Homeless and Living in Grand Central Station

Call ABC, NBC, CBS or FOX right away. We have the PERFECT situation comedy / reality show opportunity for them!! It's on Country Club Drive in Cherry Hill, NJ. The ratings will be THROUGH THE ROOF!! The Neilson people will bronze a statue of us!! David Letterman will invite us to perform on Stupid Human Tricks! We can make MILLIONS!!!

We are homeless. For the first time since 1998, we do not have a mortgage. No electric bill, water bill, sewage, NOTHING! Of course, we had to set up a wireless network at Mom's and put a DVR in our room (notice I didn't call it our BEDroom - just our ROOM because that's where we LIVE). Heck, with the wireless internet and DVR in our room - there's no reason to LEAVE! When we DO leave is when the fun starts. That's when the cameras should start rolling...

The door closes to our room and we can see Luis and Elijah in THEIR room. Elijah is playing his GameBoy and watching "Land Before Time, Part 22" on the TV. Luis is next to him holding a plate of chicken nuggets that he brought upstairs from the kitchen because Elijah refused to eat them because they were not in the shape of DINOSAURS. Luis calls me on my cellphone to tell me that Elijah is in danger of getting said nuggets force fed to him through his sphincter in 2 minutes if he does not eat them willingly. I tell Luis to make sure they have ketchup on them first or that would hurt like hell.

Down the hall in Mom's office we see 5-year old Sofia playing with her new Barbie while Sabrina is on the computer working on her thesis. The topic is why American men suck.

Mom and Dad's bedroom is occupied by a toddler bed. In the toddler bed is a napping Hannah - innocent and ALWAYS happy. The sanity of the house is restored with one line "It's a BEEEEEEEEEEE-UTIFUL day!"

Downstairs in the kitchen, there needs to be multiple cameras. One focused on Dad trying to figure out his new Senseo coffee maker. "I've pushed every freakin button on this thing 4 times. Where's my coffee?" "Did you read the instructions, Dad?" "No." Dad provides the most intense humor in the house because even the slightest disruption of his routine (like removing 5% of the pulp in his orange juice) causes the earth to change it's rotation. When we put digital cable in the family room, the new remote almost caused Dad to enroll in therapy. I think he's told me FIFTEEN times in the week we have been there, that he will be reverting BACK to the rabbit ears, SPRUCER BOX cable system the SECOND we leave the house. He's only happy when he can hit the side of the TV to improve the reception.

Luis comes down to the kitchen to make his four turkey sandwiches for lunch. He's still hungry after that so he cooks up some spinach and egg and while he rocks out to Poison and Whitesnake.

Mom comes home and cooks dinner for everyone. Salad, green beans, spinach, brussel sprouts, carrots, collared greens, broccoli, celery, broccoli robb, radishes, peas, lima beans, beets, and cauliflower served on a bed of cabbage and endive and garnished with flaxseed oil and wheat germ. Dad gets up from the table and causes the room to gasp when he adds salt and a dollop of butter on his radish. Mom nearly has an anxiety attach but Luis brings her the oxygen tank just in time. Cut to a commercial.

When we return, Dad is retreating to the couch to catch this week's episode of '24' but yells in to Debbie to help him find the right channel on the remote. Before she leaves, he tells her she can take the cable system with her when she moves out.

At 8pm, Elijah is still working on his Mac & Cheese. It's been two hours. Mom tells me that I am too fat and in the next sentence offers me up a slice of 4-layer ice cream cake with a side of Crisco and bacon fat. The audience is rolling at this point.

I clear my throat and Mom runs over with a gallon of chicken soup and some sliced potatoes to wrap around my head. Buba says they take the sick out of you. "I'm not sick, Mom. I cleared my throat because I had a piece of wheat germ stuck down there." Mom demands I drink the chicken soup (after she skims the fat off it) and then tells me to check my testicles. The credits roll.

Viewers can't WAIT for the coming attractions for next week's episode in which Candice secretly replaces Dad's remote with a mango and tells him it's the latest in technology. Dad spends 5 minutes trying to use it to watch 'Law and Order'. Elijah runs up from downstairs where he's been on a 4-day Star Wars Playstation binge and asks if chicken nuggets come in Darth Vader shapes. The cliffhanger occurs when all three bathrooms are occupied and Luis needs to poop.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN??

Stay tuned for another episode of..... "The Real World: Borenstein's" Come to think of it...we ought to seek out the movie rights too....

Happy Birthday Elijah!!

I can't believe he's SIX!!! A bunch of us went to Lincoln Financial Field on Saturday to get a tour of the place and then went to Friendly's for ice cream. The Eagles field was very cool and we got to step on the field and tour the press box and the post-game conference room. They would not let us in the Eagles locker room because it was the day before a game. Still a good time was had by all and the Star Wars toys are piling up in the house!!!




Warm wishes and MAZEL TOV to our friends Julie and Marc (see Tales from the Stirrups) on the successful return home with their new son! He's gorgeous!

I don't wanna jinx anything here but it looks like our house has been sold! We are going through some typical attorney review/inspection issues now but it looks like closing will be NEXT FRIDAY. Just mentioning that makes my stomach hurt. I am not going to say much more yet but we are having movers come and pack up everything and store it until the final move to Utah in late March or early April. We will be taking up with the parental units until then. This means that we will be OUT OF OUR HOUSE by this time - next week. Gulp. I will update you all later on.

Meanwhile we have visitors!! Luis is back in town from Colombia and this time he brought Sabrina and her beautiful daughter Sophia. I will post pictures next time. They are staying with my parents until mid-January...which....means.....yes.....you got it. Sardines. Should be a fun couple of weeks.

Sadie sleeps 5-6 hours straight at night!! Deb is doing a phenomenal job with her schedule. I am convinced that any baby can spend a week with Deb and get on an excellent sleep schedule!

While we were at the link, I took some time in the Press Conference Room to introduce the new wide receiver for the Eagles next year. The press was there to take photos...

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIJAH!!! I hope to get more pictures of you like this in the coming weeks but I am afraid you are never going to put down the GameBoy we bought you!! WE LOVE YOU!

JEEZ! It's Not THAT Bad!!

People love to put the fear of god in you. That's just human nature. When we announced we were expecting our third child, most people would congratulate us and then tell us one of the following things:

1. Since your first two kids were so wonderful as infants, this one will DRIVE YOU TO DRINK and you will be in a sanitarium by the time you are 40.
2. Well, there goes any chance of SLEEPING EVER AGAIN! Hannah and Elijah slept through the night at 9 weeks so this one is going to put you on SLEEP MEDICATION.
3. Two was easy - each one of you is in charge of one. THREE? Forget it! It's like going from man-to-man defense to a ZONE. They are going to be all over the place. YOUR LIFE IS NOW OVER. GIVE UP. YOU ARE GOING TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET AND YOUR KIDS ARE HOLDING THE HANDLE!! SURRENDER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, people, y'all need to accept this as FACT: WE MAKE GOOD KIDS! We have the recipe and we cook 'em to perfection.

Sadie is a doll. Aside from being beautiful, she is peaceful and easy. She treats us like gold. JUST LIKE ELIJAH AND HANNAH DID!! Wow - did we defy the odds?

