Friday, March 17, 2006

Fun With Utah

This week has been very difficult. It's been like a Farewell Tour for us. Every night, we are dining with different family and friends. Each night ends in tearful hugs and promises of Utah visits. We still have tonight, tomorrow and Sunday to go but, at this point, we are ready to start our adventure in Salt Lake City.

I was going to post another mushy story about how wonderful our friends are. We've been having dinner with them almost all week and we are so lucky in that respect. The cake that Lynne made for us was absolutely incredible and I will post a picture here later. However, I decided to make this post a little more light hearted and share with you some of what we will be experiencing out in Utah.


Sandals are the best-selling shoes.

You have to ask for the uncensored version of "Titanic."

Hotel rooms all have the Book of Mormon.

You live in a state where Democrats always come in third place, unless a zoo animal is running. Then they come in fourth.

You live on Redwood Road, but there are no redwood trees, or any trees for that matter.

The local NBA team is named after the entire state instead of a city.

Schools stay open, even if two feet of snow falls overnight, but close for the opening of hunting season.

People wear shorts and T-shirts if the temperature rises above 32 degrees.

There is a church on every corner, but they all teach the same thing.

You go to a wedding reception where the bride isn't pregnant, but her mother is.

People drive to Idaho (or Arizona) to pick up a gallon of milk so they can play the lottery.

In-state college football rivalries are bigger than the Super Bowl.

Beer drinkers don't shop on Sunday.

When you buy a new vehicle, cigarette lighters are optional equipment but gun and ski racks are standard.

Every time a new family moves into your neighborhood, the local elementary school has to hire a new teacher.

"Temple recommends"are acceptable identification for cashing a check.

The July 4th celebration lasts 20 days.

More movies are filmed in your town than in Hollywood.


I've heard them all by now...

Q: Why do Mormon women stop having babies at thirty-five?
A: Because thirty-six is just too many.

It goes on and on....

YES - I saw "that show on HBO" this past Sunday. It's on after the Soprano's and it's called BIG LOVE. It's about a Utah polygamist (Bill Paxton) and his life with three wives and kids, all living in three houses next to eachother. Of course, I am watching it. It's funny because in the first five minutes of the show they mention that the family lives in the Wasatch Valley. That's exactly where we are going to be living. I'll be on the lookout for Bill!

A woman visiting Salt Lake City in the latter half of the 18th century sees someone that she thinks may be Brigham Young, the leader of the Mormon church.

Woman: "Are you Brigham Young?"

Brigham Young: "I am."

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that is the head of the Mormon church?"

Brigham Young: "I am."

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that led the Mormons to Utah?"

Brigham Young: "I am."

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that denounces all Christian religions as false except Mormonism?"

Brigham Young: "I am."

About this time, the woman is beginning to lose her temper.

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who preaches polygamy?"

Brigham Young: "I am."

Now she's really getting mad.

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who has 26 wives?"

Brigham Young: "I am."

Then furiously, she says -

Woman: "You ought to be Hung!"

Brigham Young: "I am."

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ha. The "You know you're living in Utah" list is amusing.

By the way, you left a state whose local NBA team is named after the whole state!

And while Utah may be conservative, you can still smoke in restaurants there. In New Jersey, that will end on April 15.