1st Graders Can Read

So Deb was having some fun one day and sent me a graphic to my cellphone that said "I Love My Penis" only the word 'Love' was actually a heart. You know the kind. I thought it was hysterical and kept it in the memory of my phone.

This past Tuesday, I took Elijah to the Utah Jazz game with my friend Jonathan and his son Brennan. During the car drive home, I decided to show Jonathan the picture. Forgetting Elijah could read - even from the back seat - I pulled the picture onto the screen of my phone and held it up for Jonathan. We had a laugh and continued the drive home.

Fifteen minutes later, I heard a conversation starting from the backseat...

Elijah: Hey Brennan...

Brennan: Yes, Elijah.

Elijah: Guess what?

Brennan: What Elijah?

Elijah: My dad loves his penis.

Is that wrong?

Coward Isaac

OK...see if you can follow along....

Hannah goes to Buttons & Bows every day for preschool. Several months ago, she started talking about a boy that went there as well. She said his name was 'Coward Isaac'.

Every day, Hannah would come home and talk about how she played all day with Coward Isaac and how he was her best friend. Just for fun I always asked Hannah what he was so scared of. She didn't get it.

In any case, believe it or not, the boy's name is not Coward Isaac at all. It's Isaac Howard. Close, right?

Anyway, Isaac and his family happen to belong to the synagogue and Deb knows his family well. I got to meet him recently and he's quite the cutie, with a head of red hair and an amazing affection for Hannah.

About a month ago, Hannah began saying how she's going to marry Coward Isaac. "I'm going to marry him, Daddy. 'Cause he loves me and I love him."

Interesting, at 3.5 years old....Deb and I thought it was adorable. Every day at dinner..."I am going to marry Coward Isaac."

Eventually, Hannah got the name right. Still, she was going to marry Isaac Howard. THEN, one fateful day in February, Hannah told us that Isaac Howard was hanging out with ANOTHER girl and he planned on marrying BOTH Hannah and this new girl.

Not on my watch!!

I told Hannah that she should stand her ground. It was either Hannah alone or she was out of the picture. I'll give Coward Isaac something to be scared about!!

So...she did! She told Isaac Howard that if he didn't just go out with her, then Hannah would not marry him and would break up with him.

Guess what? She broke up with him!

Here's the kicker...

The 'other woman'??

Isaac Howard's GRANDMOTHER.

Yes, Isaac Howard has decided to marry his grandmother.

Hannah has not lost any sleep though. She's going to marry Brennan now.

Spring in Utah

I'll let the pictures do the talking today. Here are Hannah's first soccer game, Sadie's new hairdo and our first day in the beautiful Utah spring. Enjoy!!!

Utahlogy

There are many differences living here in Utah and living in New Jersey. That's putting is lightly. Many of these differences are evident every single day. Some, only once in awhile. One of the more prevalent differences is the nightly news. I've said over and over again since we've been here (over 11 months now!) that the nightly news is like watching Oprah or Regis. It's mostly human interest stories with an occasional hard news story thrown in. Newspeople wear jeans on Fridays and spend most of the newscast engaged in smalltalk. Why? Because there just is not a lot going on that is really newsworthy.

You probably heard by now that there was a horrible mall shooting here in Salt Lake earlier this week. Some loony walked into a mall with a shotgun and killed five people before the police gunned him down in a clothing store. It was national news. My dad called me while watching Jim Gardner on Channel 6 after hearing the news. UTAH HAD A MURDER!!!

This mall massacre was the single worst massacre in Salt Lake history. Five people dead. SINGLE WORST MASSACRE in Salt Lake history! That would not make the Top 1,000 in Philadelphia. New York? Ah, probably page 10 news. It's funny how my friends and family reacted. One of my friends sent me an e-mail that read, "What kind of town did you move to where someone shoots five people dead!!!" I responded, very simply, "at least Rabbis don't have their wives killed here."

Fact is, it's easy living in Utah. With such a low crime rate and such great climate, it makes people happier. There's less doom and gloom here. And, for someone like me, that's a real good thing. It's more compatible with me.

***************************************************************
Uggh...Now that I am posting this I am realizing that my mother will probably read this and immediately call me. "Are you ever coming home?" RELAX MOM!!! The plan is still to return at some point. :-) (gotta love Jewish mothers....they make you put disclaimers in blog posts..)

Life is a Highway

I look up...and it's the end of January. What a month!! Let's see if I can recap everything here with the help of some pics.