Sadie is sleeping at 3-5 hour clips at night, which is great. She's up to 4 ounces of formula for each bottle and she's up a lot during the day. She's going to be a month old in a few days!! Soon she will be smiling!!

Meanwhile, Elijah is moving right along in Kindergarten and his 6th birthday is this weekend! We are going to Lincoln Financial Field for a tour on Saturday to celebrate. He's quite the Eagles fan! Hannah is learning to go on the potty and she's so incredibly lovable and squeezeable - it's awesome. She's all love all the time.

It's a BEEEEEEEEEE-UTIFUL DAY!!!!

Every morning when I go into Hannah's room to get her, I open her shades and she yells that statement out loud. I told her that EVERY day is a beautiful day and she loves telling me that every morning. "Look Daddy, it's raining REALLY hard and it's VEEERRRRY chilly outside but it's a BEEEEEEEEEE-UTIFUL DAY!!!! I love her.




Got a big month coming up with cousins Luis, Sabrina and Sophia coming from Colombia next week!! It's going to be a great holiday season!!!

Always more to come...

Party of Five

So now what?

Here we are....huddled around the TV....watching the Eagles game. In moments like this, it does not seem any different - two kids vs. three kids. Actually, so far, it's been pretty easy. Deb and I have been working the system while I've been home from work. Deb's been really bonding with Sadie and has taken on most of the duties with her while I have been concentrating on Elijah and Hannah. Tomorrow the test really begins when I go back to work and Deb is here all day with Sadie. I know she can do it, she's been incredibly amazing from day one of the pregnancy. She hasn't complained, hasn't "played the pregnancy card" at all and has maintained being a wonderful mom and wife at the same time. There were times during the pregnancy where Deb was more active and involved than before she was pregnant! You would never know!! I am proud of her. She's a terrific mommy.

Meanwhile, I've managed to spend alone time with both Elijah and Hannah this week - taking them shopping and on various errands outside and playing a lot with them here. They have both been very accepting in their own ways of Sadie and they are both very happy that she's here. Hannah tells everyone about her "little thithter" and then moves on to the next subject. I was feeding Hannah soup the other day and wanted to put a bib on her to protect her clothes and she pulled it away and said, "this is HERS! this bib is my little thithters!" Elijah is all over her - ALL THE TIME. Yesterday, Hannah's Godparents, Spencer and Lynne, were over and their daughter Sydney was leaning over Sadie. Elijah stepped in and said, "not too close to the face please, Sydney." He's so overprotective. Last night before bed, Elijah told us that if we needed help during the night, to wake him up and he would help us feed and change her. It was adorable.

Sadie has been sleeping for 3-4 hours at a shot at night, which is great. She gave us 5 hours once a few nights back. She's been easy to feed and falls asleep on her own each time. All we have to do is swaddle her and lay her in her bassinet. 30 minutes most. It's great.

We have had tens of people stopping over and bringing food. Right now, we have a dozen or so meals sitting in the fridge waiting to either be eaten or go bad. Hey - we can't eat everything!!! We have chinese food, two chickens, mashed potatoes, corn, beans, eggplant parm, briskit, roast beef and chicken salad in the fridge. Wanna come over?

So there you have it. It was a nice, easy week and Deb and I had a chance to relax, play video games and get some peace and quiet. Now it's time to get on with life!! Work at 8am tomorrow.

Speaking of work....a lot of you are wondering what's going on with me with the whold move thing. Well, I'll have more information for you all later this week but it appears that the move will be more like March or April 2006. Lots of reasons for this but I won't bother boring you with those. I'll update again later on in the week.

So thanks to all who have been here and helped us out this week. We are now a party of FIVE and yes, I can assure you, it will never be six. :-)

Sadie the Beautiful Baby

Sadie the Pretty Baby!!!!

She's here!!!! I don't have much time so I am copying the e-mail I sent to friends and family here and will include some additional pics!!!

Hi all!!

Yesterday afternoon at 4:19, we welcomed the newest Borenstein into the world!

Her name is Sadie Pearl Borenstein and she weighed in at 7 pounds and 3 ounces. She was 18.25 inches long. Everyone is doing great and I still can’t believe this happened.

Elijah and Hannah wore their big brother/big sister T-shirts to the hospital to meet Sadie and it was one of those moments you don’t ever forget. They spent the night at Mom’s house and Deb and I got great night’s sleep. I spoke to Deb this morning and she was cleaning the room and wants to come home TODAY. The Doctor said it’s possible but, most likely, it will be tomorrow.

Hope to speak to you all soon!!!!

Dad (times 3!)

She's Almost Here!

OK - quick update here.

We saw the doctor today and we got confirmation that Deb is checking into Virtua Hospital on Friday morning around 10am!!

She will be put on a Petocin drip (she's already 2 cm dialated) and we will let nature take it's course!! I am predicting baby girl will be here by Saturday AM!!

We have the name too!!! Finally!!!!

I'll update here again soon!

Dad (times 3!)

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

It seems like life is one big WAIT at this point. Littlefoot is fully cooked and whenever she's ready to join us is perfectly OK! Deb looks great and her last day at work is tomorrow. I am going to celebrate with her office at the end of the day and then it's WAIT time! We are scheduled to be induced on Friday the 11th unless Littlefoot comes sooner.

Most of you know by now that the move to Utah was slightly delayed due to construction and permit issues in our building in Salt Lake. It's good and bad. It's good because I get to be home more for Deb to help with Littlefoot. She does not have to worry about me leaving two weeks after the baby was born. Instead, it looks like we will be starting in early January and the official move will be in late January. It's bad because I am eager to get this business going!!! It's all good, though.

The house is still on the market. It's been eight weeks or so and we have lowered the price by about $15K but NONE of the houses in the hood are selling at all. The market STINKS!!! Still, no panic. We have another open house (our 4th) this Sunday and still hope to sell ASAP!!!

Halloween was hysterical. Elijah was Anakin Sywalker and Hannah was Cinderella. She was a TROOPER!! She walked up to each house and said "TRICK or TREAATTTTTTT" and got TONS of candy. She konked out a few blocks from home and I carried her the rest of the way. I don't have a picture handy here but here is one of Elijah (not his Halloween costume).

Short and sweet today....I need to post more and I want to but I am on limited time today and have to get to Hannah's back to school night!!

LITTLEFOOT IS COMING SOON!!! :-)

One of Mom's Favorite Hannah Pictures

Spicing Up the Routine

Elijah is growing up so fast and it's freaking me out. He's beginning to understand metaphor and the hidden meaning behind things we say and it's becoming more difficult to "talk in code" when he's around.

I've also found pleasure in teaching him some phrases that are not quite inappropriate yet bring out a shocking reaction in those he says them to. I know, I am a mother's worst nightmare....

Several months ago, I gave Elijah a cup of juice and he said "Thanks Dad." I took that opportunity to give him an alternative response and told him that "Spanks" had the same meaning as "Thanks." So next time we were in Target and we paid for his Star Wars figurine, he took the bag from the cashier and said, "Spank you very much." I gave him a hi-five as the cashier tried to comprehend what just happened. Priceless.

I am getting more and more tired of the term "potty." Who invented that word anyway? Millions of kids around the world are announcing that they "have to go potty" to their parents four times a day. Let's spice it up a bit!! A few weeks ago, Elijah went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I asked him if he was pinching a loaf. He said, "I am going potty." OK. When he stood up I pointed at the results in the toilet and told him "that's a nice loaf!" Ahhhh....now he gets it. Well....kinda....

