Success Hasn't Spoiled Me Yet

The only place where money comes before success is in the dictionary.

Lately I've been taking several three mile walks with my Mom around the neighborhood for exercise purposes each week. We usually whip around the course in about 50 minutes and we get a good sweat going. I like them because it's practically the only exercise I get and Mom likes them because she sees her son is exercising. Plus she gets me alone for 50 minutes where I can't excuse myself from conversation or otherwise hang up as if we were on the phone. Naturally, these walks are where Mom asks me the "touchy" questions; the ones I would probably attempt to skirt or avoid in other settings. Outside at 9:30 at night with nobody around us and nothing but quiet houses in our surroundings, I ain't going anywhere. So all the juicy gossip gets discussed on the streets of Woodcrest after dark.

Several weeks ago, Mom asked me why I don't post more about my childhood on my website. I mean, I write about the kids all the time and about current happenings and events in our lives but I never talk about the past. Why don't I write more about my childhood? Now I know Mom and I know how she tries to get information....he he....so....Mom wants me to open up about my childhood so that she can read deep into my mind about the job she did bringing me up. Mmm hmmm.....sneaky....but interesting nonetheless. (she'll deny this but that's Mom being cute...which she is). So I said OK! Why not? Maybe it will be good to document things from yesteryear in this "journal" so that my children can read about them someday too. Good idea. I decided that, over the next few weeks, I would spend some time talking about my youth. General stuff, you know, nothing therapeutic or otherwise damaging to myself or my family.

Truth be told - there is nothing I could say that would be damaging to myself or my family. I lived a fruitful, generally happy life as a youth. My mantra was always success is more important to me than money. My Dad told me several times a day...or was it per week?...that I have to make MONEY. You need MONEY. MONEY. MONEY. MONEY. Oh yeah, and did I mention that it's good to have MONEY? I think I pissed him off more than once by firing back that I could care less about money - just give me four walls, a wife, a few smiling kids and I am happy - and THAT is what I call SUCCESS!! No wait...I almost forgot.....FOOD. LOTS OF FOOD....

I've been hungry since I was a fetus. My first memory was wondering when the placenta was going to feed me my next meal. I've always loved eating. It's pleasurable. Growing up in Middletown we would have many meals with the Pasquerellas. Patty used to look at me in amazement and would always comment on how much I was enjoying the food. Mom spent most of her free time telling me how important it was to eat right. We didn't have Twinkies or cupcakes in my house. We had carrots and celery. We didn't eat mac and cheese 3 nights a week - we ate chicken and there was ALWAYS a salad and a veggie. All my friends had Twinkies and Ding Dongs in their lunch and I was packing 4 carrot sticks and cottage cheese and my sandwich was on wheat bread. STILL to this day, mention white bread to my mother and she has to be revived with smelling salts.

Lunch was one thing but the battle that was being waged every day between Mom and Dad was a whole 'nother trip. See, Dad is not exactly skinny. He loves to eat as much as I do. Mom works out 15 hours a week and considers 3 Corn Pops to be a meal. Think Fred and Wilma, OK? So if Dad put too much Russian dressing on his salad, Mom would comment. If Dad ate two forkfulls of Rice-A-Roni too quickly, Mom would comment. If Dad ordered Moo Shoo Pork instead of Moo Shoo Tofu - Mom would comment. Now, when Mom went away....he he....

"Bye Mom! Have a good time with Nora for the weekend! Don't worry - the three of us will be FINE!!"

(car pulls away)

"OK - Who's driving to the grocery store? Got the list? OK - double check - Super Sugar Crisp, Chocolate Pop Tarts, Breyers Butter Pecan Ice Cream and HOLLANDAISE SAUCE for tonight's leftover broccoli. GOT IT!"

"NO - we are not having broccoli tonight!! It's MOO SHOO PORK night!"

So Food was paramount in my life and still is. That's why I am capitalizing it. Looking back, however, I have doubts on whether keeping me away from fattening foods was the best move. Most of you have seen me now. I am not a skinny guy. I am not fat...I'm fluffy. I'm pleasantly plump, I have a "teddy bear" physique....you know...BIG BONED....OK OK OK...I am fat...but THAT'S OK because my wife loves me the way I am, right? I've been on the seafood diet for a long time..you know - I see food and I eat it. I really consider myself to be in shape.................MY SHAPE. But I digress.....Keeping me from Twinkies may have created the urge to binge on them once I left the nest. In college, my ideal afternoon was sitting in front of the TV to watch "Dallas" re-runs whilst eating an entire tube of Pringles. YES - those Pringles - the ones my mother would rather have root canal than let me eat. I kept the Pringles brand in existence from 1985 through 1990. It was the "THREE P's" - Pringles, Pop Tarts and Peanut Butter. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner of Champions.

All of my thinner friends ate whatever they wanted. Gary grew up on Corn Dogs down in Margate. Ate ten of 'em a week. He never gained weight after high school. Mark's mom always kept "the good stuff" in her bread cabinet - Yo Yo's and Ho Ho's and Tastycakes and all that crap. Mark never gained an ounce. Me? I ate so much of that crap from 1985 on that I should have been a house. I held my weight well. People guess my weight and tell me I'm 220 pounds. When they hear my REAL weight they always ask the same question, "WHERE DO YOU KEEP IT ALL?" I tell them the truth - I have a 12 inch penis and 4 pound testicles.

Now, as an adult, I think about food all the time. I am not into drinking or drugs. My vice is good food. I told some dinner guests last night, my ideal eating day - if health is not an issue - would be two Egg McMuffins for breakfast, a double Quarter Pounder for lunch and a few Big Mac's for dinner. MMMmmmmm. Yummy! (pause while Mom peels herself off the floor).

So that's some of the reason why I don't force my kids to eat ONLY good foods. If Elijah wants white bread - I'll give it to him. If he wants fruit snacks once in awhile - he gets them. I don't want to keep it away from them so they run to it when I'm not around. Elijah told me the other day, "Dad, when I grow up - that's when I'm going to eat vegetables, K?" When I was 4 years old I was saying things like, "Mom, when I grow up, that's when I'm going to eat Twinkies and Ju Ju B's. K?"

People remember all sorts of things from their childhood. Can you believe that I have a VIVID memory of the moment I graduated from Whopper Jr's to Whoppers? It was a summer night and Mom and Dad let me stay up for Sonny & Cher. Dad had somehow convinced Mom (too much wine?) to eat Burger King and he told me he was going out and getting me a Whopper Jr.

"No Dad. It's time. I've been thinking about this for several weeks. I'm not your little boy anymore. I use deodorant now and change my underwear every day. I am off the training wheels and last night I stole the Suzanne Summers Playboy from your room. I think I'm ready. MAKE MINE A WHOPPER!"

With tears flowing down my parent's faces, my Dad hugged me, "Son! I'm so proud of you!" Then Mom came over, "WHY!! WHY!!!!! WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!"

"With cheese," I said emphatically.

jb

The Devil and the Number 4

Have you ever seen the Devil? Probably not...but did you ever wonder what she would look like? :-) Just kidding. Did you ever wonder what IT would look like?

Hmmm...probably red in color. Maybe some horns. Smoke coming off it's head. Long fangs. Holding a pitchfork maybe. Long tail with an arrowpoint at the end. Laughing constantly. Not the funny laugh - you know - the sinister Dr. Evil type of laugh. Yeah, that's it...perfect picture in your head, right? Scary. I mean, the Devil is representative of all evil...all that is BAD in the world. Calling someone the Devil is the ultimate insult. There is nothing positive about the word at all.

Well, I am here to tell you that the red, pointy-ear picture you all have of the devil is...wrong. It's not true at all. I know - BECAUSE I'VE SEEN IT FOR REAL!

For starters, the Devil is not red at all. It's green. It has no ears, no arrowhead tail, no smoke coming off it. Nope. Wanna know the most interesting part? The Devil is in the shape of the number 4. Just typing that number makes me cringe with fear and gets my adrenaline going. I am starting to sweat.....

No I am NOT in a cult. I don't wear clothespins on my nipples and I don't wear fake fangs and fantasize about biting young, inviting women for their blood....well....not for their blood...........but I digress. The number 4 represents EVIL in the purest form. Here's my case....

Child. Sick. Needy. Fever. Whining. Ear infection. Night night at 7:30 - about 30 minutes earlier than usual. No big deal..I mean, she's coming off an ear infection and she's been cuddling and spending a lot of energy sucking on her pacifier all day. She's tired. Plus, she's only one. It's not like she has spent a lot of time being sick, for crying out loud. So...she's in her crib snoring at 7:30. Elijah to bed at 8:00 as usual. Not sick at all - tired as usual....snoring by 8:15.

Dessert. Mmmmm.....found a new lowfat, low sugar ice cream by Breyers. Chocolate Caramel and it was half price at Super G! Niiiiccccccccee. Delicious. Put on my PJ's. Climb into bed at around 11pm as usual. Watch the news....drift off to sleep around midnight next to my sleeping wife.

Ahhhhhh.....REM sleep. Nothing like it. Through my 37 years of experience, I can safely say that my DEEPEST sleep - the most satisfying sleep of the night is two or so hours before I wake up. I mean - I am GONE - kaput - you could prod me with a hot poker and I ain't waking up. Before that time, I wake up easily. After that time, I pop up instantly. BUT DURING THAT HOURLONG DEEP SLEEP I am, as my Dad would say, a bump on a log.

Midnight. One. Two. Three. Three-fifteen. Three-thirty. Three-forty-five.

FOUR. Deep sleep....dreaming......waaaaaaaaayyyyyy gone. FOUR-FIFTEEN. deep breathing...floating high in the sky....Pam Anderson....naked....starts crying....starts with a whine then to a full blown wail..........wait........don't go - crying surrounding my head....what is happening..........?.............

Open my eyes. In my bed. Pitch black. Crying from Hannah's room....head starts pounding. Instant sinus headache. Deb sits up. I squint to try to see the time as Deb gets up to get Hannah. What are those numbers on the cable box....can't quite make them out through the sleep in my eyes....

FOUR SEVENTEEN.

