normal level. I decided to get a plastic bag, sweep the bat into it and dispose of it. I got the bag and approached the carcass...

Did you ever walk up to a sleeping cat and scream, scaring the shit out of it? What happens? Exactly - it jumps on all fours about 3 feet in the air and lands 10 feet backwards with it's fangs drawn and tail in the air.

About two steps from Lucifer it started flapping it's wing and screaming. I am not exactly sure how I ended up in the garage but that's where I woke up.

So I come back into the living room and the bat is still there on the ground....injured and certainly not able to move. I decided there was not an exterminator that would come out at 2:20 in the morning. So, I did what every homeowner would do to protect his family....I covered the bat under a Calphalon Soup Pot. Ever use a Calphalon Soup Pot? It weighs about 30 pounds. Of course, an injured fruit bat would be able to lift it easily so I weighted it down with two more soup pots and a 10 pound fire extinguisher. It looked like a 5 foot metal tee-pee.

I went upstairs and into my bedroom. My family was staring at me. Mouths agape. Complete silence. "WELL???" Deb asked. "We are OK....for tonight." Nothing like making your family feel safe, right?

The next morning, the exterminator came and took care of the bat.

I was putting Elijah to bed the next night. I was laying next to him and he said,

"Dad, you were soooo brave yesterday catching that moth!!"

"Yep, Elijah, it was very brave. I am here to protect my family, son. I will make sure there is never any evil here. EVIL NEVER WINS! Mommy is cleaning the sheets now and I'll be able to go back to my room soon as well."

"Dad - you were like a SUPER HERO!"

"Call me.........BATMAN."

Only in America, or, You'll Be a Jewish Family Living WHERE?

It was the punchine of at least a hundred jokes growing up. It was also the "not" answer of questions like "Where will you be in 10 years?" It was a place where nobody actually LIVED...they just went to ski and then came back HOME. Certainly, it was not a place where any Jewish person would live......

In the once-again prove that life can throw anything at you, don't count your chickens before they hatch, book of YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME world that we live in....well......YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!! I am moving to...Utah?

As many of you already know - this is indeed the truth. We are moving to freaking UTAH. As I have gathered from reading the most recent edition of Mormon for Dummies, there ARE people who live in Utah - MANY of them. Now, there are just 4,000 Jews in Salt Lake City....there are 4,000 Jews on my block here in Cherry Hill....so...the change will be interesting.

For those who did not get the e-mail I sent last night, it is re-printed here at the end of this post forever to be archived. This way, I can remind myself when I visit my blog that I AM MOVING TO UTAH.

It's a good thing. No, it's a freaking GREAT thing. Deb and I believe that. Now YOU all PLEASE believe us!!! Thus far, the only issues we have encountered are people refusing to believe that we are really into this move! I can go into the tearing-the-scab-off-a-wound-that-is-not-yet-healed feeling of taking the kids away from their grandparents for a few years but I won't...yet. Read my blog in a few months when this happens and I am sure you will see plenty of that. No, the fact is that this is a phenominal adventure that we are being given the precious opportunity to embark upon. Does anyone out there honestly believe that they could take their families to a town of snow-covered mountains to live in God's country for a few years and NOT come back better for it? This is a gift! The chance for our family to grow on it's own for a few years, a chance for us to bond and see more. More culture, more climate, more mountains!! How could we not come back "more" people"??? And we DO have plans to return. We truly want our children to grow up near their entire families. That's part of the dream too.

We are moving to Utah. I'll be making several trips over the next few weeks and cannot wait to post the pictures here. Many of you have already pledged they would visit. PLEASE don't just say this! We will have a big house - plenty of room and we can't wait to share this with everyone. You have all been so supportive and, although I know it's difficult for some, please believe that we are sincere about coming back and know that your love and support have meant more than you know. We don't think we could have made this decision without believing that we had that support.

So, UTAH - get ready for the Yid population to triple! I think you hear us knockin', I think we're comin' in, and we're bringing bagels, lox and TONS OF CHUTZPAH with us!

Friends and Family…

Let me first apologize for not personally calling many of you. There is too much to explain and still too many questions that I can’t yet answer. While not as personal, e-mail gives me the opportunity to reach out to many of you at once and it’s a heck of a lot easier!!

So here’s the scoop…

Today I was offered a Director’s position with my company (Marlin Leasing). It’s by far the biggest promotion offer of my life and my ticket to lifelong success and job security for me and the family.

Here’s the kicker.

The job is in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I’ve been given the weekend to consider the offer and talk it over with my family. For us, it’s not that hard of a decision. I can tell you almost definitely, we are headed for the mountains.

I will have the responsibility to start the operation from scratch. The office does not even have a computer or a desk in it yet, let alone employees. They want to open on November 1^st with seven sales people and myself. I know – I have a lot of work to do.

So…does anyone want to start a career in financial sales and relocate to Utah? Send me your resumes!!

The plan will be for us to sell our house quickly and pick a house out there quickly. Deb and the kids would stay here (Moms!) and Deb will give birth to Littlefoot at Virtua Hospital in mid-November. I will be living in Utah and come home for the birth and Thanksgiving. Sometime after Thanksgiving, when Littlefoot can fly, Deb and the kids will come out and join me in our new home.

My commitment with Marlin is for two years. My thinking is between 3-5 years. We have strong feelings about not staying longer so that our children can grow up with their families. So far, in Marlin’s history, this has been the pattern.

Candice found flights for $250 round trip!!! Will have 5 bedrooms in our house so you all have to come keep us company now and again!!!

Maybe we will be up for some sort of Jewish Nobel Peace Prize for tripling the Jewish population in Utah when we move….

We told Elijah about this and he’s excited to go on “a Borenstein adventure to the mountains.” It will be a family bonding experience and I am sure that we will emerge from this as a tight family unit and be better for it in the long haul.

I will have more details over the next week or so. I am sure I will be speaking to or e-mailing all of you as those details come in. I know that the office is at the base of a snow capped mountain in Salt Lake and Deb has already been in touch with a realtor and with the JCC there. As usual, more details will also be posted on my weblog at www.671967.blogspot.com.

Thanks again everyone for your support throughout this process. Our home is open to all of you and don’t get used to us being gone cause the BORENSTEIN BBQ’S WILL BE RETURNING BEFORE LONG!!!!! And yes, Mikey, you will again see me sweating at the grill….

JB