Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Walls are Closing In....

Our week continues here in beautiful, sunny Salt Lake. First, some observations from the last four days and then the continuing story of our journey here. (As a bit of a spoiler, I will let you know that the story as it now stands has us STILL here in this hellhole of a "hotel" tonight.)

So, those observations....
  • Every woman is pregnant. Seriously. Every single woman, with the exception of my wife, in the state of Utah is pregnant. I've only seen one hospital. Where are they all born?
  • Everyone is so sweet here it's like I am living in the movie Fargo. You walk into Einstein Bagels and the woman greets you like you are her long lost cousin. They practically HUG you here. In McDonalds, the woman at the counter actually explained to me how their store works and why their store is so different than the others in the area. Then she gave me my heart attack on a plate and wished me a great day. Incredible. (If Mom is reading this, substitute McDonalds with Salad Works).
  • It's 50 degrees out and, unless you have been here, you have no idea what that feels like. People ALL OVER are wearing shorts and flip flops. SHORTS AND FLIP FLOPS!! That's just the way people live out shorts and flip flops. We are not wearing jackets most of the time because, although it may be cold, it's not "chilly" if you know what I mean. It's just cold....nice, calm, dry cold. Perfect weather. My windows were open today.
  • Policemen take your height and weight when they pull you over. See below for more on that.
  • Finally, and this may be the most incredible thing about Utah, you never get machines when you call businesses. HUMANS ANSWER THE PHONE HERE!! I called the cable company - Comcast - the phone rang twice and a man answered, "Hello, Comcast!" Deb called the DMV - the freaking DMV!!! - and a human answered the phone and then answered all her questions WITHOUT transferring her ONCE!!!! Go figure!

We registered Elijah for Kindergarten and his first day was Wednesday. I was pulling up to the school and I noticed police lights flashing behind me. The conversation that transpired was nothing short of extraordinary (think Fargo again here for the accents...)

"Afternoon Sir, how ya doin' today?"

"Good, officer. And you?"

"Terrific! Hey listen, the reason I pulled ya on over today was 'cause you were speeding there. I had ya clocked at 37 in a 25 zone there. That's 12 miles over the speed limit there."


"Hey - can I take a peek at yer license and registration please?"

(I panic....I realize I left that damn....sorry....dagum rental papers in the hotel room. In Philly I would be roughed and calling my one relative. In Utah.....)

"Gee - you know that happens all the time!! People forget those papers back in the hotel and that's OK. I'll be right back."

(he goes back to his car for about 45 seconds. The next part is what really sticks with me...)

"OK sir - I am going to issue you a written warning there sir. No fine, no points, no worries. You don't gotta show up in court for this here. Just a warning."

"Thank you officer"

"OK, sir, can I get your height please?"

"OK....6 feet"

"GREAT!! Can I get your WEIGHT PLEASE?"

(what the fuck? a policeman is asking for my weight?)

"Gee, officer, that's a LOADED question!"

(laugh - HE LAUGHS TOO!)

"Drive safe now, OK Sir? Welcome to Utah and I hope you have a great stay with us."

I wanted to get the guy's phone number and invite him and his family to dinner.

Anyway, Elijah LOVES school. He has Mrs. Carter and he's fitting in nicely after just two days.

I REALLY feel bad for the kids because we've been sleeping in this tiny room for 4 nights. Thank goodness - at 8am tomorrow the orange truck is supposed to pull up to the house and dump all my shit there. TOMORROW we will move in - 3 days behind schedule but all the stronger for it.

Just in the last 11 hours we have:

  • Gotten Debbie a drivers license (I could not get mine because my social security card is on the damn truck)
  • Had $376 in groceries delivered to the house by Albertsons.
  • Dropped another $250 in Costco on more groceries.
  • Received two awesome packages - TWO DOZEN bagels from our dear friends the Vincoffs and an amazing TREE from Aunt Helene.
  • Gone to the potty 11 times and changed 3 poopie diapers.
  • Gone to Smiths grocery store and bought some more odds and ends.

We are exhausted.

So....I need to post some pics for all of you!! Got some good ones already from here in our skanky hotel room.

More updates later. I need some sleep - there is a place next to Elijah on the bed waiting for me!!

Love you all!!


Anonymous said...

I have an your hotel "skanky" more often so that your mother can freak out about it more.
(I'm calling DYFUS!!)

Anonymous said...

Hi Jordan:

I am so glad that you are no longer in the "motel" and are now in your beautiful home. No more fried foods, Elija!!!!!!



Anonymous said...

I ment Elijah! I was typing too fast and left out the "h".

By the way, I love the camera- you all looked so beautiful- I just wish we could get rid of the background sound