I crawl under the covers and start to cry. My body starts to shake. Deb arrives with Hannah and she is wailing. I get up to get a bottle. The floor is ICE COLD and the clock says nothing but a BIG GREEN FOUR. THE DEVIL HAS COME. Ice cubes growing on my feet as I fill an 8 ounce bottle with warm milk. I have to pee. The pain is unbearable. I kick the gate at the kitchen entrance on my way up, breaking my big toe completely off my foot and sending the toe smashing into the front door. I can't find it in the dark. Satan's work. On my way up the stairs, I limp and nearly slip on the tears that are flowing from my sleep-encrusted eyes. I fall forward at the bedside delivering the fix to Deb who quiets the entire universe with a slight pop as the nipple enters Hannah's mouth. I pee for 2 minutes nonstop but dribble on the toilet seat because I thought I was done after 1 minute. I skate on the ice that blankets my feet back to the bed and crawl in.

FOUR TWENTY-TWO

I am laying in my bed staring at the ceiling with a headache that feels like Regis Philbin is talking with NO filter on my eardrum. Hannah is asleep...soundly...snoring like a baby. I am reading scripture frantically trying to find the prayer that begs God to let you go back to sleep. I don't find it.

Eventually, I DO get to sleep but it's like kissing your sister. A powernap. Uggh. Another one of my least favorite words....NAP. I got up at 4 and then I took a freaking NAP.

My day is shot. Head pounding all day. Fifteen Advil. Just kidding. Fourteen Advil. Dragging my feet and nine toes all day. Brutal.

It takes three or four weeks to recover from that. Therapy is an option but an expensive one. I prefer to use the NEXT evening as a make-up one. I figure a good night's sleep the next night and I can forgive the Devil for visiting me and we can be happy again.

So the next night (last night) I cuddle into bed and drift off to sleep after the news.....one...two...three...........rumble.....the Phillies are about to win the World Series....NO!!! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!!!!! Not again....eyes open...clock - WHERE ARE YOU - rub my eyes....green numbers.....I see a 10 and I see a ":" before the 10...what's that first number....it get's ice cold in the room as Deb rises to get the bottle....icicles are coming down from the ceiling....suddenly my toe stump is throbbing.....I make out that first number finally...

FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR.

Satan has returned. Where's my Advil?

jb

The Difference Between Men and Boys....

The response to my last post regarding change was overwhelming. Thank you to all who responded - I don't deserve your accolades. I merely take the time to put on paper (virtual paper, anyway) what everyone is thinking about in their own lives. Truth is, it's easier to express yourself in writing. For me, it's a combination of therapy and record keeping. It's a document of my life. Without this blog, I would remember nothing. Those who know me well are aware of my lousy memory. Thank goodness for this medium!!! Gotta love computers.

Had a stuttering moment with Elijah last week. He came home from camp and told Deb that he could "only feel one of my tensticles." Deb told him that I would take a look that night in the bath. Now, I am overly sensitive to this subject because I was born with a double hernia and had it corrected when I was just about Elijah's age. So...that night in the bath Elijah reminded me, "Daddy, I can only feel one of my tensticles." So I asked him to stand up and I would check them for him. He did and I found 'em both. I told him, "You have two! Perfect!! Everything is there Elijah - there's no need to worry."

"But they are so small, Daddy. So is my penis. Are they going to get bigger when I grow up?"

"Um....yes! Everything gets bigger when you grow up. Your hands, feet, legs, everything."

pause

"Can I feel YOURS Daddy?"

"HOW ABOUT THOSE PHILLIES, HUH? Man, I thought the season was over there for a few days and now they are playing well again....um....and how about this weather we are having - perfect for throwing your balls...I mean...throwing the ball around outside...um...wow and your sister can wash herself now and wow - how about that great dinner Mommy made today..."

One for the books.

Kids will always say things that make you laugh - especially when they are figuring out their world. Other times they get serious and really ask tough questions. That night, after the tensticle bath, I was laying in bed with Elijah. We had finished reading a few books and were just talking and he asked me about going to Disney World in California. I thought that was strange because I didn't even know he knew what California was. Then he asked me about Disney World in Florida. We went there when he was two. He said, "Remember we saw Poco there and then Poco came to my house?" Poco is my friend Kenny's dog. We saw them when we went to Disney and they visited us last month here. I said I remembered and he asked where Poco lives now and I told him Maryland. "That's where Aunt Amy lives!!" I was shocked! He knows what STATES his relatives live in? Then, for some reason, he asked me where Zeide Abe lives. Zeide Abe died earlier this year. I said, "Well, Zeide Abe used to live in Florida but he died this year."

"Where does he live now?"

"Well, he lives in heaven now," as I pointed to the sky.

Elijah looked a bit confused and asked me if Zeide Abe was shot. I said he wasn't shot, that he was just very old and had a disease and he died from that."

I think he thought that people only die when they get shot. Last week, when visiting Buba at the Geriatric Home, we saw a woman who was locked in a smile, starting at the ceiling with her finger pointing up. She was locked in that position and would not move. It was creepy but not out of place in the home. Elijah had seen this woman and had pointed out to us that she was "frozen." It freaked him out.

After asking about Zeide Abe, he said, "Daddy, remember in the Shabbat House (he calls the Geriatric Home the Shabbat House) we saw that lady who was frozen? Was she shot?"

"No," I explained. "She is just veeerrry old and sick."

"All the other people at the Shabbat House are old and they are not frozen," he said.

So I explained, as best as I could, about getting old and sometimes people get sick. He said that Buba was walking at my wedding and now she's not; was she sick? So I explained that too.

It was an incredible conversation and I am sure he was thinking about that a lot. Elijah is in a unique situation because of Buba being in the home. He sees all of these elderly people in all sorts of conditions and he's only 4 1/2 years old. Most of them are lucid and talk to him and he entertains them. Some of them are not so nice and some are dilusional and, well, frozen.

One thing's for sure...Elijah has developed a very soft spot for the elderly and I hope it stays with him forever.

jb

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. ~George Carlin

When I was growing up, I was one of those "techies" that would laugh at the expense of my parents when their VCR clock was blinking 12:00. When computers started to become mainstream in the 1990's, my parents were still getting used to the typewriter. I always embraced technology in all forms. I loved it when the cable company switched from that wired up clicker to a wireless remote control. I loved it when beta-max's went bye-bye. Everytime Intel introduced a new computer chip I would buy a new computer. I LOVED change. Therein lies the irony of this post....

The truth is that I despise change. I really do. Computers and technology and all that - yeah - I embrace it. Maybe it's just the kind of change that really affects my life directly.

Change in MY life, I have recently discovered, is not welcome. I don't know why. The most confusing thing about that fact is that there is change occurring in virtually EVERY aspect of my life now...

Elijah is a little man now. He's asking a TON of questions like, "Mommy, why are we human? How come we are not whales or elephants?" "What planet do we live on?" Stuff like that. He's more responsive to things in his own life, like cleaning up or helping out around the house. Although he's not eating much better than before, he acknowledges that, "when I'm a grown up, I will eat vegetables. I'm a kid now." Saturday night I was not feeling well. I had a bad headache and I was tired. We actually went to bed around 8:30. We were laying in bed and Elijah took my hand and looked me in the eye and said, "I'm sorry you don't feel good Daddy." That's the kind of stuff you can't hope to hear because you just don't know how that feels until it happens.

Hannah is communicating by speech now. She says words like pancake (when she's hungry), baba (for bottle when she's thirsty), patty (when she wants to play pattycake) and oopa (when she wants to be held). She's not a baby anymore. What happened?

I don't want to sound like a father who does not want his kids to grow up. All these changes are exciting and wonderful but I just don't feel 100% comfortable with them growing up yet.

I am interviewing for a major promotion here at work. There is about a 75% chance that I am going to get promoted by month's end. There is about a 30% chance that that promotion will require a move to Atlanta, GA. It's just a 30% chance but do you think I've slept normally in the last few weeks? Not a chance. Deb is completely behind the move. It would be a two year commitment and then the company would have a position for me here to move back to if I chose to. So, actually, when I do the math...75% chance of getting promoted...30% IF I get promoted of moving to Atlanta....so the chances are slim, right? Whatever. All I know is that I love my house the way it is...I love the neighborhood and some of our best friends in the world just moved BACK to this area after 3 years in Boston. My parents live 8 houses away from their grandchildren. And I may have to say, "See ya in 2 years." Change.

I think if I learn to adjust my inner "Change-O-Meter" to read, "OK with that" more than, "What are you, nuts?" that I would be able to sleep better and be able to see the big picture more clearly. I need to do that because I am going to get an ulcer if I don't. Change is too stressful to embrace and too stressful to ignore. There is a famous quote that makes me laugh and freeze up at the same time:

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."

Anyway....I am entering an important time in my life and career over the next two weeks so I better be prepared to accept whatever happens. Growth is the only evidence of life.

jb

Raindrops Keep Falling On My........house
 
It was a day like I have never seen in my 37 years of life.  Actually, I don't know one other person who had ever seen a day like this one.  In fact, I would guess that the only person in history who had ever lived through a day like this was named Noah.  Yes...that Noah.  The one with the boat.  The day was last Monday the 12th.  It began raining around 7:30am and didn't stop downpouring until after 8:00 at night.  DOWNPOURING.  Constant, loud, pelting rain for 12+ hours.  Everyone was amazed that it could rain that much.
 
I have a finished basement.  Less than a year ago, the previous owners of our house had completed the job with new carpets and paint on the paneling.  There is a drop ceiling and everything.  I mean, it is a finished basement complete with L-shaped leather couch, furniture, cable and all the kid's toys.  We also store a ton of stuff down there.  It is my favorite room in the whole house.  In fact, it's the main reason why I fell in love with the house in the first place back in October 2003.  I would finally get a basement.
 
Deb had gone down there around 6:30 to check on it with all the water outside.  We never had water down there but it was a good idea to check.  Dry as a bone.  Nice!  Nary a drop.  I arrived home around 7 and we had a nice dinner and the kids went to bed around 8 as usual.  I was watching the Baseball Homerun Derby on TV around 9:45 when I decided to go up and get ready for bed.  As I passed the basement door, I heard a strange noise.  It sounded like a toy that was left on.  I thought maybe Deb left the TV on when she went down there earlier.  I put the light on at the top of the stairs and looked down....
 