An Uninvited Guest
The month began with a furry creature roaming our living room. Jerry the Mouse. Deb discovered him one morning at 6am and they heard the screams in Cherry Hill. I came running and watched Jerry run laps around the perimeter of the living room, up the cables and onto the TV stand, then back down the cables and around the room again. Nice. Set traps - go to work. What is the absolute worst thing that can happen when returning home to check the traps six hours later? A mouse trapped in every one? Think again. That's right.....nothing. Empty traps, quiet house...no Jerry. Gone. The exterminator came and placed poison bait in some strategic places in the house. If Jerry ate the bait, he would eventually die peacefully but, chances are, we would not discover him. In any case, after a few nights of six empty peanut butter traps, we decided that Jerry either left our house because there was no food, or ate the poison bait and died somewhere we could not find him. We have not seen a trace of him since.

Glevan

Evan visited us for the first time this month. The kids gave him a new nickname, Glevan, because saying 'Uncle Evan' quickly sounds like Glevan. One of the activities that we planned for Evan's visit was a trip about ten miles up the mountain to the Holliday Gun Range. Yes, I was going shooting. This was no ordinary shooting, though. One of my neighbors makes a living training law enforcement employees how to shoot. He owns a lot of guns. I don't mean regular guns....no - I mean, well as he puts it, "the fun stuff." The three of us drove to the range and, in ten degree weather, proceeded to take turns shooting a 22, revolver, glock, 9mm, and half a dozen other automatic weapons. I shot some weapons that were worth $25K apiece. For someone who had never even touched a gun previously, here I was shooting automatic weapons at ice targets in the Wasatch Mountains. I was good too! Now, three weeks later, Glevan still has an erection from that shooting session. For me, it was not that big a deal. However, I got some cool pics!!!

Mick Hadar Goldstein!
I traveled to New Jersey with Sadie last week and got to spend my first bit of quality time with my nephew MICK!!! He is such a joyful little guy, so innocent and happy. He spent more time smiling than not and, without prior knowledge of what he's been through, you would have no clue! We bonded for sure. It was sad to leave but something tells me he will remember me when we meet again this June.





Isabel Skye Coleman Day two of my New Jersey trip took Sadie and I to West Virginia to attend the baby naming for my neice Isabel. The family got to see Sadie for the first time since October and she had a great time!!! Isabel is gorgeous!




Elijah's Big Day
This Thursday, Elijah was presented with the Principal's Pride award at school for excellence at Math and Reading! The Principal of his school called him up, spoke about his achievements and handed him his award. He also won a certificate for free ice cream and free dinner at a local restaurant! We are so proud of our boy!!!!


So that brings us to the present! Next week, Deb is headed to New Jersey with Sadie to see the family and celebrate Amy's 30th birthday.

Have a good weekend everyone!!!

2007

Happy New Year everyone!! I know it's cliche, but 2006 really did fly by. It felt like half a year to me. I just cannot believe that...

• It's been over a year since we sold our house in Cherry Hill
• We have lived in Utah for nine months
• Elijah is SEVEN years old
• Hannah is 3.5 years old
• Sadie is over one!!
• I am going to be 40 in 6 months

OK, that last one almost made me toss my Subway Tuna sandwich. Truth is, all of the boys will be turning 40 this year. I won't get into my personal feelings about all that...yet. I am sure I will blog about it as the day gets closer.

For now, the schedule is packed for the first half of 2007 already.

• Uncle EVAN is coming in for four days this month!
• I am travelling to NJ with Sadie for business and pleasure from the 20th through the 24th of this month.
• Deb is travelling to NJ with Sadie a few weeks later to hand with family for a few days.
• We are waiting to hear if Liz and Alex will be making an adventure to Utah in February!
• We are meeting my parents in Vegas for a four day jaunt in March. We will be driving there with the kiddies through Southern Utah which should be beautiful!
• April brings Bobe and Zeide back to Utah along with Carlos and Perla!!
• May seems rather quiet for now...anyone wanna change that?
• June brings a big trip to NJ with the whole family for a visit that includes my 40th birthday bash at Mom's on June 9th! You are all invited!!!

Tonight I am attending my first Utah Jazz game. It's against my beloved 76'ers so I will be cheering for my boys! Virtually every Jazz game is a sellout but I just saw on the website that there are 'plenty of tickets' available for this one. Guess the Sixers ain't quite the draw they once were...

We just had a record month here at Marlin Leasing Western Division and things are looking up, up, up!!!

Quick kids update...

Elijah has his next belt test on January 20th in karate. He is going for his orange/yellow belt!! He is really the karate master now and we are thinking about the all-day camp for this summer for him. It's called 'Kickin' Kids Camp'.

Hannah wants to take ballet. She knows all the words to The Little Mermaid song 'Part of Your World' and it's the friggin cutest thing EVER.