Next time Hannah smelled funny, Elijah ran up to me and shouted, "Hannah made a REALLY BIG pinch-a-loaf!"

Now he gets it. Now, when we are sitting at the dinner table and he's eating fishsticks (or fish dicks, as Hannah puts it), he excuses himself from the table the RIGHT way, "Daddy, I have to go pinch a loaf. I'll be right back." That's my boy!

When I was growing up, parents would get extremely upset at their kids when they said something "sucked" instead of "stunk." What's the damn difference? Is "suck" a bad word?

Last night, I told Elijah at bedtime that he was going back to school Thursday (he had been off for Rosh Hashana). He gave me a look and said "that SUCKS." I didn't correct him. It was shocking and hysterical. Why should I blast him for that? I mean, if he had said "School? Ew Dad, that fuckin' sucks ASS" then I would have to have a talk with him, right? "That sucks" is not that big a deal to me. As a matter of fact, it's pretty damn funny.

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The Happy and the Sad

The Happy

My sister-in-law Sandra delivered a baby girl last night at 1 in the morning. Daniela Alberti. Sandra spent the better part of three hours before going to the hospital sitting on my couch making noises that, had my eyes not been open, could have harkened back to the night when the baby was conceived. Thank goodness the seriousness of the evening was tempered by Sandra's husband Steve, who, in a roughly seven-minute section of the night, managed to send his wife into all-out labor by leaving a stink bomb in my bathroom that that nearly put MY WIFE in to pre-mature labor. Elijah would say that Steve pinched the entire Wonder Bread factory. Needless to say, my couch was spared of bodily fluids (though my sink was not) and Sandra was successfully transported by her coach (Amy), bo-legged husband and parents to the baby hospital and had the baby 3 hours later. Arianna has a sister! Congrats on the healthy delivery and everyone's bad if we don't recommend Steve's method as an alternative to petocin.



The Sad

"Our Pasquale is no longer in pain."

This was the e-mail many of us received on September 29th from my mom. Pasquale (Pat) Pasquerella passed away peacefully after fighing lung cancer for nine months.

Patty was my father's best friend. One of the only true friends he's ever had. Patty's wife, Nora, has been my mom's best friend for 35 years. They all grew up together. This was not supposed to happen this soon, but life has a way of throwing us a curveball every once in a while.

Deb and I went to the viewing on Sunday night and, there in the room, were most of the people I had grown up with in my younger years. Some I had not seen in ten years. Amazing how death brings people together.

We will never forget Patty's laugh. Rest in peace.




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Utah Update

It's getting closer and closer and our house has NOT SOLD YET! We are not in panic mode yet but it's getting more and more evident that I will be living in a Residence Inn in Salt Lake City for a period of time before we buy a house out there. I am travelling on October 16th for several days to recruit and house hunt. I have 15 interviews scheduled in a 2 day period and hope to assemble a staff that is ready to start training in Philadelphia on November 3rd. That's when the RUSH starts....fasten your seatbelts!

That's all for now. Here is a picture from Candice's birthday party...

It's Becoming REAL!

Each day that passes, the reality of moving to Utah becomes more and more real. Last week, after spending a few days in Denver at our office there, I met Deb at the Salt Lake airport for the start of a three day neighborhood-hunting visit. It was both of our's first trip to Utah ever.

The first thing I noticed that was different was at the Hertz counter. The woman welcomed me to Utah and smiled at me. I knew right away that I was not in Philadelphia. I said this to her and she laughed. I wanted to give her a hug and a kiss! We stayed at the Residence Inn directly across from where my office will be. We went to bed almost immediately because we had a big day planned with the realtor on Friday.

Friday morning after breakfast, we met our realtor for the first time. Sheila Gelman has been in Utah since 1971 after moving from...Philadelphia! She's been in real estate since 1979 and knows every area like the back of her hand. She was a dream and made everything so easy for us. We spent the next seven hours or so getting in and out of Sheila's Audi looking at houses and taking notes.

One thing is for certain: Utah is the single most beautiful place I have ever seen in America. No question. EVERYWHERE you look - mountains. Not hills and small peaks...I am talking MOUNTAINS. Just for example - here is a picture of one of the many houses we looked at. The view is virtually the same at every place we saw.




The first half day was really eliminating a bunch of neighborhoods for one reason or another. We want to live in a more diverse area and our best bet is closer in to the city of Salt Lake. The further out you venture, the less diverse the community is. The statement that Mormons dominate Salt Lake is absolutely false. We learned a lot of things out there and this was one of them. First off, the Mormons are very wonderful people and very accepting of outsiders. Specifically, they are very close with the Jews. Seeing a Church of LDS on every three street corners can be a bit intimidating, however, they become part of the backdrop after a few days. Besides, the Ward Houses, as they are called, are absolutely immaculate. Beautifully landscaped and mostly newer buildings, the LDS Ward Houses merely add to the curb appeal of the city. They are some of the most gorgeous structures there.

The city has one real synagogue, Kol Ami. The picture here shows the view from the parking lot.



There are 300 families that belong to the ONLY synagogue. So different from here! We plan on joining right away. It's important to make immediate bonds with some of the Jewish families out there so we can continue to bring the kids up in a Jewish world.

Some interesting facts about our trip and about Salt Lake City:

• There are exactly ZERO Dunkin Donuts in Salt Lake City. ZERO. Amazing not to see one every few miles on the road. There are several Starbucks - I think two. Mormons don't drink caffeine.
• I put on NBC to watch Saturday Night Live on Saturday night. Not on. Turns out that the NBC affiliate in SLC won't show it. Too racy. We did, however, get to watch Steve Young give his testimony at BYU and cry about his devotion to his Mormon faith....on network TV.
• We ate at a FANTASTIC Mexican restaurant (Red Iguana) and all the employees (save the chef) were white. We ate at an excellent sushi restaurant (Mikado) and all the employees (save the chef) were white. So different!!!!
• At 10pm, as we were finishing at the sushi place, another couple noticed my Phillies shirt and asked if we were from Philly. Turns out, the guy grew up in West Chester! He met his wife at the University of Utah and moved here. They have two children the SAME age as our kids and live in a development that we were looking at!! I gave him my contact information. Small world!
• It was 95 degrees there on all three days and I DID NOT SWEAT ONE BEAD. So wonderful!! A Borenstein didn't sweat! The maximum humidity was 35%. This explains why almost every home has a fully finished basement with bathrooms and bedrooms down there. There is almost no such thing as mold and mildew there. My allergies will be put to sleep!!

When it was time to come home, we had pretty much decided on a few neighborhoods we would concentrate on when it was time to buy. I will be traveling out there a few more times and, depending on when our house sells, it will be UP TO ME to pick the actual house we will be spending the next few years in. Gulp. Pray for me. Actually, I feel confident because Sheila has a good idea of that Deb likes and I may ask Mom to fly out there to check some out because she knows Deb's tastes pretty well, too.

Our house went on the market last week. If you know someone who wants to move to Cherry Hill in a GREAT location - send them this link!!

http://homes.longandfoster.com/Buy_Home/Search/Property_Details.aspx?coId=5&mlsNum=4586789

If you sell my house I will invite you to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir FOR FREE when you come visit us in Utah!!!