I have never, thank God, lost anyone tragically in my immediate family.  My cat died in 1999 but, well, that was my cat.  They are not supposed to live to 19 years old.  Basements are supposed to live forever.  They hold your memories and never tell a soul.  I lived in my parent's house with a finished basement until I was 24 and, let me tell you, if those basement walls could talk then I would be on Jerry Springer.
 
I walked down the stairs to my basement and the final step onto the basement floor was like stepping into the kiddie pool at the swimclub.  Water above my toes.  Covered the floor of the room.  Edge to edge.  It was getting higher as I stood there. 
 
Panic. 
 
My first thought was to get the electrical stuff out of the way.  The dehumidifier was 2 inches in water.  I was going to run to it but it was like sloshing through ab obstacle course with water in it.  I picked it up and unplugged it.  All the water was draining from it as I put it on a table.  What next?  I scanned the floor.  HOW LUCKY!  There were no books on the floor but the bottom shelf of the bookshelf was touching the waterline.  Took those books out.  Then I saw the toy in the middle of the floor that had caught my attention from the top of the stairs.  It was a Blues Clues toy that was screaming, having shorted out in the pool.  Toys can't swim.
 
15 minutes later and the water was above my ankles.  Six inches in spots.  I had moved the wooden furniture from the floor into the garage and Deb dried it.  The couch, however, could not be moved.  The rain had stopped...but I had a nightmare on my hands.
 
I was depressed.  I knew that a plummer was on the way but it took him 2 hours to get there on this busy evening.  I sat on the couch with my head in my hands and I was depressed.  I felt an actual sense of loss.  It felt as though something had died suddenly and I could not control those emotions.  My basement was in an accident and was severely injured...
 
The next day was horrible.  The plummer pumped 2,000 gallons of water out of my basement.  He left after that four hour job and I remained pulling up carpet and padding, rolling it up with duct tape and hauling it out, dripping, to the curb for the trash man.  I used so much duct tape rolling up the carpet - I realized what Tony Soprano must feel like. 
 
By nightfall my hands were blistered from the carpet and the basement floor was glistening with what was left of the dampness.  I used a borrowed wet-vac to clear any puddles and borrowed 4 fans that I rotated around the room to finish the drying process.  By 8pm I was done with everything I could do to insure there would be no mold or mildew problem down there.  I was POOPED.
 
The phone rings.  My sister is on vacation in Alaska with her husband.  It's HER home number on the caller ID.  Before I answer I know exactly what happened.  Yup.  Mom went to feed her cats.  The food and litter box are in the basement.  I got there 15 minutes later with the wet-vac.  300 gallons of water later I was loading the wet-vac back into my car and driving home.
 
Sleep.
 
I've always considered myself lucky.  Things always seem to go my way.  I believe that's karma.  I believe good things happen to good people; positive people.  Why was it that I had ALL my valuables packed in Rubbermaid containers in my basement?  Could I have known?  7 large sized Rubbermaid containers stuffed with my baseball card collection and other sports memorabilia items like 1970's programs and signed baseballs.  Floating.....but safe inside.  All the kids toys - same thing.  On tables or somehow propped up against other things.  No wet stuffed animals.  No wet books.  Lucky lucky lucky.
 
Still depressed, I turned on the news and within 15 minutes I was not depressed any longer.  Other people - in MY township - lost everything.  Pictures, momentos, important papers, collectibles, memoirs....HOUSES....gone.  If I was depressed...what were they?
 
Now it's Tuesday and it's been a week since the rain.  The couches have dried out well and I've been successful in avoiding mildew and mold.  The fans are off.  My basement looks like a half-finished storage shed filled with boxes, Rubbermaids, and some furniture.  There is carpet tack all around the perimeter of the room and I go down there several times a day to check on it.  I dunno...I guess I have accepted that it's not finished anymore but there is still a sadness down there. 
 
We plan on putting carpet down there again soon after taking a few small measures to insure that we are safer from water than we were before. 
 
Tuesday afternoon while I was cleaning the basement, Elijah came home from camp and ran downstairs.  I was practically in tears when I saw him and he practically ignored the fact that it was wet and the carpet was gone.  He just ran over and gave me a hug and asked me to play with him.  He grabbed the waterlogged Blues Clues toy and handed it to me.  I gave him a hug and told him he was a gift from God.
 
jb
 
 
 

There Ain't No Cure for the Summertime Blues...(unless you have kids)

June was horrible. What a crappy month. Ever notice that when you need something so bad, it becomes harder to capture? Why is that? I think it's God's way of saying "nothing comes easy - EVER." Whatever. It's one of those things. So much of my business at work is church related (I know - Jewish guy financing church organs) and churches take the summers off from purchasing items. They get busy with daycamp and things and my business goes in the pooper. Happens every year. July is usually a good bounceback month so I am expecting big things this month.

When things are bad at work and you come home depressed it's good to have kids. Kids could care less about work. All they know is that Daddy is coming home and they are happy. Hannah's first word was "Elijah" but the only word she uses these days is "daddy." She says it in the most beautiful, sweet voice I have ever heard. "Daddy daddy daddy daddy." When I walk in the house from the garage after work she is in the kitchen eating dinner and she hears me and her hands start flapping and she starts giggling. Then she hears me and it's "DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY." "Hannah, how was your day today?" "DADDY DADDY DADDY." "Did you play with the other children?" "DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY." "Did you eat a good lunch?" "DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY." "You know, I had a REALLY bad day at work and I wasn't happy today." "DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY!" and everything is good again.....

The other day at my mom's for dinner, we are all sitting around the table eating my Aunt's famous meatloaf. Elijah does not touch the stuff - sticking to his usual chicken nuggets. Deb offers him meatloaf and he says, "No thanks. Meatloaf sucks." That's my boy.

One thing about Deb taking the kids everyday now is that I don't get to ride with them in the morning anymore. It's better for me for work because I get there earlier and leave later but I miss my Breakfast With the Beatles at 7am with Elijah. Now he's watching Rescue Heroes at 7am with Mommy and I am by myself singing "Maxwells Silver Hammer."

Elijah started camp this week though and he LOVES IT. Bus 37 is the chant as he gets on and he sits next to Molly every day. So far in THREE days, he's done karate, nature, music, hockey, science, swimming lessons (twice per day), arts and crafts, soccer, Little Gym and, of course, LUNCH. We knew lunch would be a problem because it takes him 2 hours to eat it. He's been eating peanut butter on white bread because he does not like camp's jelly. He didn't eat pizza bagels yesterday because they are not like HIS pizza bagels. So...he had peanut butter on white bread. "THREE bites daddy. Then I was done." I think he's anorexic.

This is Deb's favorite time of the year - JULY 4th. We are going to the fireworks Phillies game tonight with my sister. Elijah won't go to fireworks because the "noise bodders me." "You can cover your ears and not hear it, Elijah." "NO - I don't like fireworks - they're scary." So we are taking sister.

OH YEAH - those pictures I promised....don't have 'em yet. I keep forgetting to post them from home!!! I'll try to remember this weekend. ANYWAY - back to work to make it a better month. Until next time I remain...

dad

Growing Up and Pubic Hair

Two things that go together like soup and sandwich.

Elijah is growing up and the realization of two things this week bring that to reality for me. First, he is starting camp in 10 days and will be taking a yellow bus every day to Medford. Secondly, is will be attending pre-kindergarten in the fall at the JCC. He's going to be learning how to read and simple addition and...well...it's SCHOOL! Crazy!

This morning Elijah took a shower with me and was staring at my, ahem, my "stuff" and asked, "Daddy, why do you have HAIR down THERE? I don't have any hair THERE, Daddy." So I responded what every dad would respond to that question. "It's the 100 Aker Wood down there, Sweetie, and Winnie the Pooh and Tigger live there."

After a 10 second panic attack, he realized I am kidding. "DADDYYYYYYYY - Winnie the Pooh does not live on your PENIS!"

So, of course, right on queue, I start singing, "OHHHHH theeeeee wonderful thing about Tiggers...is Tiggers are wonderful things...."

It's fun to be a Dad.

The other day, Elijah told me he wanted to be a teenager. I asked him why and he said, "so I can reach the light switch."

Why is it raining so damn much? Every day this week - DOWNPOURS. Not a drizzle, not a little sunshower. NOOOO...95 degrees and POURING. Makes me so happy. Now I have to leave here and go to the hospital because my Buba is in there. She went in yesterday with low blood pressure. Another day in the life of a 98 year old. She's stable but I am going over to give her a kiss and let her tell me how wonderful I am. You need that now and again. She'll be going back to her community center tomorrow, good as new. She's amazing. I was watching Nancy Reagan last week during the Reagan funeral, noticing how she's aged and I was thinking that my Buba could be NANCY REAGAN'S MOTHER. That's how old Buba is. Insane.

In Hannah news...she's got a temper now. Rub her the wrong way and she GOES OFF. NO - I am serious....rub her the wrong way and she'll sock you in the face and growl until you back off. She's MUFASA the toddler. No...before you all attack me....she's not bad. She's gonna be the kind of girl you just don't mess with. Gotta have it HER way. Like her mama. That's OK with me cause its better than being a softie like me.

I am off most of the week next week from work and need the break but it's the WORST month I've ever had as far as business goes so if you have any business....SEND IT TO ME!!! ;-)

Pictures next. Good ones.

JB

ELIJAH IS FAMOUS!!!

He's in the paper for the first time!

I Can't!

I remember when I was growing up and my father used to tell me not to say certain words because they were not really words. Like AINT. Aint isn't a word. Well, it wasn't at the time. It is now - it's in the dictionary! Anyway - dad used to correct my vacabulary all the time. I find myself doing the same thing with Elijah. His favorite word these days is 'can't'. He says, "I can't do it" all the time. So Deb and I tell him that 'can't' is not a word and he has to stop using it.

This has been going on for a couple of weeks now. In the morning when we are getting dressed, he says he can't get dressed by himself, that he can't do it. We tell him yes he can and we keep on him until he does it. Of course, he can do it. He just dosen't feel like it.