Sadie just wants to go everywhere she's not supposed to go and touch everything she's not supposed to touch. You can say it's cute. I say IT'S ANNOYING AS HELL. However, she's so damn cute that's it becomes OK.

Deb had her office redesigned this week and has a brand new desk and everything. Now she's working in style!!

Here's some news for y'all. The Utah Borensteins have been selected to appear in Salt Lake Magazine's Hanukkah special for 2007. The photo shoot is next Saturday night. They are re-creating a Hanukkah party and taking lots of pics! We are not sure when the feature is running but Salt Lake Magazine has a readership of 168,000 and is Salt Lake's biggest monthly magazine! We are famous!!

We spent a quiet New Year's with our friends, the Cohens. The kids played and we drank a bottle of Stoli Raspberry. :-)

Happy New Year everyone. More pictures coming soon!!!

Isabel Skye




Congrats to Deb's sister Amy and her hubby Brett on the arrival of their first child, Isabel Skye! Amy was in labor for about a month and told me this morning she can't wait to do it again. Actually it was about 4 days but when you are in labor, a day is equal to a week....

Congrats guys!!!!

Lucky Seven

Today is Elijah's seventh birthday. I am not going to delve into all of reasons why this is incredible to me. I won't talk about how old I feel or how time flies or any of that. In fact, all you have to do is re-read that first sentence over a few times and get the same effect that I got. Nausea. Today, we celebrate the anniversary of our becoming parents. It's pretty amazing, really. I cannot remember much about life as a couple before Elijah came along. It's as if we were brought together to be parents. Wow, that's deep... It's true, though. I've learned more in the last seven years than I did in the previous 32 years combined. Our lives became enriched when Elijah arrived. Our purpose was established and we began this unpredictable journey of adventure known as parenthood.

It's amazing how parenting became a little easier with Hannah and then Sadie. We knew what to do. We knew what to expect. We were able to diffuse situations before they happened because we had been through it already with Elijah. Sometimes I feel bad because Elijah is still the one going through everything first. We are still going to take all of the mistakes we make with him and correct them for Hannah and Sadie. He's never going to be able to benefit from our experience as parents. Kinda sad, in a way. However, on the flip side, we've made many good decisions with him so it seems we have not made all THAT many mistakes! :-) Props to us!

These days, Elijah is going through testing for placement next year in school. He's had to take tests on the last two Saturday afternoons for that. With every passing day, he gets more and more logic infused in his behavior. He tests us daily. It seems he is jockeying for position with his sisters and it's a struggle for him every single day. We feel for him. Although we scold him for bad behavior (sometimes daily), we feel terrible about it because we know he is learning his way in the world too and it's hard for him. In many ways, we are learning together with him.

Perhaps the best part of this seventh birthday was the surprise visit from Abuela! She arrived on Friday afternoon. Deb picked her up at the airport with Hannah. Deb told Hannah that they were at the airport to pick up a package for Elijah's birthday. Hannah told Deb that "the airport was to pick up people, not packages!" Deb explained that some packages are just too big for the mail and need to be picked up at the airport. Just then, Abuela walks up to them and Hannah saw her. Her very first sentence was, "Hi Abuela! We are waiting for a package to come for Elijah!" So damn cute.

Elijah's reaction was similar. I picked him up from school and drove him to the house, where Abuela was waiting. I had him knock on the door and Abuela answered. Elijah shouted, "Abuela!! Guess what - I BEAT the Playstation game that you bought me last time!! Wanna see it?" He was freaked out for sure.

So Abuela has been here all weekend and she is leaving tonight. We had Elijah's birthday dinner last night at The Mayan and had a great time. Elijah opened some gifts and got Star Wars Lego II for his Game Boy from Abuela and Grandpa. He's seriously psyched. So is Deb because she gets to play it when he goes to sleep. He also got this really cool pentop computer called the FLY from Bobe and Zeide which actually has a brain in it. You touch the pen on things and it tells you facts about the object. It scares me. There's all sorts of cool software out there for it and it's a PEN!! Very cool.

Elijah's party is next Saturday at the Dojo. He gets to cut his cake with a real Samurai Sword!

So Happy Birthday Elijah, Lij-ee, Scooby, Scrubby, Scrub the Deck, Scoobishvat, Lijah-Lo-Von-Bankie, etc. We love you and look forward to learning with you for many years to come.

Sadie is One!

Happy birthday Sadie!!! I can't believe you are one already! We had a quiet celebration in our kitchen. Elijah and Hannah gave her gifts and she mutilated a cupcake afterwards.

DISNEY 2006!