That's all for now. No bats this week. If there are more bats, however, my father-in-law gave me an easy solution - throw a ball at it.

Batman

Elijah's young life has been marked by distinct sections when it comes to his passions and interests. In his first years, he was into Baby Einstein and Bear in the Big Blue House. Now his life is literally consumed by Star Wars. He's become an expert at all things Star Wars and even competes with the adults at Star Wars Trivial pursuit. He's Jedi E.

The time between his Bear in the Big Blue House, Buzz Lightyear, and Star Wars phases was spent idolizing super heroes. He loved Superman especially but collected all the figures and watched the Justice League all day long. For some reason, and I'm sure many Dad's feel this way, there is a sense of "man, if I could only fly through the air with a cape and defeat Lex Luthor then maybe he will look at ME the same way he looks at Superman." I always wondered what that feeling would be like....what if Elijah thought of me as a SUPER HERO......

It was Sunday night and Deb was sleeping next to me. Elijah and Hannah were tucked in, sound asleep and I was on my bed watching 'Entourage' on HBO. Sometime in the middle of the show (around 10:15 or so), I heard a scratching noise just for a second on my bedroom door, which we keep closed at night. It diverted my attention for just a second and then I continued watching the show (it's one of my favorite shows). I thought it was Elijah and he would either come into my room complaining he could not sleep or just go back to his bed. I didn't hear the sound again. The show ended at 10:30 and I eventually turned off the TV around 11:00. Now that there was complete silence in the room, I could more easily fall asleep.....

Insomnia.

I tossed and turned for several hours completely unable to fall asleep. No real reason. Probably this whole Utah thing and worrying that everything would be pulled off perfectly...you know - typical job related stress. I finally started to get sleepy around 1:00. It was a hot night and I was hearing various noises outside. Living in a lot of trees results in hearing a lot of noises. At one point, I heard the pitter patter of what I thought was a squirrel galloping across my roof. It's kinda spooky late at night in the summertime in my house because of all these noises.....

So I finally fall half asleep...and about 1:25 I was awaken by a VERY distinct scratching noise. Similar to the one at the bedroom door but MUCH more clear and this time coming from Debbie's side of the bed. I jump up. Deb jumps up at the same time. She heard it too. If I had been wearing underwear I would have had to change them right away. Deb handed me a mini-flashlight and I got on the floor. I was expecting to see mouse eyes staring back at me. We had mice in our old house so I really was not all that freaked out....at that point. So I scanned the floor of the room with the flashlight and saw nothing but a few stray toys, a pacifier, and a six-month old peepee diaper that I hoped, for just a second, was indeed walking itself to the garbage can. Nothing.

So, thinking we were hearing things we settled back in bed and I got cozy and ready to fall back asleep. Deb was awake at that point and cannot fall asleep without the TV on so she grabbed the remote and clicked on the TV. 'Entourage' was on HBO again and she began to watch it...

Remember when you were a young kid, you used to play that game with your hands and the shadows on the wall? You would make a dog or a wolf with your hands and it would appear on the wall as a ten-foot monster and scare the living crap out of you? Sometimes you would make a huge bird and make flapping noises with your mouth to add realism while this 200 pound killer vulture flew past you on the wall. Remember that flapping noise???????

FLAP FLAP FLAP. Deb yelps and bounces up as I turn over...JUST IN TIME to see the 200 pound shadow of a vulture flap past my TV screen. Circling the room and it's prey as it prepares to strike. "There's a bird in the room!!," Deb yelped as she covered herself with the blanket. I jumped out of the bed and got downstairs so fast I still have no idea how I got there. Next thing I knew I was standing in the living room with every single light in the house on. Oh yeah, somehow I had my underwear on at this point as well.

Deb was smart. She ran down the hall and closed the kid's bedroom doors. Elijah's ceiling fan was on full speed and how gross would THAT have been? Deb ran downstairs and Jonathan Livingston Seagull followed close behind. We both started doing laps around the inside of the house for no reason....screaming. I yelled for Deb to get me a broom and propped the front door wide open so more birds could come in and join us. I figured I would swat this thing out the door and be the hero. Just then I heard Deb half-crying from the kitchen. She was sitting on the floor near the family room steps grabbing her ankle and yelling that she twisted it. Tears were coming from her eyes. Screams were coming from my mouth as I ran past her full speed with my straw broom screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Then it hit me...

What bird would be wide awake at 1 in the morning?

Just like that my whole demeanor changed. I went from shooing a stray blackbird from my house to trying to stab a blood-sucking vampire bat through the heart. I thought of grabbing a knife. Still doing laps around my downstairs with the straw broom the thoughts of my neighbors waking up and taking notice of what was going on hit me. Door wide open, 1:45 in the morning, underwear clad husband screaming "get the fuck out of my house" while swinging a straw broom while his crying, seven-month pregnant wife lay lame on the ground clutching her ankle and unable to move.......I was going to jail because a fruit bat lost it's way and ended up in my bedroom.

Finally, Deb got up and I ordered her upstairs and into the bedroom. By the time she limped upstairs, both kids were up. They all went into my bedroom and closed the door. Elijah wanted to know why Daddy was screaming and yelling bad words. Deb told him there was a big moth flying around and Daddy was trying to neutralize it. That's a great visual I want my son to keep with him for life. Then again, if Elijah ever knew there was a bat in the house, he would need therapy to ever have a chance of sleeping again.

So the bat and I ended up in my living room. It was shooting from one end of the room to the other....just six feet off the ground and whizzing past my head. At every pass, I would swat at the thing with a broom that was six times it's size.....and miss. I felt like Bugs Bunny in that Who's on First cartoon when he swings and misses at every pitch 4 times. I sounded more like Monica Seles on every swing, grunting so families in Utah could hear a preview of the new neighbors they would be getting soon.

Finally, on a wild backswing, I made contact. The rodent hit my broom, then the wall and then..thud...on the ground. I was sweating so much I was shining up the room. I closed the door and got my breathing down to a normal level. I decided to get a plastic bag, sweep the bat into it and dispose of it. I got the bag and approached the carcass...

Did you ever walk up to a sleeping cat and scream, scaring the shit out of it? What happens? Exactly - it jumps on all fours about 3 feet in the air and lands 10 feet backwards with it's fangs drawn and tail in the air.

About two steps from Lucifer it started flapping it's wing and screaming. I am not exactly sure how I ended up in the garage but that's where I woke up.

So I come back into the living room and the bat is still there on the ground....injured and certainly not able to move. I decided there was not an exterminator that would come out at 2:20 in the morning. So, I did what every homeowner would do to protect his family....I covered the bat under a Calphalon Soup Pot. Ever use a Calphalon Soup Pot? It weighs about 30 pounds. Of course, an injured fruit bat would be able to lift it easily so I weighted it down with two more soup pots and a 10 pound fire extinguisher. It looked like a 5 foot metal tee-pee.

I went upstairs and into my bedroom. My family was staring at me. Mouths agape. Complete silence. "WELL???" Deb asked. "We are OK....for tonight." Nothing like making your family feel safe, right?

The next morning, the exterminator came and took care of the bat.

I was putting Elijah to bed the next night. I was laying next to him and he said,

"Dad, you were soooo brave yesterday catching that moth!!"

