Thursday, October 06, 2005

Spicing Up the Routine

Elijah is growing up so fast and it's freaking me out. He's beginning to understand metaphor and the hidden meaning behind things we say and it's becoming more difficult to "talk in code" when he's around.

I've also found pleasure in teaching him some phrases that are not quite inappropriate yet bring out a shocking reaction in those he says them to. I know, I am a mother's worst nightmare....

Several months ago, I gave Elijah a cup of juice and he said "Thanks Dad." I took that opportunity to give him an alternative response and told him that "Spanks" had the same meaning as "Thanks." So next time we were in Target and we paid for his Star Wars figurine, he took the bag from the cashier and said, "Spank you very much." I gave him a hi-five as the cashier tried to comprehend what just happened. Priceless.

I am getting more and more tired of the term "potty." Who invented that word anyway? Millions of kids around the world are announcing that they "have to go potty" to their parents four times a day. Let's spice it up a bit!! A few weeks ago, Elijah went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I asked him if he was pinching a loaf. He said, "I am going potty." OK. When he stood up I pointed at the results in the toilet and told him "that's a nice loaf!" he gets it. Well....kinda....

Next time Hannah smelled funny, Elijah ran up to me and shouted, "Hannah made a REALLY BIG pinch-a-loaf!"

Now he gets it. Now, when we are sitting at the dinner table and he's eating fishsticks (or fish dicks, as Hannah puts it), he excuses himself from the table the RIGHT way, "Daddy, I have to go pinch a loaf. I'll be right back." That's my boy!

When I was growing up, parents would get extremely upset at their kids when they said something "sucked" instead of "stunk." What's the damn difference? Is "suck" a bad word?

Last night, I told Elijah at bedtime that he was going back to school Thursday (he had been off for Rosh Hashana). He gave me a look and said "that SUCKS." I didn't correct him. It was shocking and hysterical. Why should I blast him for that? I mean, if he had said "School? Ew Dad, that fuckin' sucks ASS" then I would have to have a talk with him, right? "That sucks" is not that big a deal to me. As a matter of fact, it's pretty damn funny.


The Happy and the Sad

The Happy

My sister-in-law Sandra delivered a baby girl last night at 1 in the morning. Daniela Alberti. Sandra spent the better part of three hours before going to the hospital sitting on my couch making noises that, had my eyes not been open, could have harkened back to the night when the baby was conceived. Thank goodness the seriousness of the evening was tempered by Sandra's husband Steve, who, in a roughly seven-minute section of the night, managed to send his wife into all-out labor by leaving a stink bomb in my bathroom that that nearly put MY WIFE in to pre-mature labor. Elijah would say that Steve pinched the entire Wonder Bread factory. Needless to say, my couch was spared of bodily fluids (though my sink was not) and Sandra was successfully transported by her coach (Amy), bo-legged husband and parents to the baby hospital and had the baby 3 hours later. Arianna has a sister! Congrats on the healthy delivery and everyone's bad if we don't recommend Steve's method as an alternative to petocin.

The Sad

"Our Pasquale is no longer in pain."

This was the e-mail many of us received on September 29th from my mom. Pasquale (Pat) Pasquerella passed away peacefully after fighing lung cancer for nine months.

Patty was my father's best friend. One of the only true friends he's ever had. Patty's wife, Nora, has been my mom's best friend for 35 years. They all grew up together. This was not supposed to happen this soon, but life has a way of throwing us a curveball every once in a while.

Deb and I went to the viewing on Sunday night and, there in the room, were most of the people I had grown up with in my younger years. Some I had not seen in ten years. Amazing how death brings people together.

We will never forget Patty's laugh. Rest in peace.


Utah Update

It's getting closer and closer and our house has NOT SOLD YET! We are not in panic mode yet but it's getting more and more evident that I will be living in a Residence Inn in Salt Lake City for a period of time before we buy a house out there. I am travelling on October 16th for several days to recruit and house hunt. I have 15 interviews scheduled in a 2 day period and hope to assemble a staff that is ready to start training in Philadelphia on November 3rd. That's when the RUSH starts....fasten your seatbelts!

That's all for now. Here is a picture from Candice's birthday party...


Foxxy One said...

Dude, that's fucking hysterical about Elijah!

I'm sorry for your loss.

Mozel tov on the new addition.

Unknown said...

You've started him on the right path. He's been a comedian as long as I've known him.