Breathe. We are back. All of us! Back in our house in beautiful, crispy Utah! Our week at Disney with the Turers was fantastic. We park-hopped for five days and then spent day six lounging at the pool and coming down off the high of the week. When I say park-hopped - I mean it! We walked Magic Kingdom, Epcot Center, MGM Studios and Downtown Disney from 10am to 10pm every day. We decided to skip Animal Kingdom because it was just too much at the end of the trip.

Some highlights....

Sadie rode her 1st ever ride! She rose the Carousel and loved it!!

Hannah got to meet all of her hero Princesses like Cinderella and Snow White when we had lunch at Cinderella's castle on Monday. On Tuesday, she went to the Bippity Boppity Boutique in Downtown Disney with Sydney and they had their hair and makeup done for Halloween. The pictures do not do it justice. It was weird for me because every time I looked at her on the chair getting made-up, I could not help but think about her on her wedding day doing the same thing. Strange, I know...but it was good for a misty moment or two. Is she the most beautiful little girl in the world, or what?

Elijah nealy short-circuited when he got to ride the Star Tours attraction at MGM Studios (he did it four times!) and then got to meet DARTH VADER himself! Tuesday the kids dressed up for Halloween and looked awesome in their costumes. We walked the Magic Kingdom and collected about ten pounds of candy. Elijah was especially in his element, stopping every time he saw another kid with a light saber to duel them.

We all had a great time at the Hoop*Dee*Doo Review. It's a show and BBQ out on the Disney campground and we ate and drank to our heart's content. Spencer got noticed by the cast for his uncanny ability to TOOT TOOT during the show and yours truly was selected and brought backstage to be the STAR of the show. I had to dress as Davey Crockett's Angel and donned fairy wings, halo and short skirt for my 30 seconds of fame. The sold-out crowd was quite impressed and Deb got some fantastic video, although there are no stills of the event (yet). Spencer may have some from his camera. If he does, I will post them here for the world to see.

Epcot is my personal favorite with all of the countries. It was Food and Wine Week so there were over 25 kiosks around the loop with food from different countries. We had Sushi in Japan, Brats in Germany, Shrimp on the Barbie from Austrailia, and dumplings in China. That was a great night.

The attractions at the parks are as great as ever. We loved the Nemo attraction at Epcot.

A great time was had by all. You can see all 230+ pictures I took here. I will be posting a video or two here if I can get them to work. We are all still tired from the trip and kids are still catching up on their sleep. We always have a great time with Spencer, Lynne, Sydney and Sophia and this was a classic week. Great memories...

Sadie turns ONE on Saturday!!! We have a birthday party for Hannah's friend Addie and then we will have a small party of our own. Pictures to follow!!

Abuela

Wow. Almost a month between posts! I've not been ignoring you - I just cannot believe how time has flown this month!! Tomorrow, at this time, Deb and the girls will be on the plane to New Jersey. I can't believe it's time already!!

Deb will be in New Jersey for nearly a week before Elijah and I go there. Amy's shower is Saturday so she will get to be there for that. She's also going to meet MICK before me!!! Unfortunately, it looks like Mick won't be released home before our trip there, which means the kids will not get to meet him. That sucks. However, he is doing progressively better and will probably be home shortly after we depart.

Elijah and I get to NJ on the afternoon of the 26th. Friday, the 27th is my one day to see everyone before services on Friday night for Lauren's Bat-Mitzvah. Saturday is the event and then Sunday afternoon we are leaving with The Turers for a week at Disney World!! FINALLY a vacation!! I can't want for Hannah to see Disney for the first time. Elijah was there when he was two and, although he remembers a lot, he was sleeping in his stroller for much of it. This trip is going to be very special!

Mom was here for nine days and it was wonderful. She took care of the kids, did the laundry, made dinner every night and slept between Elijah and Hannah every night in a queen sized bed. The two of them had trouble falling asleep on the first night after she left. Everytime the kids spend time with Abuela, Hannah tries new foods. Last week she tried avocado, cooked beets, eggplant, and kiwi fruit. Loved them all. I can't wait to buy her more kiwi. She's cuter than EVER these days with her hair up.

Elijah is gearing up for his big day this Saturday!!! He is testing for a belt promotion at his Karate school. The test is at 9am and he's been practicing for it. Deb and the girls will be in NJ for the big event but it will be BOYS DAY and we will celebrate afterwards! He's been practicing outside lately. The weather has been great and the mountains have snowcaps now so it makes for a cool makeshift dojo.

Sadie. Oh my little Sadie. Mom had a good time bathing her in the sink all week. She's really getting bigger and her personality is really coming out now. She is going to be ONE on November 11th! She's giving up on the baby food now and eats whatever we eat along with her four bottles a day. She's so cute and cuddly and she's ALWAYS smiling as big as this...