"Yep, Elijah, it was very brave. I am here to protect my family, son. I will make sure there is never any evil here. EVIL NEVER WINS! Mommy is cleaning the sheets now and I'll be able to go back to my room soon as well."

"Dad - you were like a SUPER HERO!"

"Call me.........BATMAN."

Only in America, or, You'll Be a Jewish Family Living WHERE?

It was the punchine of at least a hundred jokes growing up. It was also the "not" answer of questions like "Where will you be in 10 years?" It was a place where nobody actually LIVED...they just went to ski and then came back HOME. Certainly, it was not a place where any Jewish person would live......

In the once-again prove that life can throw anything at you, don't count your chickens before they hatch, book of YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME world that we live in....well......YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!! I am moving to...Utah?

As many of you already know - this is indeed the truth. We are moving to freaking UTAH. As I have gathered from reading the most recent edition of Mormon for Dummies, there ARE people who live in Utah - MANY of them. Now, there are just 4,000 Jews in Salt Lake City....there are 4,000 Jews on my block here in Cherry Hill....so...the change will be interesting.

For those who did not get the e-mail I sent last night, it is re-printed here at the end of this post forever to be archived. This way, I can remind myself when I visit my blog that I AM MOVING TO UTAH.

It's a good thing. No, it's a freaking GREAT thing. Deb and I believe that. Now YOU all PLEASE believe us!!! Thus far, the only issues we have encountered are people refusing to believe that we are really into this move! I can go into the tearing-the-scab-off-a-wound-that-is-not-yet-healed feeling of taking the kids away from their grandparents for a few years but I won't...yet. Read my blog in a few months when this happens and I am sure you will see plenty of that. No, the fact is that this is a phenominal adventure that we are being given the precious opportunity to embark upon. Does anyone out there honestly believe that they could take their families to a town of snow-covered mountains to live in God's country for a few years and NOT come back better for it? This is a gift! The chance for our family to grow on it's own for a few years, a chance for us to bond and see more. More culture, more climate, more mountains!! How could we not come back "more" people"??? And we DO have plans to return. We truly want our children to grow up near their entire families. That's part of the dream too.

We are moving to Utah. I'll be making several trips over the next few weeks and cannot wait to post the pictures here. Many of you have already pledged they would visit. PLEASE don't just say this! We will have a big house - plenty of room and we can't wait to share this with everyone. You have all been so supportive and, although I know it's difficult for some, please believe that we are sincere about coming back and know that your love and support have meant more than you know. We don't think we could have made this decision without believing that we had that support.

So, UTAH - get ready for the Yid population to triple! I think you hear us knockin', I think we're comin' in, and we're bringing bagels, lox and TONS OF CHUTZPAH with us!

Friends and Family…

Let me first apologize for not personally calling many of you. There is too much to explain and still too many questions that I can’t yet answer. While not as personal, e-mail gives me the opportunity to reach out to many of you at once and it’s a heck of a lot easier!!

So here’s the scoop…

Today I was offered a Director’s position with my company (Marlin Leasing). It’s by far the biggest promotion offer of my life and my ticket to lifelong success and job security for me and the family.

Here’s the kicker.

The job is in Salt Lake City, Utah.

I’ve been given the weekend to consider the offer and talk it over with my family. For us, it’s not that hard of a decision. I can tell you almost definitely, we are headed for the mountains.

I will have the responsibility to start the operation from scratch. The office does not even have a computer or a desk in it yet, let alone employees. They want to open on November 1^st with seven sales people and myself. I know – I have a lot of work to do.

So…does anyone want to start a career in financial sales and relocate to Utah? Send me your resumes!!

The plan will be for us to sell our house quickly and pick a house out there quickly. Deb and the kids would stay here (Moms!) and Deb will give birth to Littlefoot at Virtua Hospital in mid-November. I will be living in Utah and come home for the birth and Thanksgiving. Sometime after Thanksgiving, when Littlefoot can fly, Deb and the kids will come out and join me in our new home.

My commitment with Marlin is for two years. My thinking is between 3-5 years. We have strong feelings about not staying longer so that our children can grow up with their families. So far, in Marlin’s history, this has been the pattern.

Candice found flights for $250 round trip!!! Will have 5 bedrooms in our house so you all have to come keep us company now and again!!!

Maybe we will be up for some sort of Jewish Nobel Peace Prize for tripling the Jewish population in Utah when we move….

We told Elijah about this and he’s excited to go on “a Borenstein adventure to the mountains.” It will be a family bonding experience and I am sure that we will emerge from this as a tight family unit and be better for it in the long haul.

I will have more details over the next week or so. I am sure I will be speaking to or e-mailing all of you as those details come in. I know that the office is at the base of a snow capped mountain in Salt Lake and Deb has already been in touch with a realtor and with the JCC there. As usual, more details will also be posted on my weblog at www.671967.blogspot.com.

Thanks again everyone for your support throughout this process. Our home is open to all of you and don’t get used to us being gone cause the BORENSTEIN BBQ’S WILL BE RETURNING BEFORE LONG!!!!! And yes, Mikey, you will again see me sweating at the grill….

JB

The Boob part 2

What a week! We had the funeral service on Wednesday afternoon at Platt Memorial Chapel in Voorhees. The Rabbi was terrific and we had FIVE speakers. First, Deb read the Woman of Valor poem which was beautiful. Cynthia said a few words next that were very emotional and then Scott delivered his trademark speech which was very eloquent and described Buba's life mantra, "Life is just once." It was a wonderful speech. My words were next and, although my words were rehearsed, what occurred certainly was not. After about two sentences, I heard the pitter patter of little feet coming towards me and then Elijah appeared next to me at the podium. The Rabbi moved a chair so he could stand and be seen next to me and Elijah put his hand on mine to comfort me. The audience did not see this and the feeling that came over me was incredible. Deb told me later that he just wanted to me with me when I gave my speech about Buba. The love in this 5 year old boy is amazing. I delivered my words and finished with Buba's catch phrase, "the best of the best." Candice was the last speaker and she was wonderful and emotional as well.

Before the actual start of the ceremony, the funeral director invited us to view Buba in her open casket. I've never done this before and I planned on NOT doing this for Buba. However, Elijah was 100% sure he wanted to see her and say goodbye so I decided, "if Elijah is not freaked out, then I can do this too." I went with him. He was unbelievable. He actually touched Buba's face and hands. He was not weirded out at all. In truth, she looked much better than she did in her final days. She looked beautiful.

The cemetery was very nice and the service there was short and very emotional. Everyone there had the chance to put some soil on Buba's casket before they lowered it down. Elijah did not come to the cemetery. We decided it was enough for him to be at the service and see Buba.

We spent six or so hours at Mom's house afterwards and many people came to pay their respects and talk about Buba. There was a minion service at 7pm and LOTS of food. It was very nice. Mom had decided to only sit for one day and so that was all we did. Yesterday was getting life back in order and today finishes off a busy week.... Mom starts a new job on Monday so it's a new beginning for her. Buba will be missed...she was the best of the best...

The Boob

You are smiling. Funny title to this post, I know. THE BOOB. I thought I would crack a smile right off the top since the whole point of this post is not to be funny - but certainly to be celebratory...