So that brings us to this morning. I was in the shower and Elijah was going through his morning routine, saying he can't get dressed by himself and whining that he needs help. He's got this shirt on that Uncle Richard gave him that has The Incredibles on it (a movie coming out later this year). Elijah wore the shirt to sleep on Sunday, all day Monday and then to sleep on Monday night. IT'S DIRTY. He won't take it off. He wants to keep wearing it. So Deb says, "Elijah, you can't wear it again." What does he say back? You guessed it! "Mom, don't say can't. It's not a word."

Try explaining THAT to a 4 year old.

What a day we had on Sunday. FANTASTIC DAY!! It was Hannah and Ariana's first birthday party at our house and we had 50 people and it was hot and humid and wonderful. We rented a moonbounce for the backyard and the kids were hopping around in there. I was melting at the BBQ and the food was delicious. Everyone said it was a great party and we all had a blast. It was great tossing the Nerf around the yard and playing Monkey in the Middle with the kids. Reminds me of 1975 when our parents did the same thing with us. Everyone was too generous with their gifts, of course, and Hannah already has a backlog of toys to open up. Some we will save for a month or two until she is bored of her other ones. Uggh. Lemme tell you, with all these toys in our house, someday we are going to make a mint at a garage sale!

I will post pictures of the BBQ here in the next few days. Otherwise, that's about it!! The summer is coming and Hannah will be walking soon!!

JB

A New Look and the Everchanging World

It's becoming more difficult to take the time to post here because of my ever busy life but it's so important now with Elijah and Hannah progressing so much every day. My memory lasts about 15 minutes so I really have to document everything, which is the real reason why I started this Blog in the first place.

The new look of the site may be temporary - let me know what you think. I am also adding a new comments button at the bottom so you can give me feedback on everything. I removed the Links section at the left because nobody was every clicking on them. The Jawdy Goodies Site with all the pics is still up but not accessible at this time. I will post pics here in Jawdy's Basement going forward.

It's hot as crap outside.

Hannah is mobile like the Energizer Bunny. She is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Stairs too. Yep..she's climbing them. That changes everything. Gates. Everywhere. She's going to be ONE on Friday. I just cannot believe that it's been a year already. She's showing us one finger when we ask how old she's gonna be. She's also eating food that we eat. Baby food is going to be history soon. Last night she enjoyed chicken with asparagus and some watermelon and strawberries for dessert. Me? I ate cereal. SHE ATE MY DINNER.

Elijah is going to bed now with no pullups. It's a challenge as he learns. I am waking him up around 11 every night and taking him to the potty. After that, he's on his own. Last night he didn't quite make it BUT he woke up immediately after he wet the bed and called for us. He's getting CLOSE and we have to be patient. I have a feeling Hannah will be easier with this because girls usually are.

This weekend we are going to Dice and Scottie's open house on Saturday and have a date at night. Just the two of us!! We are going to go to PF Changs restaurant and catch a movie. It's rate that we get a date so it's exciting!!

Anyway - gotta go take Eli to the potty!! More later...

JB

Pics!

OK! As promised - two new pics of the kids!! All together now...awwwwwwwww!!!

Eli and Hannah April 2004

Hannah April 2004

Don't Blink......part 2

I cannot believe it's been over 5 weeks since my last post. I suck! I have been so involved with so many things and it's been hard to pick just one thing to write about! So...I decided to give this update on what's happening and PROMISE to post pictures here in the next few days.

Our kitchen is DONE. Looks great! We hosted a surprise birthday party for Aunt Helene on the day after the kitchen was done and it won rave reviews! So did Aunt Helene for that matter! The whole family was over and Aunt Helene was moved by everyone and we all had a fantastic time.

Aunt Toby has been LOVING her stay here. We celebrated her birthday last weekend at Buca de Beppo and she gave a speech and said it was the best moment of her life. I believe her. It's been wonderful having her here and I wish she did not ever have to leave. The kids LOVE her so much. Sadly, she is leaving next Wednesday and I get to drive her to the airport. It will be a sad day....

Elijah is growing up so fast it's mind boggling. He just learned to write the letter 'A' last week! Deb has been working with him at night in learning how to draw and he loves it. He asks her how to draw things and then tries to do it. It's adorable. His language skills most amaze us. Not necessarily the vocabulary, but the conjugation of verbs and his use of connecting words like 'actually.'

"Elijah, do you want pizza bagels for dinner?"

"Yes. No!! Actually, I want chicken nuggets."

I find it amazing how a young kid learns to conjugate verbs without studying the subject. Sentences like, "I already did that," or "I went there three times today," are tough sentences! He is learning at an incredible pace. The whole Beatles thing that I spoke about in a previous post, is unreal. He hears a single note and yells out the song title. He knows the words, he even knows who the lead singer Beatle is on some songs. "Daddy, George sings this one!" Right now, his favorite songs are "Happy Birthday (the Beatles version)", "Bungalow Bill", "Here Comes the Sun", and "Blackbird." He brushes his teeth all by himself every night and takes more showers than baths. He loves the shower. He is very protective of Hannah and even more PROUD of her. See this exchange he had with a 7 year old kid at the park last week...

"Hi - what's your name? Hi Adam, I am here at the park with my little sister. Do you wanna meet her? Come on! Let's go - follow me - she's over there on the swing with Mommy. COME ON!!"

The kid and his grandmother followed and ended up talking to Deb for a bit. Elijah introduced Hannah to them and said how cute she was. It was adorable.

Hannah news? She's crawling! All over the place. Her first word is probably going to be 'Elijah' which is amazing but she's almost saying it! Her first birthday is coming up on May 14th and I just cannot believe it's been a year since the Duece Dauily was last published.

What else? In the proud brother department, my lil sisssssster will be graduating with a sign language degree next month and we are going to celebrate that! No more school!! NOW HAVE BABIES! he he.

So that's it in a nutshell. So many moments go undocumented because they are here and gone...I wish I could carry my computer with me everywhere and document everything....in any case....life is good now and, even though we are housepoor because of the darn kitchen!!

Pictures are coming!!!

Don't Blink

Spring is coming...there's flowers blooming...the grass is starting to come up...and my children are older. Really. Elijah especially. He's learning 140 things a day. The part that really gets me is the vocabulary. He'll pull words out that even I have not used in years. We had a funny situation the other night. We were finishing dinner and he was very tired. He was being fresh to us and, when asked to stay at the table until dinner was over, he hit Deb on the arm. "I'M NOT STAYING AT THE TABLE!" So Deb carries him to the stairs for a 5 minute time-out and he's kicking and screaming the whole time. After the time-out was done, he finished his dinner and acted like nothing happened. We got his PJ's on and I settled in bed with him as I do every night. I usually stay with him for about 15 minutes, playing with his toys or reading books and then I leave and he goes to sleep. Well as soon as we got in his bed, he stops what he's doing and says he has to ask me a question...

"Daddy - I have to do something."

"Do you have to go potty?"

"No - I want to apologize to Mommy."

APOLOGIZE?? My son knows the word apologize?? It must have been bothering him since dinner and even though he never said anything, he was obviously thinking about it and feeling bad. So he gets out of bed and walks into our room where Deb was laying with Hannah on our bed.

"Mommy - I apologize because I hit you."

Deb was choked up because it was such a sweet sounding apology. She was shocked that he used that word too and asked him...

"That's a new word Elijah!"

"I'm learning, Mommy!"

Incredible. He IS learning. We are at the stage where everything he sees or hears, he remembers. Deb once called me a moron and now whenever she yells about anything to anybody, Elijah asks if the person is a moron. "Mommy - is she a MORON?"

Our kitchen is getting pummelled tomorrow morning. 3 weeks til a new kitchen! I will post the before and after pictures here on the site.

Aunt Toby is here!! For the first time in 3 years, she is here with us. It's awesome and I will write about her visit here soon. She just got here on Wednesday and Aunt Rockie came with her too. It's going to be a good month with family!!

Have a great weekend everyone! My weekend starts in 30 minutes.....

dad

White Shoes

My grandpa Irving passed away in 1992. He was 92 years old and lived in Florida. He had been living down there for quite a few years so I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with him in his later years. Growing up in Central Jersey, he lived in Brooklyn so I have great memories of spending time in the apartment on holidays, etc. He was my last grandpa so it was sad when he died and I think about him often. One of the memories that always comes to mind is the white shoes. Grandpa Irving always wore those patent leather white shoes. He wore them in the morning, noon and night. Typical grandpa in Florida. White shoes, polyester patterned pants and belt with the buckle pulled to the side. Beautiful.

I bring this up because we lost another pair of white shoes last week. Deb's grandfather, Zeide Abe, passed away after several weeks in the hospital at the age of 80. Too early. He was a good man whom I got to know over the last 8 years. His life had not been the same since his wife, Bobe Ana, passed away in April, 2001. He's probably happier now. I was grateful to have had a grandfather again, even if it was just for a few years. Deb spent the week in Florida with Hannah. I went down for 24 hours to pay my respects. I came back and Elijah and I spent a few days alone together.

When I told Elijah that Mommy went to Florida to see Zeide Abe because he was sick, Elijah asked, "Is he going to get dead?" I said I didn't know. The next morning, he passed away. I wonder if Elijah understands. When Deb got back on Saturday from Florida, Elijah said he wished he could have gone too.

I never knew my great-grandfather. I think it's neat that Elijah got to know one of his. Zeide Abe always said that Elijah was going to be President of the United States. "El Presidente" he called him.

All of this makes me think of my Grandmother. Buba Pearl is 98 years old. She is lucid, she is in good health and she lives in the a Jewish home here in Cherry Hill. Imagine if Zeide Abe had lived to 98! Elijah would be 22 years old!! Hannah would be 19!

I will always remember Zeide Abe. I am honored to have known him. I know Bobe Ana is up there ironing his underwear again! (she really did that!)

Looking Through a Glass Onion

This is the worst winter weather I have ever experienced! Every day brings more threats of ice and snow and temperatures in the teens and twenties. It's horrible! Right now, it's raining slush and it's totally gross out. Three weeks until I hear the best three words in the English language: "pitchers and catchers." Spring Training begins this month and that means BASEBALL season is just around the corner. Next to Hanukkah, Opening Day is my favorite day of the year. It means spring and hot dogs and BASEBALL. Ahhhh.... BUT that is still weeks away. For now, I need to find other little pleasures to keep me happy.