It's nice to have Mom in town. Most of you will say, "yeah, of course it is because she does your laundry, watches the kids and makes dinner." True. I will admit that is true. However, it's nice to see her too. It's hard living so close to your Mom all the time. I think it's healthy to live far away sometimes because it makes together time better and more meaningful. Deb and I were just as excited as the kids while we waited for her plane to land and we were just as sad as the kids when she left.

Mom cleaned all the dirty Sadie diapers while she was here. THAT was nice, for sure. However, she left a few days early...

Yesterday, Hannah was in the bathroom downstairs while we were fixing dinner in the kitchen. I heard her call me from the bathroom. She usually calls me when she poops so I can help her when she's done. Anyway, I heard her call and asked Deb, "What did she say?" We stopped what we were doing and she called again from downstairs and, this time, it was quite clear.

"Daddy! I have poop on my toe!"

So I put down the pizza bagels I was about to cook and walked downstairs. The whole 15 seconds it took me to get there I was thinking, "poop on her TOE? WTF?" I arrived at the toilet and Hannah was sitting there like normal. There was poop in the toilet and she looked perfectly OK...except for the dollop of poop resting right on the top of her third toe. Her panties were spotless, the floor was spotless, the toilet seat was spotless, her hands were spotless. OK. So I clean her up and put her panties on.

"Hannah, how did you get a dollop of poop on your third toe?"

"What's a wallop?"

Mystery unsolved.

Sometimes kids just get stuff in places that no other human beings can get to. It's just that simple.

Where was Mom when I needed her then? Mom would have doused Hannah in formaldehyde, scrubbed the bathroom with Comet, opened all the windows to get the germs out, and had the family evacuated to a shelter for the night. I just wiped the poop off with some toilet paper.

Lot's more new pics are up!! Click here to see them!!!

Hannah Leora

Dear Hannahle,

Since you turned three years old in May, I have noticed such beautiful changes in you that I find myself getting goose bumps just thinking about you lately.

You have become one of the sweetest, most caring and wonderful people I have ever known; and I can’t imagine how much more wonderful you will become once you start to understand how your sweetness affects others.

When I had my little operation this summer, you came to me every single day for a month and asked me how my boo-boo was. It wasn’t just that you asked, but it was the way you asked. You put your hand on my knee, looked in my eyes and asked me in the sweetest voice I have ever heard.

Most of our days end with me putting you in your bed. You don’t let anyone else do it if I am there. You always ask me to pick you up and carry you to your bed so I can protect your feet from the “hot lava.” When we get to your room, you always ask me what kind of tea I want and then pretend to fix it in your toy blue cup with “just a little honey, just like you like it.” You are so genuine that I can almost taste real tea when I bring the cup to my mouth. When I “drink” my tea, your eyes never leave the cup so you can see if I approve of the taste of my tea.

Sometimes, on the weekends, you take my order and prepare me my favorite pancakes with just a little syrup for dipping. Sometimes you share my syrup with me. I love that.

Every night at dinner, you always want to eat exactly what I am eating. When I eat a potato and you taste it, you say we are “potato partners.” When I eat corn and you taste it, you say we are “corn cousins.” When we eat tomatoes, you say we are “tomato twins.” You don’t always like what I eat for dinner but you always want to taste it. You are adventurous and eager to try all of the new things you come across in the course of your day.

Just about every day when I get home, you come running full steam towards me screaming, “DADDY!!!” and leap into my arms. As soon as I hug you, you ask how my day was. The best part of that for me is that you actually listen when I answer you. If I say, “bad”, you ask me why it was bad. When I say, “good”, you ask me why it was good, even though you already know the answer. It’s because I get to come home to a hug from you! You love hearing me say that and I can see how your eyes light up when I say that night after night.

The love and affection you show to your brother and sister are amazing. When Elijah comes home from karate, you always ask him how his karate class was. The other day, you begged me to take you with me to pick him up from his class. Together, we watched as he finished his moves and when he was done, you turned to me and said, “I am so proud of ‘Lijah!” You always help Sadie with her “tete” and blankie and you are gentle and compassionate towards her. You love how she wears your old clothes and can’t wait for her to be able to play with your Dora House with you. I know this because I hear you talking to her when you don’t know I am there.

Sometimes I just wish I could stop time and savor every moment just a little bit more. When I am peeking in at you playing in your room with Sadie, I always picture you ten, fifteen, twenty years later doing the same thing….

The other day when you were sitting on my lap watching TV, I asked you if it was OK if you ALWAYS sat on my lap forever. You said, “of course, Daddy, I’m your girl.” You didn’t see my face but I had a tear running down my cheek. You are right, you are my girl. And I am proud to be your Daddy.