You see - The Boob is the nickname affectionately given by my father to my Buba Pearl. Buba Pearl is my Mom's mother. She's been here in New Jersey since my wedding in April of 1998. For the first 5 years, she lived in my old bedroom at my Mom's house. She moved into the Jewish Geriatric Home a few years back because she needed full-time care. Two days ago, Buba Pearl passed away. She was only 99 years old.

My earliest memory of Buba was in 1976. We went to visit her home in Bogota, Colombia. I went for a walk with her to the market to pick up dinner. There was a man selling chickens...LIVE chickens were running all over the place and Buba pointed to one. The man picked it up, broke it's neck, and stuffed the bird in a bloody paper bag. Four hours later, we were eating the most delicious chicken soup ever made. Nobody stepped foot in the kitchen that afternoon. It was Buba and the bird. Magic.

In 1982, we got to visit Colombia once again and I remember Buba being so happy with my Grandpa Isaac. He was sick and died a few years later. Poor Buba had lost her THIRD husband. So much tragedy. Buba marched on, however, and seemed to get stronger and wiser as the years past on. Cousin Luis was born in 1985 and Buba was there to help take care of him until she came here in 1998. More than just a great-grandmother to him.

Shortly after Buba came here, her great-granddaughter had a baby of her own, making Buba a great-great grandmother. The only one I've ever known.

For the past few years, Buba has lived just a few miles away at the Geriatric Home and Mom has gone waaaay beyond what most people would do in taking care of her. Virtually Mom's whole world outside of her grandchildren has been Buba. There's no possible way Buba would have made it this far without Mom. She should be proud.

Mom had a BBQ at her house scheduled for Sunday and decided to let it go on, even though it was scheduled to begin just six hours after she found out about her Mom. What a great and courageous decision! Some of the most important people in Mom's life were at her house by 1:00 and it was a very therapeutic and important day for her. It was a celebration of life and that's the best way to pay tribute to Buba.

So tomorrow is Buba's funeral. I am sure it will be a tough day for Mom but Raquel is coming in with Cynthia and we will all be there for her.

THE BOOB will be missed by all....I'll post more after the funeral tomorrow.

He Gave Me a Hard One

It's hot. I would say it's pea soup but I said that in a post on a hot day last summer. Ah, what the hell....it's pea soup. I feel like I should be carrying a machete with me on my walk from the train to the office to slice through the air and get to work quicker. As it is, I arrive here every morning all shiny.

So Elijah started his second year of the JCC Camps this week. It's been a fun week with the stories. Wednesday he came home with a slice of his hair missing. He said "Evan told me not to tell you what happened." Evan is one of his junior counselors. Camp called us and said that every counselor has been warned not to make jokes about cutting your hair when it's arts and crafts time. Apparently, Evan made a joke when passing out scissors to 5 year olds when he said, "It's time for a haircut everyone."

One of the players on Elijah's T-Ball team is Josh. Josh is a year younger than Elijah and his camp bunk is nearby so they see eachother often. Yesterday when Elijah came home from camp we were talking about the day.

"Did you see Josh from your T-Ball team today"

"Yes and he made me mad"

"Why?"

"He made my hand hurt."

"How did he make your hand hurt?"

"We gave eachother hi-fives."

"So you gave him a hi-five and your hand hurts???"

"He gave me a hard one."

Oh jeez. The kid is 4 years old. Elijah is a few inches taller and a self-proclaimed he-man. He beats up Jedi with his light saber and crushes weaklings while wearing his Superman cape to bed. BUT - 4 year olds who have to jump to give him hi-fives completely overtake him.

Does Life REALLY Begin at 38?

My dear friend Richard keeps a blog (www.brotherraven.blogspot.com) and the byline is "Life begins at 38". Today - I am 38. Now, I am a very nostalgic person and I routinely weep at the thoughts of years gone by, so I got to thinking....

When my Dad was 38, it was 1979 and we had just moved to Cherry Hill. On the day of his 38th birthday, he was still recovering from a heart attack suffered in April of that year. Heart attack at 37. New life at 38. Hmmm...maybe life DID begin for him at 38. In my mind, however, the glaring point in all this is that, as I sit here today, I am older than my father was when he had a heart attack - right in front of me as we sat having lunch together after my little league tryouts. Of course, he was a heavy smoker and never hid the fact that he could eat sausage three meals a day...but still....I am that age now! I know this well enough without my mother reminding me every few days, "You know - you are your father's age when he had a heart attack...." I know...I know. Dad's heart attack occurred three years after his mom died after her fourth or fifth heart attack at the age of 67. I need to keep better care of myself.

When my Mom was 38, it was 1983 and I was finishing my sophomore year in high school. She had just quit smoking after a bout with bronchitis and had just bought a hot, new white Camaro Berlinetta...complete with louvers and a kick-ass stereo. Maybe life began at 38 for her too...

My birthday just does not have the same pizzazz as it used to. I certainly don't very much look forward to it anymore. The best thing about it is my kids. Last night as I put Elijah to bed, he was staring at one of his drawers and he said, "Daddy, there is a surprise for your birthday hidden in my room but I'm NOT going to tell you where it is." Meanwhile his eyes were fixated on this drawer. "Don't ask me where it is, Daddy because I am NOT telling you." This morning he ran into my room at 5:45 with three kisses on my cheek and announced he had my surprise. He handed me two drawings he had made. One is a stick figure with a big nose. It's labeled "Daddy at 38 by Elijah". ME - a STICK FIGURE!! I love him!!!! The other is a rainbow with, like, 15 colored rings. He had a big smile on his face. Then he cuddled with me and said, "You're the best 38 year old in the world." Yesterday at his doctor's appointment, he told the receptionist, "That's my dad. He's going to be 38 tomorrow. I'm only 5 and a half."

Hannah came into the bedroom around 6:45 and sang Happy Birthday to me all the way through. Then she gave me two pictures she made. One is called "Colors by Hannah". Both were done with crayons and markers and are a bunch of lines in every which direction but they are Picassos to me. They are hanging in my office today.

There were terrible thunder storms around 8pm last night and that's just when the kids go to bed. Hannah slept through the hail and everything. Elijah was scared so I brought him downstairs with me and we sat together right in front of the back sliding doors and watched the backyard get rained. We watched the lightning and heard the thunder claps. It was awesome. He sat on my lap and asked a thousand questions. "How come I can't see the thunder?" "Why is the lightning blue?" "Is my swingset going to float away?" It was one of those moments you never forget. Afterwards, he went right to sleep.

So...yes, I am 38 today. I don't feel older but I kinda look it. I'm too damn fat. Some people would say I'm not FAT, but PHAT (Pretty hot and tempting)...but those people are fatter than me so that's OK. ;-)

Maybe life does begin at 38 - who knows? Ask me next year at 39 (gulp). I'm just taking it one day and one Picasso at a time.

Mom's 60th Surprise

A few select pictures from the party last week...

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Life in the Big City

So here I sit...11 floors up at the window and looking down on the building that houses the Liberty Bell. It's 70 degrees and breezy. There's not a cloud in the sky. At lunch, I walk across the street to Washington Square Park where I choose a wooden bench, plug in my headphones, sit back and watch the people walking their dogs through the park for an hour. Ahhh....it's life in the big city.