One of those pleasures is my new toy. I got an iPod. This little device fits in my shirt pocket and it's hard drive will hold ALL 900 of my CD's. I still can't grasp that fact. It's got a 40gb hard drive and I am "ripping" all of my CD's to Mp3 so I can import them to the iPod. I already have around 1,500 songs on it and it's like a wet dream. I go into the car and hit Shuffle and get the ULTIMATE mix! I am one of those guys that spent half their childhood making mixed tapes. How can you top this? No more choosing which songs make it and which don't! THEY ALL DO! Needless to say, Deb is none too happy with my new joy because she is...well...she's jealous of the thing. I told her that the iPod has a volume control and she......ah never mind. JUST KIDDING HUDDY!!

Anyways, I had a misty moment on Tuesday morning. I was driving Elijah and Hannah to Melissa's house for daycare and put the radio on. Elijah likes to listen to his music but he had a liking for Hello, Goodbye by the Beatles. So I taught him Yellow Submarine, She Loves You and All You Need is Love. Being a huge Beatles fan myself, it was fun teaching him those songs because that's how I began my love of music. I heard the Beatles and it was it for me. Now I knew that one of the local radio stations had a morning show called Breakfast With the Beatles. I was scanning the radio stations looking for the show. I stopped on 102.9 WMGK and they were playing "Glass Onion", a track of the classic Beatles White album. Well, before I could even speak, Elijah YELLS out from the back seat, "YOU FOUND IT DADDY! It's Breakfast With the Beatles!!!!" WHAT? He does NOT know Glass Onion! Glass Onion??? I was flabbergasted. Did he recognize the singing?? the SOUND??? How did he know this was the Beatles? I remembered the first time I heard the Beatles and then it hit me. Elijah is going to have the same respect and love for music that I do. I got a little mushy! Now we listen to Breakfast With the Beatles every morning on our way to Melissa's. This morning he heard "All You Need is Love" for the first time! I've been singing it to him for weeks. Very cool.

Our kitchen is getting redone. We put our order in for the cabinets and things are underway. The entire kitchen is getting remodeled. We have to move the dishwasher and sink too. It's everything. We are going to pick out the granite countertop tomorrow at the granite yard. They say the entire kitchen will be done by April 3rd. We will be kitchen-less for 6-7 weeks! Can you say TAKEOUT?

Hannah is clapping her hands now. We sing the "Clap Your Hands Hannah" song and she goes to work! It's adorable and she loves it. She also blows kisses. She is so freaking cute that I can't stop squeezing her. She's like a zit that almost pops every time I hug her. (collective "EW! that's no way to talk about your daughter!") Whatever. She's awesome.

So what's up with you?

Sun, Fun and the Persuit of a FREAKING AIRPLANE!

I am in recovery. It's been 3 days since we returned from our vacation in Mexico and I am just not quite 'there' yet. Now, we had this thing setup perfectly....fly out of Cancun at 1pm Sunday and land in Philly around 6pm local time. We should clear customs and walk in the house by around 8pm Sunday, leaving some time to unwind, put the kids to bed and get ready for the return to work in the coming week. Sounds like a plan?

Did you know that the Cancun airport is like a big warehouse with a few doors on it? Much like airports here in the states, it is under construction. There are 7 snack bar /restaurants, 3 news shops, 5 duty free shops, 11 bathrooms (with 25 total stalls), 16 of the lightbulbs are OUT in the ceiling and 196 tiles missing from one of the concourse walkways. I know this because I counted. I had THAT MUCH TIME.

We got to the glorious Cancun airport on time for our 1pm flight. By 11:30am we were running around waiting for the announcement to board our plane to Philly. It was the four of us along with Deb's sister Melissa's family (husband Brian and 3 kids), and Deb's parents. 6 adults and 5 kids.

1:00pm - the announcement. There will be a slight delay due to a mechanical problem with the plane (coming in from Orlando). OK, no big deal - there are delays all the time. More running around.

2:00pm - scratching our heads...another announcement...our plane has not yet left Orlando. It would be at least 3 hours until we board our flight home. THREE HOURS! OK...break out the carry-ons and take the toys out for the kids.

Hmmm...now our gate is being used for OTHER flights...it's approaching 4pm...UPDATE PLEASE!!!

OK - people we are going to give you $15 for food in the airport restaurant. That's great considering we were walking back to our seats having just ate at BURGER KING.

More toys. A little complaining from the kiddies. Manageable but annoying as hell.

6:00pm...Announcement...the flight will be ARRIVING in Mexico by NINE and we should be taking off for Philly by 10pm.

Gulp. Panic. The 6 adults and 5 kids I mentioned earlier? Nope. Now it's 11 kids. Crying and complaining and yelling at eachother. We were a sitcom. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to walk out from the missing tiles and announce that we had been Punk'd.

THANK GOODNESS - a nice little girl from our flight pulls out a portable DVD player. Ahhhh....BLISS. That took up a few hours. I wanted to hug her mother but she was butt ugly.

10:00pm...announcement..."The plane is here!"...applause...I saw Herve Velechez saying to Ricardo Montalban, "De PLANE...De PLANE!!!" I didn't care at that point, I just wanted to get the hell off of Fantasy Island.

So right as we are about to board..."Daddy - I have to go POTTY." No you don't. Hold it in for 4 hours.

We touched down in Philly around 2:30am. Our limo drove through a snowstorm and we walked in to our house just after 4am.

I decided that from that day forward I would wish a different fate on ALL my enemies. No longer would I wish their testicles be boiled. No longer would I dream that their nipples be connected to an Amtrak train travelling at 100 MPH. Nope. No more. From now on, I wish on my worst enemies that they travel through customs with 4 kids under the age of 5 at 3:00 in the morning in a snowstorm in -142 degree weather with no jacket. Now THAT is SUFFERING!

It's taken until now to recover. The kids are still a little behind but we will be OK. We survived.

Mexico was FANTASTIC, however. The weather was wonderful, the Carribean was perfect and the shopping was great. Amy's wedding was romantic and beautiful and I got some great pics and video. It was a great vacation until that last day.

I will post some pics up at the Goodies Site in the next few days.

Congrats to Aaron and Robin Greenberg who had their second baby yesterday!

Until next time...

WE LOVE ROCK N ROLL!!!

Elijah is really getting into music now. I am LOVING IT. He likes all the kids music like the Wiggles and the theme songs from the Disney movies and shows. However, he has also taken a liking to popular music and I am taking pride in fueling that interest every day in the car.

At first, he took an unusual liking to the classic Queen song, Bohemian Rhapsody. He kept asking for it and learned ALL the words...Including the entire "scaramoush" part! It's VERY funny watching him sing it and I got it on video tape so I can have it forever. Anyway - we continued to listen and learn Queen songs and now he knows Radio Ga Ga, Bicycle Race, We Will Rock You and a few others. I quickly noticed that he has a musical ear like me....I love that. Music comes on the radio and he concentrates on it. A great example of this was yesterday. We were in the car and I put on 102.9 WMGK because they have Breakfast With the Beatles on every weekday morning. The song Hello, Goodbye came on and Elijah asked me to turn off the radio and turn on HIS music. I asked to wait a minute and listen to the song and he was quiet the rest of the time just listening. This morning in the car, he asked to hear "the Hello Goodbye song." DIRECT HIT!! He he. So...we listened to Breakfast With the Beatles again and started learning other songs like Two of Us and When I'm 64. I told Elijah that the Beatles were rock and roll and he gave me the Billy Idol sneer and shouted, "YEAH - and we like ROCK N ROLL!" He he. I taught him that face.

We are leaving for MEXICO on Sunday morning! A week in the sun culminates the following weekend with the wedding of Amy and Brett (Amy is Deb's sister for those not in the know). They are getting married on the beach and the best part is I am in the wedding and don't need to buy shoes!! I am going barefoot! This is SO Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee!! Maybe we will have to fight off the paparazzi too! Anyway - hopefully the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee comparison ENDS with the ceremony and the happy couple does NOT take a video camera around with them afterwards. Ahem....

The house is coming along fine. Still a lot of clutter but its getting better every day. We are having the kitchen remodeled and are interviewing several companies for the job. We hope to have a new kitchen by March!!

That's the update for now. Some peeps are getting mad because I am not posting house pics. I don't understand it, but I am just not motivated to take pics of the house...strange but true. Maybe the urge will hit me soon. I am DEFINITELY taking before and after shots of the kitchen though.

Hope all is well with you!!! More after Mexico!!! Cheers!

2004

Happy New Year everyone!! 2004 has begun. I cannot belive it. Where did 2003 go? Where did 2002 and 2001 go, for that matter? Time continues to fly by and that only means we are having fun. As the final ticks of 2003 were happening, Deb said to me, "new house, new daughter, new job for me, new promotion at your job - pretty good year!" Damn. That IS a pretty good year..but then again - we've had a bunch of those in a row. We are on a roll.

I have not written in a few weeks...here's the update...

We moved as scheduled on the 15th and it was smooth sailing. Unpacking has continued since then and as of now, we are 90% moved in! Only the upstairs office remains packed. That is the project for this weekend. It's awesome!!

The big New Year's Bash was a huge success and they keep getting bigger and bigger!! We had well over 50 people in the house this time and there were a dozen kids running around and most of them made it to midnight! We had a great time with the Newleywed Game again and nearly broke up more marriages. I'm telling you - that game is BRUTAL - especially to those who can't laugh about certain things....

Anyway - on the 1st we had some old friends over and it was one of the best days I have had in years. Sandy was my best friend in high school and lives in Kentucky now with Judy and their three beautiful kids. They were visiting for the week and were at my house along with Gary and Nina and the girls and the Weinbergs came in later on. It was a phenominal day playing football in the new backyard and talking about old times....too deep and too much to talk about here but suffice to say - it was an amazing day. I have great friends.

Elijah's birthday party is FINALLY happening Sunday at the Aquarium. It got snowed out in December so we moved it. I still cannot believe he is 4 years old. He is so funny sometimes with things he says - STILL makes me laugh 3-4 times a day. Sometimes he falls down or trips on something and he jumps back up and says, "I'm OK Dad. It's OK. I'm fine." I love him. Hannah is wonderful too. She started sitting on her own without support last week and she LOVES it. She's moving a lot and is close to crawling already. Don't know if we are ready for that yet but its coming!

