Thursday, June 10, 2010

Jawdy From Joisey

Greetings everyone!!!

In approximately three weeks, it will be one year since I returned from Utah.  I think it's about time I made the move permanent.

Two weeks ago, I removed the gorgeous red, white and blue Utah license plates from my car and replaced them with the spectacularly designed puke-yellow and black New Jersey plates.  The woman at the DMV, despite being astonished that I was prepared with ALL of my required documents to make the switch, had to be reminded of what exactly Utah was.  I told her it was a state slightly west of here and she snickered, took another bite of her Ding Dong and asked me if I wanted an updated picture on my license.  Yes, I told her, since I've gained 40 pounds since the last one.  I want the picture to be accurate, after all.

I left the DMV in a record two hours and 20 minutes with new plates and my portly license picture.

I furthered down the rabbit hole that is New Jersey by taking a drive to Cuthbert Blvd.  There's only two places I've EVER been on Cuthbert Blvd.  One is Wok and Roll, the old bar that I celebrated my 21st birthday at before Allen Frankel peed off the top of the Hyatt House.  The other is the DMV Inspection Station.  Fond memories of both.  

I drove my car down the long path at the inspection station and came to a stop with TWO cars in front of me.  It was 12.30pm.  I woke up at 1.17 with the light tapping on my window.  It was time.  

It took the nice DMV man exactly 9 minutes to flunk my car and slap a red REJECTION sticker on the windshield.  "Your engine light is on," he told me.  "It wasn't when I got here an hour ago!" I said.  "Welcome to NJ, sir.  You have until June 30 to get the car fixed and back here for a follow up inspection.  And here's the good news - next time you come you don't have to wait in that long line.  Just pull into THAT LINE over there."  THAT LINE was a re-inspection line with about 20 cars in it and ONE person in a booth at the end wearing headphones.  I can't wait.

So now that I had my car all pimped out in Jersey bling, I decided to make the biggest leap of all.  My cell phone.

For months I've been teased about my beloved 801 cell number.  I figured, who cares?  These days it does not matter what your area code is, right?  Why change?  But as time passed, repeating 801 hundreds and hundreds of times became painful.  Usually, the facial expression of the person hearing 801 was something between smelling rotting garbage and a swift kick in the crotch.  I marinated with the idea for weeks and, motivated by the brutally awful cell service around here for both AT&T (my iPhone) and Sprint (Deb and Elijah) and having made the decision to switch the entire family to Verizon, I decided to make the leap.  

This would be it, the last remaining strand of my Utahn identity would be deleted.  I would now be a full-on Jersey boy once again.  If you don't count the expired, old Zions Bank debit card with a beautiful landscape of the Wasatch Mountains on it that's buried in my wallet still, all the Utah is gone.

So, my dearest friends and family, I am back with both feet now.  Back with the humidity (I was sweating in February), the amazing Jersey drivers (you're number one, too!), Route 73 at rush hour, and incredibly "competitive" car insurance rates.  

The purpose of this prose?  To announce my NEW and IMPROVED contact information!  From this point forward, you shall refer to me as Jawdy from Joisey.

Jordan's cell:  (see Facebook posting for the actual numbers)
Debora's cell:
Elijah's cell:
Borenstein Residence Home Phone:

In addition, please add this new e-mail as I am moving from Comcast as well.  My new e-mail address is: jawdyb at gmail dot com

Please mark your smartphones, e-mail clients, Facebook accounts, Outlook Address Books, MySpace profiles and any other appropriate contact-info storage portals that may be in your employ.

It's good to be back.



Jon Ashley said...

Oh, Jawdy... You never cease to entertain. You still crack me up after lo these many years!!

mizkylie said...

It makes me sad to read this...even though I did the same thing when I moved to Nevada. My heart will always be in Utah, just like yours is in New Jersey... sniff sniff:(