I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. ~George Carlin

When I was growing up, I was one of those "techies" that would laugh at the expense of my parents when their VCR clock was blinking 12:00. When computers started to become mainstream in the 1990's, my parents were still getting used to the typewriter. I always embraced technology in all forms. I loved it when the cable company switched from that wired up clicker to a wireless remote control. I loved it when beta-max's went bye-bye. Everytime Intel introduced a new computer chip I would buy a new computer. I LOVED change. Therein lies the irony of this post....

The truth is that I despise change. I really do. Computers and technology and all that - yeah - I embrace it. Maybe it's just the kind of change that really affects my life directly.

Change in MY life, I have recently discovered, is not welcome. I don't know why. The most confusing thing about that fact is that there is change occurring in virtually EVERY aspect of my life now...

Elijah is a little man now. He's asking a TON of questions like, "Mommy, why are we human? How come we are not whales or elephants?" "What planet do we live on?" Stuff like that. He's more responsive to things in his own life, like cleaning up or helping out around the house. Although he's not eating much better than before, he acknowledges that, "when I'm a grown up, I will eat vegetables. I'm a kid now." Saturday night I was not feeling well. I had a bad headache and I was tired. We actually went to bed around 8:30. We were laying in bed and Elijah took my hand and looked me in the eye and said, "I'm sorry you don't feel good Daddy." That's the kind of stuff you can't hope to hear because you just don't know how that feels until it happens.

Hannah is communicating by speech now. She says words like pancake (when she's hungry), baba (for bottle when she's thirsty), patty (when she wants to play pattycake) and oopa (when she wants to be held). She's not a baby anymore. What happened?

I don't want to sound like a father who does not want his kids to grow up. All these changes are exciting and wonderful but I just don't feel 100% comfortable with them growing up yet.

I am interviewing for a major promotion here at work. There is about a 75% chance that I am going to get promoted by month's end. There is about a 30% chance that that promotion will require a move to Atlanta, GA. It's just a 30% chance but do you think I've slept normally in the last few weeks? Not a chance. Deb is completely behind the move. It would be a two year commitment and then the company would have a position for me here to move back to if I chose to. So, actually, when I do the math...75% chance of getting promoted...30% IF I get promoted of moving to Atlanta....so the chances are slim, right? Whatever. All I know is that I love my house the way it is...I love the neighborhood and some of our best friends in the world just moved BACK to this area after 3 years in Boston. My parents live 8 houses away from their grandchildren. And I may have to say, "See ya in 2 years." Change.

I think if I learn to adjust my inner "Change-O-Meter" to read, "OK with that" more than, "What are you, nuts?" that I would be able to sleep better and be able to see the big picture more clearly. I need to do that because I am going to get an ulcer if I don't. Change is too stressful to embrace and too stressful to ignore. There is a famous quote that makes me laugh and freeze up at the same time:

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."

Anyway....I am entering an important time in my life and career over the next two weeks so I better be prepared to accept whatever happens. Growth is the only evidence of life.

jb