I really need to write more often. I've been reading the Deuce Daily's from a year ago and am amazed by how much information is forever archived because of that "diary". I don't want to forget things (which I often do) and this forum is perfect for my memoirs. So anyway - just thought I would say that in hopes I will stick to it.

So what's new with you?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREATEST BOY IN THE WORLD!

Elijah turns FOUR today!! WE LOVE YOU!!

We are moving on Monday.

Yesterday, my sister asked me how packing was going. I told her, "Did you ever get a colonoscopy performed using a spiked, molten hot metal poker with no sedation?"

Get the picture?

Give me root canal on 15 teeth. Give me a pierced scrotum with a 10 pound dumbell. Pour rubbing alcohol in my eyes and clamp my nipples to dental floss and hang me from the church steeple. JUST DON'T MAKE ME PACK!

That felt good.

Now back to work.

Packing a Few Boxes or Getting Violated by a Hot Metal-Spiked Poker

I am not liking this. I am NOT liking this at all. I am packing. Boxes. Hundreds of freaking boxes. We are moving on the 15th and, all of a sudden, my "too small" house is now the size of Neverland. There are boxes everywhere and some of them are full, some are empty and some are halfway...uggh. WHAT TO DO NEXT?

We hired movers. That's cool but I should have hired a packer. Ew. That did NOT sound good. It's just that you find so much stuff you never knew you had. It's like cleaning out the fridge and finding 6 month old string beans that just magically appeared in there. You know? Imagine finding those string beans, throwing them out and then finding them AGAIN in there 2 weeks later. You get the idea.

So Elijah's birthday party is this Saturday at the Aquarium. It's a small affair this year. These parties can get expensive! I mean, it's not like we are moving into a house and seeing our mortgage payment go up $800 per month or anything. Uggh. Another string bean moment. It's also not like we can say to Elijah, "This year, sweetie, we are going to pass on a birthday party for you so we can move into our new HOUSE." Yeah. OK. That will go over like a fart in church. Sooooo...we gotsta get the party started in this beeotch.

Have you seen the new show on TLC called 'Clean Sweep'? That's our life right now. Trying to decide what goes in the keep pile versus the trash pile. Hey, if it was up to me, everything would go in the trash pile. BUT - nooooooooo....Deb has to KEEP the candlesticks from 1984 because there is a piece of melted wax in one of them that carries a resemblance of her old best friends face. Pack rats: can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em.

Are you invited to our annual New Years Bash?? Did you get the evite? If you did not, it was because I was ignoring you and do NOT want you here.

Just kidding.

If you did not receive the evite, please harrass me and call me names. I will send you one right away.

So what's new with YOU?

You Can Take the Country Club out of the Man, but you Can't Take the Man Out of the Country Club

The Borenstein Family is MOVING!! I am so freakin happy!! We sold our house on Lark Lane and are moving to our new digs.....1/2 a mile away. That's right - we are going to set up shop at 413 Country Club Drive....just a dozen houses or so from the house I grew up in. It's EXCITING!! Actually, it's not even 100% official yet because we are in attorney review. It's official on Friday though and we will be celebrating!! December 15th is the date! The house is a dream for us and we plan on staying there for a very looong time!!

More details to follow...just wanted to share the good news!!!

J

Time Machine

Sometimes you just have to drop everything and be a kid again. When you have kids of your own and you are under constant time schedules for months on end....once in awhile, you just have to say...well...you know.

This past weekend, five of my best friends from high school convened on Atlantic City for a weekend of gambling, eating, gambling, eating and eating. They stayed at the Taj Mahal for 2 nights, comped of course, and dropped a few bucks at just about every casino on the boardwalk and even hit the marina for a few hours. I joined them on Saturday afternoon and stayed with them until 1am that night. Folks, if you ever have the opportunity to "go back" even if its just for 8 hours, DO IT.

Allen Frankel is taller than before, either that or I am fatter, or both. He and I spent an hour waiting for Duran Duran to emerge from the Borgata elevator so they could play blackjack at three roped off tables on the casino floor. They didn't show and we had to leave before we caught a glimpse of them. Deb was mad because I didn't get a picture of John Taylor. I told her she had enough pictures of him in boxes with scotch tape that used to secure them to her bedroom walls. Big Al is still a goofball and it was great to see him.

Mike Weinberg was...Mike Weinberg. After complaining that I didn't give him any props in my post to the Cherry Hill East Class of '85 message board...ugh...we got into our usual conversation about Night Ranger and he tried to convince me that Journey and Def Leppard define music history. Then I watched as hundreds of dollars left and entered his wallet time and time and time again. I love watching Mike gamble. It's like watching the Kentucky Derby - fast and furious for 2 minutes and then its over.

Brad Scher taught me how to play Paigow poker and I won $70. Thanks Beej. Brad is still one of a kind. His mood is ALWAYS the same - no mood swings like the rest of us humans. Level headed and relaxed as can be. I miss him - too bad we don't get together often. Still wondering if he ever hooked up with Lisa Washington...hmmmm..

Scott Turer was packing heat as always. Scottie has not changed a bit. Flashy yet sophisticated. The guy has more money than dirt and lets you know it but he is still as grounded as ever. One of the best guys in the world - my mother thinks he should be knighted. He lives so damn far away - Pittsburgh - and we don't get to hang out enough.

Gary Vincoff is still the best friend a guy could have. You wanna know what "real" is? Talk to Gary. NO BS, no cutting the corners, no beating around the bush. I like spending time with Gary because he can see things the way I see them. He's not superficial like so many Cherry Hill products. I am glad he's not moving to New Hampshire. Watching Gary get beat while gambling is a treat though and I am looking forward to watching him lose again soon. Gary makes losing fun.....for everyone around him. It's a sight to behold.

So that's that...we ate at the White House (awesome) and ate at the Hard Rock and ate some ice cream too. We gambled in between and shot the shit the whole time. It was a great trip in the time machine....

So it's back to 2003....strange, isn't it?

Rolling Over

OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD!!!! You are NEVER going to believe this!!! Are you sitting down?? OK...OK...OK...OK...are you ready for this INCREDIBLE NEWS? Brace yourself... take a deep breath!!!! OK OK OK...here we go...HANNAH ALMOST ROLLED OVER!

what? You were waiting for something more relevant? How can there be something more relevant than that??? She came soooo close!!! She's almost there!! I swear!! Soon, she will be rolling ALL OVER THE PLACE!! I am so proud.

Uggh. What is the big deal??? I mean really. ROLLING OVER?? WHO THE HECK CARES? I am stuggling to understand why mothers call up their entire address book to report to everyone that their child ROLLED OVER!! Baffles me. Now now...before you all attack my insensitivity....I am all about documenting and broadcasting events in my children's lives. Things like WALKING and TALKING are newsworthy.

"Hey MOM, guess what??? You are not going to believe this...HANNAH POOPED SOLID today! FIRST TIME!!! How adorable!!! I just wanted to squeeze her I was so proud! Not only that - get this - she also didn't spit up ONCE all day!!! Awwwwww..."

So while Hannah is busy rolling over, Elijah is learning to use reason in his daily conversations. For instance, we will say, "black and white animal" and he will say "zebra." We will say "orange dinner" and he will say "Mac and cheese." We will say, "underwear" and he will say, "no pee pee!!"

So, if you have not gotten the message yet...Hannah is almost rolling over. Be sure to tell your aunts, uncles and your bosses wife. If you forget, it will be on the evening news tonight at 11.

Love you all!!!

dad

Old Friends

Those who know me are well aware of my love affair with music. As a young person I was hooked by the melodies of the Beatles and became addicted to pop music. In high school, it was hard rock and heavy metal. Over the past ten years or so, I've become a big fan of the progressive rock/metal genre and concentrate more on lyrics than on melody. One of my most recent purchases is the new double-CD by Neal Morse. It's called Testimony. I've been a big fan of Morse for several years as the lead singer/songwriter of one of my favorite bands, Spock's Beard. Last year, he left the band for religious reasons. He had become a Christian and felt he had to leave and work on his relationship with God. Anyway, I was upset at the time but I've gotten over it. In any case, Morse just released this auto-biographical CD that is heavy on the religious side but so stunningly beautiful that I became hooked instantly. The reason why I'm telling you about this is coming...hang with me! There is a side project of mine that will be reviewing CD's online. It's called Pick Your Noise and it will be up and running soon. I did this because people are always asking me about my musical taste because most of the stuff I am into is foreign to them. So look for the site soon. ANYWAY...back to the story...

The first track on the Testimony CD is "The Land of Beginning Again." The lyrics talk about going back in time...

"I wish there was a way to start again. Just blink and count to ten. In the land of beginning again. Where no one knows the bad things that you've done. The past is truly gone. In the land of beginning again."

I've been listening to this a lot lately and thinking a lot about it. Then, yesterday, I get an e-mail from my old friend Lou. I have not been in contact with Louie in 6 years. We were tight in college at West Chester University. After graduation in 1990, we kinda went our separate ways. He's in Willow Grove still and works as a high school science teacher. Anyway, it was so good to hear from him and the effect was greater because of all this "stuff" in my mind from listening to Morse's CD. Sound strange? It's amazing what effect music can have in my life. Anyway, I am looking forward to getting together with Lou soon and talking about old times - going back to the land of beginning again.

Where have you BEEN?

I've been scolded. I am sorry!! It's been way too long. 20 days? My goodness...where has the time gone? Well...a lot's gone on so I'll take you through what's been happening in our lives these past few weeks...

Deb left her job at Keebler/Kellogs. The 40 mile commute each way was becoming a burden and the job was not all that challenging to Deb anymore. She wanted more time with the kids and a job that gave her more personal joy. She got it. She's accepted a position as Database Manager for the Jewish Federation of South Jersey. She started last week and she loves it! She's a mile from home and has 2 more hours each day to be with the kids and just RELAX! She is planning to continue her education in the spring as well. I like it because I have a happy wife! Of course...there is the 60% paycut she took to make the move...hey...sometimes you have to do things for reasons OTHER than money. You gotta be happy where it counts - and that does NOT always mean your wallet. I am proud of her. Send her an e-mail!