I love you very, very much.

Love, Daddy

You are the wind at my back
You give what I lack
You're the jewel in my hand
You're like rain on dry land

You're the focus the beam
You're realities dream
You're the blue in my black
You're the wind at my back

And my soul has been kissed
Just because you exist
You're the dream that's a fact
You're the wind at my back

Mick and Mouse

It's weird how things manifest themselves in your life. Strange thing happened in my office this week. We discovered a mouse. All this week, we have been missing our family desperately because of our new cousin and newphew Mick. Everyone has met him and touched him except for us and it's hard being out here. Maybe it's Mick's way of saying he knows we are here and can't wait to meet him. In the 16 years I have been working in an office, I have never once seen a mouse. There he was yesterday, chomping on some scraps of food on the floor and scampering away when he was seen. Weird? The building management set traps last night but the mouse is still on the loose. I feel funny calling him Mickey Mouse but, for some reason, every time I think of the Mouse, I think of Mick. Maybe that was planned.

Mick is doing well. His IV is out and he is growing nicely. Candice gets to hold him every day and Scottie too. It's all good. He should be home in plenty of time for us to meet him when we go to NJ in late October!

Happy Anniversary Ma and Pop Borenstein!!!! Married 41 years TODAY!!!!

WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

The Miracle (x2)

Most of you know that my sister and her husband have been expecting their first child this November. Most of you also know the process they had to endure to get to this point. A certain subtle post I made earlier this year alluded to this situation. In any case, all was progressing well with the pregnancy and the only sad part was that Deb and the kids and I would not be able to see "Nugget" for awhile because our visit to NJ in October would probably be weeks before the birth. We were making plans for visits in early 2007 to meet my future neice or nephew.

This past Saturday, we were visiting a couple at their home for Shabbat lunch. This couple keeps a kosher house and shomer shabbat. Shomer shabbat means no phone usage, no turning on electric items, no driving, etc. Of course, as soon as we arrived my cellphone rang. I decided to be respectful and not answer it. I knew it was Mom because she has a special ringtone with her voice programmed into my phone. "Hello my handsome son. This is your mother calling. PICK IT UP!!" I heard the voicemail signal beep so I figured I would respond later, after we left. Not sixty seconds later, the phone rang again with her voice. She would not call twice in a row unless something was wrong. I asked permission from the hosts and they urged me to answer it. Mom was crying. Candice was in the hospital with extremely high blood pressure (200 over 150 or something, she said) and the doctors have to take the baby by C-section immediately.

Candice had severe headaches that morning and was seeing spots. She was swollen and having mini-contractions. Scottie rushed her to the hospital. The doctor knew pretty quickly that she was suffering from preeclampsia. She was in the OR within two hours and gave birth to a 2lb, 9 oz baby boy around 5pm EST on Saturday. The baby was rushed to ICU and given IV's between his little fingers and a tube to help breathing. Candice was quite out of it for awhile while the doctors worked to bring her blood pressure down. It took over a day to do this.

The doctors said that the baby may get worse before he gets better and to fully expect this. Plenty of babies born nine weeks premature end up perfectly fine. The first few nights were scary for everyone. The baby needed some help on occasion with breathing but as of my last report earlier today, is breathing fine. He developed some jaundice last night but was in good shape today. Thank god. The prognisis is good and within six weeks or so, my new nephew will come home. Candice is being discharged tomorrow and will have to travel to the hospital every day to deliver colostrum for the baby. They give it to him through his IV.

I'll have more updates here as they come in. For now, it's yet another example of the Miracle of Birth.

Mick Hadar Goldstein, born September 2, 2006

It's a Female Dog

Today is Elijah's second day of his new life as a first grader. Yesterday was described by him as "the best day EVER" so it's been going well so far.

Most of you know by now from reading the blog for years, that he and I have a ritual each night. I lay in his bed with him for 30 or so minutes and we talk about everything from the latest transformer toys to the solar system. By the way, try explaining to your six year old why Pluto is not a planet anymore. I just told him it was demoted for non-performance.

Anyway, this past Sunday during our "laydown time" as he calls it, Elijah asked me a startling question.

"Daddy, what's a bitch?"

"It's what you call your new 1st grade teacher when she mouths off to you about your poor performance on the pop quiz she had no right giving you the day before."

Blogger does not let you put a thought cloud around quotes yet....if they did, there would be one around the quote above. Don't freak on me.

"One of the kids at the Montessori School used to say bitch all the time. What does that mean? Is bitch a bad word? Do we say bitch in the house? When is a good time to say bitch?"

I emphasize the 'b' in bitch because that's how he was saying it. It was almost like he was rubbing the word in my face over and over again.