Moving my office to Philadelphia was not all that bad. Yeah, the five bucks a day to travel is a pain but the train ride is enjoyable and it's fun reading the paper over someone's shoulder every morning. It takes just 45 minutes or so from home to office which is not all that bad. The office location is incredible. I can see for miles out of the city from my desk and I am right in the main tourist area so there are tour groups walking the streets constantly. I can eat whatever food I want at any time with a five minute walk and ten bucks. I'll be bringing my lunch most of the time. Plus I get a brisk, five block walk to and from the train twice each day and that's good exercise. My new title of Senior Corporate Trainer is the fourth title I have held here in the past two years. My resume is HUMMING! I get to come to the Jersey office every once in awhile so I can have sushi with the old gang. It's a good gig.

Yesterday we gathered over at Candice's house for a little birthday BBQ for Mom. She turned 60 years young yesterday. We had the big surprise party last week at our house and it was a great success. Last night it was just a few of us and some turkey burgers. It was nice. Mom does not look a day over 48 and a half. She's amazing. I think it's the Latino blood. My father-in-law turns 60 later this month and he looks younger too.

It's strange because I am totally not freaked out that my parents are in their sixties. It just does not seem that old to me. I remember when they turned 50 and I was weirded out. I was so young then and that's probably why. I am turning 38 next week so 60 does not seem so old anymore. 38 doesn't either, actually. Unfortunately, I don't look a day younger than 37. Maybe that Latino blood will kick in soon.

Elijah starts up his second year at the JCC Camps later this month and he's so excited. He's totally independent now with so many things. He picks his clothes in the mornings, he brushes his teeth, he had soda for the first time last week (no comments, Mom), and he never needs help in the bathroom anymore. Last night after he ate a piece of Mom's birthday ice cream cake, he said it was "delectable." Then he answered about 35 Star Wars trivia questions correctly in a row that were fired off by Candice and Scott. (do YOU know what color Mace Windu's light saber is?) .

Hannah is an amazing dancer. At two years old she's already a pro with the arms flailing and she's even got the beat down! She's communicating perfectly now. Her life is Dora the Explorer. Every night it's DORA DORA DORA and she got about 10 birthday gifts pertaining to Dora this year. She's had this runny nose for a few weeks now and, in Spanish, when your nose is runny, the "output" is called moco. So Hannah says "moco" when she wants her nose wiped. Last night she said it about five times and Mom went on this speech about how it's not right that her grandkids call eachother "moco" because it means SNOT. She was OK after we explained what was going on. Personally, I think it's funny to call someone a snot. It's a funny word! Moco is an endearing word, anyway....kinda like Coochie. My mother-in-law calls the kids Coochie. The literal translation of that is vagina. So does that mean she's calling my kids vaginas? It just means that Coochie is a warm, loving word. Maybe I should do a quick experiment next time I am in Target with both kids. I'll call them from across the store "Come over here snot and vagina!"

I am now beyond the "goo goo ga ga" stage which is fitting since Littlefoot will be arriving soon to push me back into it.

Speaking of Littlefoot, all is well in there and tomorrow Deb is having an amnio test. She is over 35 so they take extra precaution. Littlefoot will be here in mid-November!! I know it's going to go by quickly but it seems so far away still. I am getting more accepting each day so that by the time Littlefoot gets here, I will be ready. ;-)

Will there be some sort of Littlefoot updates here? Maybe. Certainly not daily like the Peabody Update and the Deuce Daily. Those were fun at the time but it's different this time. It's not as free and simple as it was then. Now, all of a sudden, we have a family of FIVE and the kids will outnumber Deb and I. Elijah will be six years older than Littlefoot so maybe he can help out here and there. We will see.....maybe I will break out the Littlefoot Press or Littlefoot Today. I dunno. Ask me in a month.

The Most Beautiful Girl in the World 

The Most Beautiful Boy in the World 

Littlefoot

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile - initially scared me to death.

One of my favorite quotes of all time. Proves itself over and over and over again. I know the rules of no pain no gain but, man, sometimes I wonder about the gain! Everyone close to me knows that 2004 was a difficult year financially for us. Sales were all over the place at work, months were inconsistent, the company had just gone public and my job was changing. In October, I got a nice promotion and started to turn things around. Things have been better since then. I knew it would be a long process to climb out of the abyss we had fallen into but we had a plan and it's been coming around. We felt comfortable enough in February to book a trip to Disney with the Turer's for the week after Thanksgiving. We told Elijah and Hannah about the trip and they were so excited.....

When Deb and I were dating, like most young couples, we talked about kids. Deb always said she wanted three children. She says that it's one to replace you, one to replace your spouse, and one additional person to replenish the loss of life the Jews suffered in the Holocaust. No doubt, that's a wonderful reason and worthwhile for sure. My position was always TWO kids. One boy - one girl. It's a manageable family and, because of the relationship I have with my sister now, I know it works. Deb is one of four and so, to her, wanting three was reasonable. We always differed on this. Elijah was easy to conceive but Hannah was not. We needed extensive help from a specialist to get Hannah and, after all was said and done, the same renowned Doctor told us that if we ever wanted a third child to see him two months in advance so he could start Deb on the necessary cocktail of progesterone and such to get her body ready to conceive. So, the fact of the matter was that it would be an ordeal for us to get pregnant again; which I felt was in my favor because it would be easier for me to convince Deb that two was enough. Well, in early March, Deb and I had a date and were eating at Mikado and the subject came up. I was happy to hear that Deb was willing to table the topic of a third child until after the Disney trip because she would not want to go to Disney pregnant anyway. NICE! Got her to put it off for another 10 months! When we left that dinner I was happy because, although I would never tell Deb she could never have another child, it certainly was the biggest difference we had in our relationship and, for now, it was tabled for months. Relief!

"I think you should pick up a pregnancy test while your at the supermarket." I had not heard that in a loooooooong time. Deb was "late" and, even though she technically could not get pregnant (so we were told), she still felt like we should do a test. I protested but eventually gave in and brought one home. The next morning I was awakend by a voice, "It's positive."

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile - initially scared me to death.

BUT I DIDN'T DO THIS!!! How could this be? We are not supposed to be able to conceive!?! First emotion, disbelief. Then shock. Anger. Resentment. Virtual hatred of everything that is the reproductive process. I withdrew. I was rude to Deb, I was a nasty person for days. Unaccepting of what was fact. Emotionally, I was spent by 10am each day. Between thoughts of bankruptcy (paying for another daycare) and guilt (why could this not be happening to my sister, who is trying so hard for her FIRST), and selfishness (what will become of my home office now that we need the room?) and did I mention, bankruptcy? Money has a funny way of playing games with you, emotionally. It makes you believe that your life is good, or that it sucks. Really. If you have a few extra bucks in the bank - it could rain for 6 hours and flood your basement and ruin your carpet and that's OK. When you're broke, that same rain will cause you depression for weeks. It's MONEY. Not life and death!! When you have a few extra bucks in the bank, your car could break down and need extensive work and it's OK. When you're broke, having to budget getting an oil change causes depression and feelings of despair and worthlessness. It's MONEY. Not life and death!! When you have a few extra bucks in the bank, surprise pregancies are blessings - gifts from God. When you're broke, they are cruel jokes...tests from upstairs on how a body can function when littered with ulcers, high blood pressure and extreme angst. It's MONEY. Not life...and.........well, wait a minute. It is indeed about life, isn't it? New life.