I got promoted. I took the position of Assistant Branch Manager with my company. The promotion is effective October 1 and essentialy means my life as I've known it is gone. My basic job description is sales management related and I still have to maintain a considerable book of business. All of this means long hours and an adjustable lifestyle. This is another reason why I am glad Deb took this new job. It allows me to stay late in the office 5 days a week if I need to and give me total flexibility to do whatever I need to do to at work. My company is going public next month so it's chaos around there!! Check us out on NASDAQ (MRLN) after October's IPO!! It's exciting!! I was employee #35 here in 1998 and now we are going public 5 years later with 300 employees. Very cool! Anyway, it's all good. My new job duties will be tough and are the reason why I have not written here recently. I'll post the announcement here around October 1.

Some other cool stuff going on.....

My sister and her hubby bought a house in Haddon Heights and they are moving in October. I guess that means a neice or nephew is not far away!

Elijah is liking his new school but Deb has a steep discount at the JCC now with her new position and it's tempting to put Elijah back at the JCC. We are thinking about doing that. Either way, he is going to be attending the JCC Camps at Medford next summer!! Am I getting old?

Hannah is awesome. She sleeps quietly through the night and is smiling just about all the time she is awake. Elijah is madly in love with her still and is very protective and very mushy with her.

So you can see...we have fuller lives now and time to relax has to be planned! Time will do wonders, though, because we will fall into a comfortable routine and will be able to manage our lives better. For now, please excuse the infrequent posts and keep in touch with me through e-mail!

.

More pictures are going up this week at the goodies site and I hope to post some classic Elijah stories soon as well. There is one every day. OK...here's one for you...yesterday in the car, Deb was taking Elijah to his favorite restaurant, McDonalds. They were going through the drive through and Deb wanted Elijah to try something DIFFERENT for a change. She asked him if he wanted a hamburger. Elijah said, "No thanks." So Deb asked him why. "They make me SICK."

Love you all!!!

dad

Sleeping in the Wet Spot

Elijah was potty trained in February of this year. Those of you who got the Deuce Daily probably remember the Potty Bootcamp story. Anyway, he's been generally good for the past 6 months. An occasional "oops" at night, but mostly good. Recently, he's been waiting until the absolute last second before screaming, "I have to go potty!!!" His body stiffens up and one of us has to burn rubber to grab him and literally throw him on the toilet so he does not mess himself. It's become ritual for us. We have been teaching him in recent weeks to not wait so long before he tells us. Just either go potty by yourself or tell us BEFORE it's too late. He is still struggling with that.

Usually, he wakes up once at night (between 2 and 3am) and calls me to take him potty. I don't mind because I know the alternative is him waking up in the morning soaked in pee pee. I usually don't remember taking him in the middle of the night because it's so quick and easy that I hardly wake up (neither does he).

Lately, there have been several times when he just does not wake up at night and ends up wet. He's three years old and I'm not going to sweat it much but his response to me has been interesting. These last few times, as I am changing his wet PJ's, when I ask him what happened, his says to me, "Daddy, I don't want to talk about it now." It's very cute when he says it. He uses a low voice and makes the sad face. It's almost like he feels humiliated! I just tell him, "We don't have to talk about it now sweetie. It's OK." Then I give him a hug and tell him I love him. What else can I do? I mean, if he were 6 and this was happening, I would probe further. He's only 3!!

Funny thing is that I keep picturing him at age 14 after getting a 'D' on his report card. I ask him why that happened and he says, "Dad, I don't want to talk about it right now."

Brainfarts for August 29, 2003

People have been asking me why I am not posting more frequently here and I always tell them that I wait for an event that's worthy of writing about and then do. If things are quiet and the kids are not doing something funny or worthy of writing about here, then I usually don't do anything. Well...that is changing today with a segment I am calling Brainfarts. These are random thoughts, musings and observations of mine that come along every so often. I'm not really sure what my motivation is for thinking about them but, what the heck, I'll throw them out there and see if I get any feedback.

Why do kids always want what they can't have? I take Elijah and Hannah to Melissa's house every morning. Elijah likes to eat cereal in the car on the way there. We have 47 boxes of cereal lined up in the pantry. I tell him he can have ANY cereal he wants EXCEPT Rice Krispies and Fruity Pebbles. Why? Because they are so small that they mess up my car. I don't want to clean Pebbles out of my car every morning. So, what happens? "I WANT RICE KRISPIES!"

"Elijah, I told you, we have 65 boxes of cereal here. There are TWO that you cannot have."

"Daddy - I want FRUITY PEBBLES."

You get the picture. 99% of the time, he ends up with a baggie of Cheerios. Everyone is happy in the end.

__________

Why are doughnuts bad for you? WHO SET THIS RULE??? I demand to speak with this person in his/her office immediately!!! Doughnuts are not only healthy - they are their own FOOD GROUP! They are right in the middle of that silly Food Pyramid-triangle-grid thingy that everyone is supposed to follow. 2 fruits, 2 starches, 2 protein, 2 dairy and FOUR DOUGNUTS per day. That's what we are supposed to be eating. Dammit. Why do they put me through this aggravation?

___________

I love fat people. I really do. I've been kinda-one all my life. I hold no bad feelings towards fat people at all. I just wish some of them would learn how to dress better.

___________

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL????

Penis

You're smiling. Guaranteed. WHY?? I just don't get it. Why is the word penis so damn funny? It's one of those words that was funny when you were 3 years old and it's just as funny when you are 63. Elijah sings this song with us called "Willaby Wallaby" sometimes. You may have heard of it. Anyway...it goes "Willaby Wallaby _______, an elephant sat on ______." You fill in the blanks with people's names. So let's say we did Hannah. You change the first letter of the name to a 'W' in the first line. So it's, "Willaby Wallaby Wannah, an elephant sat on Hannah." You get the idea. "Willaby Wallaby Wordan, an elephant sat on Jordan." Anyway, it gets funny as you go along. Well, recently, Elijah has this thing with using the word penis in the song. "Willaby Wallaby wenis, an elephant sat on penis." Of course, this is followed by bellowing laughter by all of us. Why is the word penis so funny??? I mean, a three year old has no idea why it's there, other than to go pee pee, right? We go in the shower sometimes and Elijah points to mine and says, "I see your PENIS!!" I just don't get it. Well, hey, at least he admits to seeing it. The words 'leg' or 'arm' or 'foot' just don't make people laugh. Go into a crowded room and say the word 'penis' and people start gagging with laughter. I think the only other word that has the same effect is 'tushy'. Willabee wallaby wushy, an elephant sat on tushy.

Hannah is huge. She's like 5 feet tall already. I think she can dunk. Actually, relative to her height at birth, she probably COULD dunk! She's getting close to starting on food. Soon you will see pictures of Hannah's face covered in peas on the goodies site.

Hannah and Eli are both going to Deb's sisters house every day. Elijah will be going to school in the fall with his cousins so that's very nice. He loves spending his days over there with Joshie and it's so convenient for us too. We are lucky!

Deb went back to work this past Monday. I can't believe it's been 3 months since Hannah came into the world!! Time really does fly. She's smiling now and she laughed for the first time this week. She has a ticklish belly. :-)

So everyone have a GREAT weekend!! I am posting new pictures at the Goodies Site right now so go there and if you have not signed the guestbook yet - DO IT!!!

dad

How To Follow Up on Morning Wood

Good day! I've been delaying my update here for a few days because of the reaction to the morning wood story. It seems to have moved into cult status as many people are reading it who don't usually access the site. How do I follow that up?? Elijah has been rather quiet this last week as far as good material goes. He is happy that he is moving schools in the fall. We took him out of the JCC and are moving him to Temple Adath Emanu-El in Mt. Laurel so Deb's sister Melissa can transport him back and forth with her own children every day. He gets to go to school with his cousins and spend more time with his favorite cousin Joshie. It's good for him.

We have our favorite house guests this week!! Spencer, Lynne and Elijah's best friend Sydney are here!! They are staying at our house until tomorrow afternoon and will return for the weekend. They are on vacation and Elijah loves hanging with Sydney. If you ever get the chance to eavesdrop on a conversation with a couple of three-year olds...do it. There is nothing more adorable. Last night around 10pm we were driving home from a BBQ and Eli and Sydney were in the back talking and it went something like this...

SYDNEY: Elijah, see the trees?

ELI: Yes - they are green.

SYDNEY: The branches are purple.

ELI: No - they are green. Barney is purple.

SYDNEY: The branches are purple. Look at Luna.

ELI: Luna the moon! He's behind us...look!

SYDNEY: Luna is in the clouds.

ELI: He's behind us...LOOK SYDNEY!!! He's BEHIND US!!!!!

SYDNEY: Luna is in the clouds!! The moon is in the clouds.

ELI: DADDY! Sydney said that the moon is in the clouds. I have to go potty.

I love kids.

Some of you have not signed my guest book yet!!! Click here and sign it!!! Lemme know you were there!! New pics in the next few days!

dad

Size Dosen't Matter

It happens to every male. Don't deny it!! You wake up in the morning and stretch and get out of bed and....yep - you guessed it...morning wood. Don't be embarassed!! It's NORMAL. Does not mean a thing - it's just there. You get used to it after awhile. It does not cause any problems or pain. The ONLY drawback of morning wood is trying to use the bathroom. You have to twist like a pretzel so you don't squirt the walls. Sometimes, on special mornings, you REALLY have to bend and twist cause that sucker aint goin' NOWHERE!

What does that have to do with my family? Nothing. I just thought I would relate that information to you.

Just kidding.

This morning, Elijah woke up and had to go potty, as always. So at 6:15 I took him to the bathroom and he dropped his pants and...yep - morning wood. He has no idea, of course, so he proceeds to band halfway over the toilet to go pee pee. No big deal. So he gets in bed with us like always and he's watching Bear in the Big Blue House. Ten minutes later he shakes Debbie and says...

"Mommy, my penis is too big for my pajamas!"

Thank goodness it was dark in the room. He could not see me doubled over in silent laughter. So we don't want to encourage him about the subject...so we don't laugh at all. Instead, Deb asks him why that is. Now here where I get a moment of clarity. As soon as Deb asks him why that is, I have a vision of Elijah replying, "Bear looks HOT on TV today." NO!

So Elijah replies, "It's going to rip my pajama pants, Mommy!"