"Bitch is a bad word, Elijah. We don't say that word around the house ever. You also don't say it outside of the house. It's the same level as asshole, jerkoff, dicknose, douchebag, fartknocker, scumbag and a host of other words we never say."

"What were those other ones, dad?"

"Get a pen."

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Hannah recently told me what she wants to do when she's "growed up." I was so proud. She wants to be a pancake maker.

I briefly considered taking her out of the 3 year old class at the Montessori School right then. She does not need a day more of schooling! I think you can apply for a degree in pancake making after registering for preschool. The pancake industry only needs to see that you enrolled in preschool and you are in. Think of the money we will save!!

She actually made me pancakes last weekend and they were fantastic! Much better than the pancake maker at IHOP here in Salt Lake. She could take that person's job TODAY!!

Thing is, what is the mecca job for pancake makers? I mean, you start mopping the pancake batter at Denny's, then get promoted to Director of Pancake Making there. Then maybe a headhunter gets you interviews at Marie Callanders and IHOP. Maybe you take a Junior Directorship at IHOP for a few years and get your certification. Then what? At least you have initials next to your name, Hannah Borenstein CPM. Maybe she will invent a NEW pancake or revolutionize the whole pancake industry. Hmmmm....HannahCakes! Her ticket is secure!!

From 1st Grade to College (Without Passing GO)

This is the title of my latest post over at DadBloggers.

Check it out!

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

We just completed hosting Deb's parents for ten days. My father-in-law (Bochi) is an avid fan of planes and trains so many of our activities around town centered around them. We visited the Hill Airforce Base, Union Station and the Heber Railroad. We rode a steam train through the hills of Heber and Deb had her picture taken in front of her favorite airplane, the SR-71. You can see all of the pictures from the visit on the gallery link to the right. It was a nice visit featuring TONS of eating. I think I gained 7 pounds! We had Deb's birthday dinner at Tango Grille downtown, an Argentine restaurant featuring MEAT. Lots of MEAT. We ate at Loco Lizards, iHop, Ruby Tuesday, Iggys and had several fantastic home-cooked meals of my favorite Argentine dishes, Milanesa and a pierogi and meat dish called Charkoye, which I cannot find ANYWHERE on the internet. Yum!!

So what's new with the kiddies? Hannah has become pure joy. She wears her intense emotions and love on her sleeve and sometimes you can even see it surrounding her....like in this picture. She is so sweet I can't stand it. I spend a lot of time squeezing her. She is liking the Montessori School and we are moving her to a program that is more suitable for her in September at a place called Buttons & Bows.

Elijah is starting 1st grade in TWO WEEKS!! I can't wait to write about that! He's been anxious about it but he gets comfort knowing that some of the kids from kindergarten will be there with him. Poor guy has been through so much change in the last six months. He's still all love though. He protects his little sister like she's a rare gem. He's my boy.

The big news around the house this week concerns #3! Sadie is crawling all over the place. It's not safe anymore!! She's fast and ACTIVE. Her checkup went great, she's growing at least two teeth and she's MOBILE.

I will work on posting some video of her crawling soon.

All else is well here in Utah! Our next visitor is in early September for a night or two and then Aunt Rockie comes for Rosh Hashana!!

And for those who are concerned....my "boys" have recovered quite well....

More from Jawdy...

For those of you who say I should post more often - I have been! Just not necessarily here. I've been contributing to another blog called DadBloggers for six months. I write once a month there along with 25 or so other Dads. The site has been getting some good momentum and is being featured this week in the local newspaper in North Carolina, where it's based (the Charlotte Observer). I'll post the article link here when I get it. Anyway - go check it out - my most recent post about my vasectomy "A Stitch in Time" was published just yesterday.

DadBloggers

Yank, Snip, Sear

A man comes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I want a vasectomy." The doctor says, "Well, that's a big decision; have you discussed this with your family?" And he replies, "Yes, and they're in favor, 11 to 3."

So here I am at my office on a Monday. It's not like any other Monday in my office before, though. No - this is the very first Monday I have reported to work sterile. I limped in today with that grin on my face that says, "my scrotum was violated three days ago and I am LOVING LIFE!"

I had arrived at the Doctor's office happy and sad. Happy that I would finally take care of this and sad because I was about to intrude into the lives of two of my very best friends. I mean, there they are, never bothered anybody or anything. They spent their lives servicing me and tending to my needs. They never complained, never bitched about their living conditions, never spoke up about tight undies or hot car seats. They just did their jobs. Now, here I was, making a life changing decision for them without even bothering to ask. Well, that's not entirely true. While shaving the night before, I did mention a little apology and tried to prepare them for the trauma that was ahead.