So after digesting all of this and working all of this out in my mind, I emerged from my self-imposed funk and decided I had two choices. One was to resent my new child and the other was to come to appreciate fatherhood more and agree that enlonging the period of diaper changing and pureed squash was, indeed, a gift from God. No need to stop and think about my decision. So there is going to be a new baby! A new bundle of joy. New smiles and new noises. Another set of first steps, first foods, first words. New college education, new daycare costs, new...STOP IT! Sorry....just leaks out sometimes. :-) I am happy. Truly. I am OK with it now. It's funny because everytime somebody else hears the news, they immediately look at me, knowing my stance on three kids, and give me that look....you know the look. It's the look that says "wasn't the goalie SUPPOSED to stop the shots?" Everyone is concerned that I will not be happy with this. They were right for a time. But not anymore. Financially, it will work itself out. We will just be further strapped. When people ask why we are eating tuna fish out of a can with no mayo for breakfast, lunch and dinner, we will just have them look at the triangle table in the kitchen and observe the Cherios on the floor and they will understand....

So today is our 7th wedding anniversary. Seven years! Sometimes I am hard on myself because I feel I am a bit of a couch potato but then I think...before we have our 8th wedding anniversary we will have had three children, owned two houses, owned SIX cars, had five jobs and STILL manage to sit down for an hour and watch Deadwood every Sunday night...and be thankful about it. I am only a couch potato when I have TIME to be a couch potato! Happy Anniversary Huddy. I love you and I love our children. ALL of them.

So we are still going to Disney..just not until January. Elijah didn't seem to mind much because "I'd rather have a little brother." I am happy he gets it....even though he has no idea what the gender of this baby is.

"Elijah, you know there is a baby in Mommy's tummy. When you were in there we called you Peabody and when Hannah was in there we called her Deuce. What should we call this one?"

"Littlefoot."

Done.

Anything I've ever done that ultimately was worthwhile - initially scared me to death.

It's going to be OK. It's going to be worthwhile. I know it will.

Haley's Comet and Vampires

As I settle in for my "once every two months anymore" journal entry, I can't help but think of my friend Gary complaining how long it was between Def Leppard albums. This is different though because there was no accident in which anyone lost a limb, no drug addicted family member dying of an overdose, etc.. No, this is just a very busy...well...balding 30-something in Cherry Hill, as the title of this blog says....

I feel that, in some ways, I am doing a disservice to my family by not posting more often. Then I read all the stuff already here and get motivated to write more because life didn't stop!! My free time certainly did...but life has gone on and there is so much going on!

I could write a book about our dear friends Richard and Karen. Their rollercoaster of a ride seems to have settled down now - for the better. I could write another about our dear friends Gary and Nancy, who traveled the same road as Richard and Karen but somehow, someway, ended up in the middle of nowhere. Their story, for now, has no happy ending. We think about them every day and hope and pray that a little angel will show up on their doorstep someday too....

For Richard and Karen - their happy ending is in the form of a little bundle named Joshua Aaron. He's beautiful, adorable, happy, and most importantly - THEIRS!

Spencer and Lynne added a new one this week as well! Sophia Rose joins sister Sydney and everyone is happy and healthy! Our families are growing!!

Speaking of growing...Elijah will be playing BASEBALL this season. He is signed up at the CHYAA to play T-Ball. His first practices are this month and we are going to learn how to hit and field. The other night when Elijah was going to sleep, we were laying on his bed talking about baseball and he told me he wanted to be #5 and play left field. That's because his favorite baseball player is Pat Burrell. So I said OK and he said maybe Uncle Richard could make him a #5 baseball jersey. Then he started asking me about getting three strikes. He said, "Daddy, if I get three strikes and I am out of the game, don't get mad and do this (shrugs his shoulders)." Interesting, I thought. We all know Elijah is a rather sensitive kid but he's already worried about striking out? You can't strike out in T-Ball!! So I smiled and gave him the line that I will probably give him 10,000 more times..."It's not about winning and losing, it's about how you play the game." Then Elijah asked me a question...

"Daddy - if I get three strikes and go out of the game, maybe I can ask the vampire to let me come back in?"

I lost it.

I was laughing so hard my sides hurt. I told him to be careful because if he ever went up to the men in blue and called them vampires, he would NEVER be coming back into the game!!

It was an all-time Elijah moment.

He's getting so big - not just in body - but in mind. He's getting so independent it's scary. He's had a bit of a....hmmm how do I put this......poop problem the last few days. Anyway - about a month ago he began to clean himself up after going to the bathroom. He does a good job - not perfect - but pretty good. Anyway - he has this loose thing happening this week. He gets on the toilet and BAM - you know - and he says, "WOW! That wasn't good!" So I go in there to maybe help him out and he gets MAD at me. "No Dad, I can handle this. I want my privacy. Go outside." Fine. I go back to the dinner table. He finishes up and gets back in his seat to finish his dinner. So I ask him, "Elijah - how was your day? Did you have the same kind of poopy at school today?" He gives me the ANGRY face and says, "Dad - don't ask me about that. I can handle it - DON'T ASK ME ABOUT THAT." OK!!! No problem. I'm learning.

Hannah, meanwhile, is ALL OVER THE PLACE. She absolutely cannot be in one spot for more than.....4 seconds. We find her on top of the piano, on top of the couch, climbing over things, running with glass picture frames, etc. We joke and say that she's going to get stitches somewhere before the year is out. We have to get her in gymnastics or something.

It's funny because everything I heard about how two kids will be completely opposite of one another is totally true. Elijah can sit and watch TV for 3 hours - breaking to go potty or eat a piece of cheese. Hannah will watch TV for 4 seconds then do 150 laps around the inside perimeter of the house, breaking only to climb on the fixtures. Then she will eat a 4 course meal for lunch and Elijah will eat a few pieces of hot dog. The beauty of having two children.

It's important to spend as much time and energy as possible on the positive things in life. I've always said the important thing is to make the important thing the important thing. Otherwise you end up wasting time and energy AND being miserable. Bad combination. My folks need to recognize that now more than ever before. For years, they have been best of friends with Nora & Pat and for years it's been one happy occasion after another. Once celebration followed by another celebration.....

Last month, Pat, who had never been in a hospital before in his LIFE, got sick. Several tests later we found that he had Stage 4 lung cancer. He's been receiving his treatments since then and has had his ups and downs. My parents have been unbelievable - traveling to the hospital and to their house all the time to spend time with Pat and to help out Nora. It's been very difficult for everyone. Adding to Mom's worries is another friend of hers, Alicia, had a recurrence of her cancer recently and has been going through treatment. Add Buba Pearl to all this and it's surprising Mom is not a basket case these days. I think Hannah and Elijah help keep her in the here and now and keep her smiling. I wonder how Mom would be doing if I had gotten that job in Atlanta and moved down there with the kids.

Oh yeah - the Eagles lost the Superbowl. Oh well....the way I look at it - it's one step closer to BASEBALL SEASON!!! Pitchers and catchers in 7 days!!

So that's the update. Another baby is due next week with Adam and Kim expecting their first. Everybody is so BUSY!!!! It makes your head spin...

I'll try to be more frequent with updates..this one took all day to write - 8 hours on and off!

Always more to come!!!

JB