Mom's thoughts...."oh goodness...change the subject please...talk about baseball or something..."

Dad's thoughts....."YESSS!! That's my BOY!!! WOO WOO!!!!!" High Five!

Reality....."It's OK, Elijah, your pants won't rip. How about those Phillies? They won a BIG game last night!"

My morning in a nutshell. Gotta love it.

Don't forget to go to the goodies site (click the link) and sign my guestbook!! There's lots of new pics there!!! (NONE were taken this morning...don't worry)

dad

Pics pics and more pics

I am uploading 6 new Hannah pics today to the Goodies site! Click on the link to the left for access and don't forget to sign the guestbook over there!!!!

dad

The Proudest Parents

What a whirlwind 48 hours! My grandmother Pearl (Buba) was taken to the hospital by 911 on Sunday AM and on Monday she had taken a severe turn for the worse. She's 97 years old and her ailments are typical of what you would expect in a 97 year old. Renal failure, pnumonia, etc. Well, as always, Buba pulled through and made a magnificent recovery. She's being discharged tomorrow and looks 100% better.

Today, Deb went to visit her in the hospital with Elijah and Hannah. Elijah did not know that Buba was sick. He understands that the hospital is where babies are born and where sick people go to get better. Deb told him he was going to visit Buba in the hospital so he must have figured that she wasn't having a baby...she must be a little sick. Well, they walked in the hospital room and...well - I'll let Deb tell the rest...

"Elijah saw Buba and he went over to her and he said, "Are you OK Buba?" and he saw the patch from the EKG machine on her chest. He said, "Oh Buba, let me take that off for you," and he gently pulled off the patch. "See Buba? You're all better now." Then he fixed the corner of her nightgown (it was falling off her shoulder) and said "See Buba, you are going to be all better." He gave her a hug. Little did he know that Grace, Candice and I were all welled up standing behind him. I have never seen a boy so sweet and caring to an older person. It's like he knew that Buba had been ailing. He was so tender and understanding. If Buba was 90% better when he walked in, she was 100% after 2 minutes of him being there."

Yes, he can be a terror sometimes...he's THREE for crying out loud!! I have to remind myself of this sometimes when he's running around a restaurant yelling, "I'm SUPERMAN!" He is also the most tender, gentle boy I have ever seen and he keeps on amazing us with episodes like the one today in the hospital.

Anyway, it looks like Buba will be going straight to a 24 care facility from the hospital. It's a very difficult move for Mom, who has been taking care of Buba in her house for 5 years, but she decided today it was best. Mom needs her life back and Buba is becoming increasingly more difficult to care for with the limited resources available in a bedroom. She still gets around with her walker and she does all of the things needed to stay clean and healthy but she needs 24 care in the event that something sudden happens. Mom is broken up about it but her sister Rocky is in from Jamaica to help her through it. Uggh. More on this later. Heck - you guys don't even know who Buba is!! Well...most of you don't. She's quite a healthy looking 97 year old!!!

Don't forget the new GOODIES SITE!! Go there and check out pictures and sign my guestbook!!!

dad

ANNOUNCING...

Hey gang...I've created another website that will host all kinds of NEW goodies! The writings (the diary) will CONTINUE to be right here at this site. The new site located here will contain pictures, a guest book, and will enable you to join the community that will lead to other things in the future like message boards and a possible chat feature. Most of you are always asking for more pictures and that's the reason for the new site.

When you get there, PLEASE sign the guestbook so I knew you were there! You should also join as a member so I can reach you automatically with update notifications, etc. There is also a links page with other cool stuff. It will be expanding by the day, literally!!

Thanks again for watching.....

HERE IS THE LINK AGAIN TO THE NEW SITE!

dad

PICTURES!

Here are a few from this past week. I am establishing a seperate page that you can link to from here to see all the pictures posted. I will have that ready soon!!

Have a good weekend!!

The Mexican Wedding, Hannah's Official Name and WHITESNAKE

"What are three things Jordan took part in this past weekend."

CORRECT!

What a weekend!!! Saturday night was spent at Deb's parents' house celebrating the engagement of her sister Amy and fiance Brett. It was a great party out on the deck with lots of beer and lots of beer. AND they had lots of beer too! Amy and Brett are getting married in January. In Mexico. So we are going to make it a vacation! We are headed down there for a week in mid-January to live it up a little and celebrate a wedding on the beach. It should be very cool - breaking the traditional tuxedo/limo wedding thing. I am looking forward to wearing sandals to a wedding! Brett said there were 30 or so people confirmed to go.

After getting home and getting to sleep, I wake up on Sunday morning and we host 80 people at our house for Hannah's baby naming ceremony. 80 people! The Rabbi was stationed downstairs and we squeezed maybe 40 of the guests down there while the rest stood on the stairs or at the top of the stairs. It was PACKED! I wish I had sold tickets! The ceremony was terrific and Hannah is now officially named along with her cousin Ariana. It was actually a double ceremony all wrapped up as one. I will post the naming ceremony "program" in the next day or so here at the site. Deb did a fantastic job creating the literature and it's a beautiful packet.

So the people file out of my house and it looks like it was hit by Hurricane Claudette. We had a cleaning person that did a nice job but there's no way to see ALL of the cake frosting smeared into the walls and tabletops. There's no way to see all the SHOE marks on the walls of the stairway that occur when 4 year olds walk up the stairs SIDEWAYS. There's no way to see the puddle of pee-pee NEXT to the toilet that a stray 3 year old created - right before he announced to the crowd, "I JUST WENT POTTY ALL BY MYSELF!" There's no way to see ALL of the poppy seeds that fell of the bagels during the luncheon. I mean, POPPY SEED BAGELS?? Who ordered these? Never again. This morning as I was stepping into my shower, I felt a sharp pain in my foot and found a freakin POPPY SEED lodged between two of my toes. Those things SMART when you step on 'em! It's plain bagels from now on. Anyway, the cleaning crew comes today so when I get home it will smell like lemon and whitefish salad. Ahhh.....

After the naming it's off to Melissa and Brian's house for Joshies third birthday party. We are pooped by then and it's only 3pm. So I stay there for a bit and then hop in the car and head to the PERFECT ENDING to my day....

If you guessed Trenton, NJ for the Whitesnake concert - then you are CORRECT!!! Gary, Michael and I go to these hard rock shows all the time. It's our guilty pleasure. We can act like 16 year olds for a few hours and look at metal chicks. I love metal chicks. BUT that's a topic for another post. This time is was Slaughter, Winger, Warrant, and Whitesnake. Awesome!! It was LOUD and there were metal chicks everywhere. I think we were the only Jewish people there though. I KNOW I was the only one there who ALSO had a baby naming ceremony for his daughter that same day at his house! I was in bed for the night just after midnight. Exhausted and satisfied.

Bottom line - my day began with prayer and thanking god for my daughter and ended with me pumping my fist to songs like "Cherry Pie", "Slide it In" and "Slow and Easy." THAT'S THE LIFE.

Rock on.....

dad

The Best Therapy

Ever notice how sometimes you can talk to a complete stranger, or someone you don't know all that well, and the words they say make you feel so much better? Sometimes, people who don't fully understand are the best listeners and offer the best advice. My wedding ring is missing. Somehow I gave it to Deb to hold while I put suntan lotion on Elijah this weekend and we have not found it yet. It's in the house somewhere...just not where we can see it right now. It sucks but we know it will turn up at some point. Anyway, I asked Elijah several times if he knew where my ring was and he didn't really show much interest at all. Sometime that night, he asked me to play with him and he saw my sad face. His face became sad almost immediately and he said, "Daddy, you're not sad, you're happy!" I said I was a little sad because I could not find my ring. He walked over and took my hand in his and said, "Don't worry Daddy, we will find your ring. Maybe not today but we will find it tomorrow." Suddenly, I felt 100% better. I BELIEVED HIM! So we played for another half hour or so and then I put him in his bed and he said he wanted to help me find the ring. We looked all over his room (I knew it was not in there but he had hoped it was). After we couldn't find it, he went to bed and so did I...knowing that I would find it...tomorrow.

dad

My Son the Ventriloquist

Hannah is getting BIG! The other day I was feeding her and she had gotten so thick I could not believe it! I am noticing her cheeks getting big and puffy too. I can remember Elijah - until he turned 2 or so - had the most squeezable cheeks I've ever seen! He was chubby all over - he had those knees that you could not see unless he had his legs bent. His cheeks were so big we used to joke that he could store a winter's worth of Cheerios in them. Now, Hannah seems to be growing them too!! I will post some new pictures here in the next few days. We can compare cheeks!

Elijah has this interesting behavior with Hannah. He will walk up to me (or Deb) while we are holding Hannah and put his hand on her. Then he says, "She's awake! Hannah is awake!! Say Hi to her Daddy." So I say Hi to her. Then he continues to tell me what to say to her. "Say 'Hello my love' to her." So I say, "why don't you talk to her - she loves when you talk to her." "No, no Daddy - YOU tell her 'Hi'." How bizarre! We can't figure out why he does that - but it's so very cute. Finally, after about 5 minutes of this, I tell Elijah, "Is there anything else you want to say to Hannah for you?" It's like he's calling me on the phone asking me to relay her messages for him.

Elijah continues to be so protective of Hannah, it's incredible. When someone holds her, he's right there - and I mean RIGHT THERE - practically on the person's lap. He tells them what to say too. He's like her attorney. I can see him with her when she's 16 and a cute boy walks up to her in the mall when they are shopping...

{Cute boy}
"Hello, my name is Brutus Beefcake, but my friends call me Meat. What's your name?"

{Elijah}
"Don't answer that, Sister. He's attempting to manipulate you. Strike that question from the record."

{Hannah}
"But, Elijah, he looks like a nice boy."

{Brutus Beefcake}
"I am a nice boy. I have a Harley, 6 tatoos and a pierced penis."

{Elijah}
"My sister will not be speaking with you at this time. I advise you go on your merry way. Besides, your earlobes are getting tangled."

Yes, I can visualize this scene...and it makes me happy. Afterall, the guy probably wasn't Jewish. What kind of name is Beefcake?

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!! Be SAFE on this 4th of July. We got a family of matching T-shirts to wear so people will be staring at us like we are nuts.

Send me e-mail!



dad