The Doctor was terrific. I was on my back on the table. Bare from the waist down except for a excellently designed surgical paper/cloth thing with a neat hole cut in the middle for Pierre and the boys to peek through. I didn't look down in the direction for the entire 25 minutes of the procedure. The Doctor applied several solutions with cotton and started talking to me about pro basketball. He's a Jazz fan and he knew I was a Sixers fan so we talked hoops while he worked on me. He warned me of a few light pricks as he injected the stuff that numbs you. It was like getting shots of Novacain in your mouth except it was your scrotum instead.

Once I "numbed up", the Doctor, with his nurse assisting, started the procedure. Besides the banter about rebounds and Michael Jordan, all I heard was some actual snipping as the doc cut my innards. The sound of the snip was alarming. It sounded like when you cut one of those thin plastic thingys that attaches the price to a new pair of pants...except it's inside your scrotum. After the snip, I could smell the burning as the Doctor cauterized either end of the price tag wire and then pushed them back inside. My right side was less cooperative. I had scar tissue in there from a double hernia fix that I had 35 years ago. He apologized as he had to do "more manipulation" to get the right one done. Finally the snip. Then the burn. At that point, I thought we were done, save for the stitching up.

What are some of the worse sentences you can hear a Doctor mutter to his nurse while you are laying there having open-scrotum surgery? I guess the worse would be, "Whoa - quick - grab that before it bounces out of the room! 5 second rule!"

Before the doc stitched me up, he muttered to the nurse, "hold that skin there just for a second.." I got nauseaus for a second but managed to calm myself. The stitch followed and the Doctor announced that we were done.

He starts cleaning up and, I guess someone had called out that day, the doc asked ME to, "hold this really tight while we clean this up a bit." I reached my hand down and he put part of my scrotum in my hand and said to PINCH IT really hard. I just did I was told, being that I could not feel shit. There I was, laying there on a table squeezing my balls while a doctor and nurse cleaned up the crime scene and disposed of my vas deferens. I asked the doc if he had a camera.

The rest of the weekend was spent on the couch with my feet up. I iced my boys for ten straight hours after the procedure and have been wearing a jock to keep everything nice and tight since. People are asking me if I have pain and I really don't. The feeling is more like an annoying nudge down there, which is really what it should be because that's exactly what happened. I have just one stitch and it will dissolve on it's own. The doc wants to see me in eight weeks sporting a sample so he can see if all this worked. Between now and then, I need to ejaculate twenty times or more. NICE!

I want to thank Deb for taking such good care of me since the procedure. Her job started today and she's been a little stressed all weekend but still managed to make sure I stayed on the couch. Mom helped too before she left for home on Saturday.

Elijah asked me why I had the surgery and I told him so that we don't have anymore babies.

"Then why isn't MOM having the surgery - she's the one who has the babies."

"Don't you have a cartoon to watch now?" It's not time for the birds and bees just yet....

Nothing else is new. I had a vasectomy on Friday, Deb started her new job today and ALL THREE KIDS started their new programs today. No stress in my house at all. :-)

All three are doing great today. I just hung up with La Petite where Sadie is and they love her already. I am responsible for transporting Sadie and Deb handles Elijah and Hannah. They both go to the same place for the summer and it's just a mile from Deb's job so it's easy for her.

Mom went home on Saturday and left Elijah hysterical in the car because he didn't want her to leave. I felt terrible because I knew he would be OK within minutes of driving away from the airport but Mom would have to sit there waiting to board, by herself and thinking about him. He was fine as expected and Mom had a good flight and life is back to normal.

This weekend is a three day weekend for Utahns as they celebrate Pioneer Day. Our office will be closed on Monday and the state celebrates like it's the 4th of July all over again. This time there are twice as many fireworks, twice the celebrations, parades, etc. It's a state holiday. Even the banks are closed!

So that's all from Utah for now. Please say a prayer for my two best friends. May they rest in sperm-free peace.

Countdown to Capgun

Just six hours and six minutes now until I finally cap off the expansion of this generation of Borensteins!! Last night I prepared for the big day by following the instructions outlined on the Vasectomy Handbook that the good Doctor gave me. I shaved the to-be-sliced portion of my gonads clean last night. It's like I'm nine years old all over again.

The most interesting part of the to-do list that the Doctor gave me was the third item on the list. "Thouroughly clean your scrotum before the procedure." OK. Like I am going to submit myself to doctors and nurses sporting a punch bag with a week's worth of buildup. Give me a break. I should NOT wash it just out of spite. Actually, I took a loofa too it and realized after about seven seconds that I should have done that BEFORE I shaved... The pain of the surgery will be nothing to me now.